Comment by Karen Smith on February 22, 2012 at 10:02pm

I hoped someone else with really great advice would jump on and answer. Follow your heart. Make sure this is a good guy before you tell him. Someone gave my daughter the advice to tell a guy if you think it could go somewhere but to give it time to be sure. She is following that advice and it is working for her. Good luck and keep us posted.

Comment by dannii on February 23, 2012 at 4:53pm

I don't know what the best advice is. It's difficult without knowing the guy. All I can say is good luck and if he's a decent sort, hopefully it won't matter to him.

Comment by traci on February 24, 2012 at 7:25am

With my last serious boyfriend, I told him on pretty much the first date. I was casual and confident when I mentioned it, just sort of slipped it into the conversation and acted like it was no big deal even though my heart was pounding and, in my mind, I was freaking out that he wouldn't want to hang out with me anymore. But what I've found is if you brush it off--as simply as stating your gender or ethnicity--then other people are less 'taken aback. After we started dating more seriously, he told me that was one of the things he really liked about me: that I was so confident with who I was. It really helped with my own self-confidence too! We've since broken up, but that's taught me that beauty really IS skin deep :)

Comment by Alliegator on February 24, 2012 at 10:27am

I think this depends on the people and the situation. I wouldn't say there is one way that would work for everyone. I don't think you should worry that you might scare him off. I do believe the sooner that it comes out, the better. I agree with Traci Lee... if you don't make a big deal of it, then they won't make a big deal of it. I would say that if you wear a scarf, he might ask and then that is your opportunity to say something! He will probably tell you that he likes the scarf, and you can casually say that you have Alopecia. Once you tell him, he might ask you some questions about it so just be honest. I am single, and this is something I think about often. I honestly believe that being up front about it in the beginning is important.

Comment by Devin on February 24, 2012 at 2:59pm

Ive always thought you sould tell someone at the very beginning so you dont have to feel like you are hiding anything, but that doesnt mean you would show him until you new that there was something real there. You really should do what makes you feel the best though, good luck!

Comment by Joshua on February 25, 2012 at 6:00am

I couldnt agree more with what most others have mentioned earlier. I would like to add that, probably you tell him about it in a private environment ( it must not be necessary within four walls and roof on top), a place/environment where you can have a proper private conversation, somewhere quiet and little distractions where could ask more about alopecia. You can tell him on the first date, if you felt comfortable enough, if not then the second date (obviously you have positive vibes about him, if you agree to a second date). I believe that when it comes to Alopecia/relationships, both parties will have to cope with it eventhough only one of you are having it because he may completely okay with you having alopecia, but he also has to deal with his friends and family that he is dating someone with alopecia...but that is something he has to deal with and not you.

hope this helps. In short,

- if you would like to go for a second date with him, then tell him at the end of the first date or on the second date.
- tell him in an quiet enviroment with little distractions so that there will be more opportunities for conversation about alopecia areata.
- you dont have to embark on a series of lectures about alopecia, because he would definitely love to know more about it if he is interested in you and the things around your life

all the best and God bless

Joshua

Comment by Georgia Gardner on February 26, 2012 at 12:47am

Thanks guys for your advice and stories. I've told a couple of my friends and taken my hair off in front of one of them so far. Most people have added me on fb were I have several photos of me without my hair and links to stuff about alopecia on there. I was thinking to wear my scarf tomorrow when some people are starting classes to lead into it all.
Thanks again :)

Comment by Justine on February 26, 2012 at 7:04pm

Hi Georgia,
The advice you have gotten is great! In my experience, I have done a little bit of both, some I have told after a few months or so, others I have waited longer (I do wear a vacuum piece so it is not apparent to most that I don’t have hair until I tell). It has been important for me that the person I am dating gets to know me and like me for me, and then know about AA after. Once they really like you, it won’t matter! :)

Comment by Georgia Gardner on February 27, 2012 at 8:07am

Thanks again for all your advice. I have an somewhat confusing update on the situation if you're interested>>

I wore my scarf today, as for most people it was the first day of classes. I went out to the zoo with one of my new friends and explained it all to him on the way and it was fine. When we came back I completely forgot about it when i went down to make dinner. little awkward, but probably for the best. I saw the guy who i was talkin about here and he asked and we sort of talked. It wasnt the ideal place for questions, but i talked about it with him and another guy and a friend.
A few minutes later I ran into another male friend who has exressed some interest in me. He has been the nicest guy while i've known him, a proper 'bring home to meet your mother' type. Which is why I'm still furious 6 hours later about being told "I look like a recovering cancer patient". WTF???!!!! (Sorry if thats rude but im really upset). its just soooo backwards, the guy i'm unsure about was nice and respectful (a little awkward, but thats to be expected) and the really nice guy was a massive idiot!!

A confusing night, but all in all for the best. i got a chance to explain it to a couple of people i'm close to and introduce the idea to some others. (on a funnier side: apparantly a group of guys i've spent the last few nights talking to think me with hair and me with scarf are completely different people :P )

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