i really dont know what to write. its late...so my brain is all fuzzy.

ill start here:

i went on a little vacation with my family. it was good. i went with my mom, dad, sisters, and grandparents.
while i was getting ready my grandmother(nonna; in italian) saw my hair loss .lets just say it was evident that she was affected by it. she got rly quite. than she asked me how it was doing? i told her i was losing more. she said " thats okay, if i have to sell my house to buy you the best wig i will."

while getting ready in the mornings i get very easily depressed, because of my hair. my mom bought me this clip in extensions for the back. just to cover the spot. not the ones that come down to my hips. recently this week i havent been able to wear them. the hair loss is too much to cover them. so...i forgot what i was gonna say.........
oh yea, that gets me so sad, that in only a couple of days ive lost that much hair.i cant wear my
hair down because its this giant bald hole in the middle.but i think some of you could be saying so what? at least you have hair left. i can only wear my hair in a ponytail but even when i go to take my ponytail out i loose some hair. and i cant always cover it. im getting a special wig to cover the back. im praying not all my ahir falls out than ill feel bad about teh amount my parents spent.

so i got depressed on the vacation, but much later as we were driving i realized the moments i stay sad and angry i will never get back. i couldve been having the best time if my life. being happy lauging with my crazy italian family. trust me
THEY ARE CRAZY. but thats why i love them.

my grandmother told me on this trip that, she knows how i feel, but i explained to her that she cant. its like saying to someone who is ill, i know how it feel. because unless youve experineced it you cant. is this rude? am i making a mountain out of a mole hill? can someone really understand. okay so back on track...
she said it could be worse what if i had leukemia or lost a limb. stay positive she told me. than she said smile. which i REALLY didnt feel like doing at that time. than she started getting mad at me. than after we ( and when i mean we i mean her talking, me pouting) talked. she started crying. which to be honest scared me. she said it kills her to see me like this, to be loosing hair. that it kills my mom to see me like this.

so i started thinking, this affects more than just you, it affects the people who love you and care for you. not only do i feel i need to be strong for myself but for my family.

i think maybe god is teaching me to be grateful. because before my hair got really bad, i HATED IT. i mean the color. its red well a dark auburn. not orange, auburn. god i hate when someone says orange. cause its not orange. i hated the names people called me because of the color. yes if your thinking the name your right. its not only rude they called me such names, but immature.i wanted to dye my hair SO badly. i would cry because of the names. i said i hated my hair it was stupid i wnated to cut ita ll off. than people started telling me how much they liked it. the color, theyd say it wasnt an ugly red. in my opnion NO SHADE (LIGHT DARK) RED HAIR IS UGLY THEY ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL. then theyd be more suprised to find out, i was italian. what an italian with red hair no way. lol it happens. i started to love my hair it was gorgeous. i started to like myself more. people said i looked like kristen stewart, the twilight actress.which was awesome because i am a crazed twilight fan. SORRY.

i think god said see, you complained about what your had you wanted to shave it off, now its falling out and your sad its falling out. things happen for so many reasons. i think maybe next time i should just be happy with what i have. sorry this is so long and pointless but i HAD to write something!!!