Hi guys, I have been trying to focus on school rather than on my hair seeing as finals are right around the corner...I am absolutely miserable about my hair, I think I have been in a state of denial for quite some time now...I am not sure I can find my way with this...I fly off the handle to friends and family without even wanting to and feel bad afterwards..I know there is nothing in this world they can do to help me, but I dont even know what I wanna hear anymore, I mean words that will even comfort me..At this point I am not sure anything will make me feel better unless my hair grows back and I can go back to my normal life where I was happy..I can't sleep at night nor can I concentrate during the day..My hair is consuming my whole daily life, morning, noon, and night. My brain is fluttered with thoughts of my hair..It is the most horrible thing I have ever been through in my life..I use to be a vibrant, goal oriented, and confident person, and have lost all of that due to AA..I know coping and dealing with this is a process and takes time, as do other things in life, but this is by far hard to cope with for me..Ever since I found my first patch I have been trying to do my best to cope..I cried alot at first and the crying came to a sudden halt where I thought I was going into the acceptance phase after I seen some regrowth, but than bam my hair is still falling out in the same three patches just getting bigger and bigger..I feel like my body is trying to escape itself if that sounds right, almost like I am fighting within myself to calm down and look at the better things in life, and how this should not consume my life, but than I have that part that says in order for me to try and cope I need to understand how this happen and how I can fix it..Although, that is merely impossible those are my thoughts..I also feel like I need to gain my confindence back that I use to have when I had hair in order to move forward, but my personality is so obsessive that I think this is gonna take a while to come to grips with, and personally it scares me...My family is always telling me its just hair it will get better...I hate when they say this to me, I know they are trying to help, but it does absolutely nothing to help for me..The other day my sister was telling my mother, "I hate the color of my hair I wish I can get it back to my original color", really!! Im thinking at least you have hair, and said it out loud and it caused a fight, but seriously watch what you say around people..I have to say this though, I would have been the same way if this had never happen to me, so I almost cant blame her or people because if you have never experienced something that was traumatizing in one particular situation there is noway you can actually understand what someone is going through without going through the same exact thing yourself.. I lost my Nan last year and have never lost someone that I truly care about, and miss her everyday that passes by, and wishes she was still here as she would have been the perfect candidate to make me feel so much better..Being a nursing student and my Nan being sick made me feel so helpless being unable to help while knowing exactly what was going on the whole time, and truly being able to help, but not liability wise, how sickening..May my precious Nan that is now an angel rest in peace..I am sorry I am venting and everything is coming out, but I know AW is the perfect place to do it because you are all beautiful, understanding people..I appreciate all of you, and thank you..

P.S. I guess I can be the best nurse I can be because I love helping people, and it is so rewarding to be able to ease someones pain, and be there to help at their most critical state and watch them smile as they feel better. Knowing you were part of there recovery is in itself rewarding and an accomplishment for me...But I must say I would probably make the worst patient known to man..Just thought I would put that out there...Lol

Hope you are all well!!! Hugs :)