Struggling

I am suffering from postpartum depression, I'm obsessing over my son's hair loss, and when I'm not obsessing over him I freaking out over the biopsy I have to have next week. Why me? What did I do to deserve this. Its like God telling me I was too happy in life and was getting too comfortable with things going well. So haha joke is on me.

Its all I can do to get in the shower each day. I drag myself out of bed and walk downstairs with my stomach in my throat that there will be a new spot when I see him. I brush his hair as carefully as possible so as not to pull anymore out. And hope that he isn't upset again today that we can't spike his hair. I have quit putting any product in his hair and am washing it with Nioxin every other day. At some point during the day I convince myself that I have to shower so as not to alarm my husband that my depression is getting worse. I pick up my son from school, I put on a strong face and smile big when he gets in the car, and inside panic that I'm going to look at his head and see more hair missing. Fear has this huge hold on me. Fear and depression are best friends and they are tearing into me with a vengeance.

Today we see the dermatologist again. I wasn't pleased with her telling me it will be fine. I want more answers. I'm hoping she will do what I ask. I want her to run a cbc, check his iron levels, and his thyroid. I want to know if something is causing this. I need to take some form of control back over this disease. Why cant there just be an answer. All they things we can find a cure for but we can't grow hair.

And somewhere in all of this I have to find it in me to also parent my teenager and newborn. I just don't know how much more I can take...

Views: 18

Comment by Diane on September 4, 2009 at 2:43pm
I'm joining Aimee voice: get counseling for your depression. There a a wide spectrum of treatment against it! Once your depression is under control, you will be able to take care of everything!
Good luck!
Comment by Jennifer on September 4, 2009 at 2:45pm
I am being treated. I have just been putting of filling my prescription. I have a long history of depression and a just as impressive history with failing meds. Before I was pregnant I was doing all natural remedy with a ton of vitamins. But I think with all that is going on I'm going to have to cave. My husband is very supportive of my treatment and we will be filling my prescription today. Thanks girls! :)
Comment by JeffreySF on September 4, 2009 at 3:02pm
Jennifer,

Please take your meds as prescribed. This is very serious.
Jeffrey
Comment by Heather L on September 4, 2009 at 3:50pm
Hi Jennifer,

Sorry you are feeling so overwhelmed and frustrated. But to echo everyone else- PLEASE before you do anything else talk to your GYN about your postpartum depression. It is a very real and serious health issue.
My sister had it very bad after the birth of both of her boys. She had a hard time accepting that she could not control it herself- and she said she felt weak and judged. I sure hope you do not feel that way!!!! I think that is all part of the depression!

After giving birth- (and a history of depression makes chances higher and postpartum depression more severe) your estrogen and progesterone levels hit the floor! Thyroid function can change, blood pressure
changes and immune responses and metabolism all change!

So please take your medicine.... and don't suffer through it. Not sure what your doctor prescribed but my
sister took Zoloft and it helped so much. It was like night and day-- she was able to "cope" with life again.
Counseling and hormone therapy may help too!!

About your son's AA-- sounds like you are on the right track to request some blood tests to find out if there is anything underlying his condition. Does your son have any other symptoms you have noticed? I feel your
frustration regarding having no answers!! It's maddening! After 20 years of this and tons of doctors I still do not have any answers. The phrase "the only thing predictable about alopecia areata is it's unpredictability"
makes me want to scream sometimes.... but it does ring true.

GOOD LUCK!
Heather

ps- is your prescription you have and older one-- from your history of depression- prior to the post partum
depression? If so, please run it by your doctor - there may be a better choice.
Comment by Ann Laurie on September 4, 2009 at 3:53pm
I think you will do what you need to do! You are a very brave woman going through a lot! I agree you should take your meds, but counciling is a really good option as well! If you show your son that you are scared and that his hair bothers you then he will feel the same way. Maybe by doing something positive about it instead of making everyday when you interact with his hair a negative it will help. I have been looking into maybe starting a group or something at my college. Maybe where you live or at his school you could put together an alopecia awairness group so he doesn't feel like he needs to be ashamed of his looks. Also if you met with more people about it you mmight be able to get more answers about his condition! I know you just care about him and want him to fit in and just be a kid and i knwo that would make me sad too to see my child have to grow up feeling different, But this lil step in life will teach him so much as well. He looks up to you and sees how you react and feel when it comes to his hair so therefore he will react the same way! I hope you arn't taking this as me attacking you or saying you are doing anyting wrong. That is not the case at all i am just coming from the childs stand point. I am 22 and i grew up always thinking i was to fat or to ugly to do anything all because my moms self esteem about me was always obvious and it came out in me. Even today when I was also just diagnosed with AA She is so embarrassed and I wont have her around cuz it just puts me in a negative state! YOU CAN DO THIS! YOU CAN TEACH YOUR SON THAT IT DOESN"T MATTER IF HE IS BALD OR NOT! IF HE IS A GOOD PERSON AND A POSITIVE THINKER HE CAN MAKE IT THRU ANYTIHNG! AND SO CAN YOU! I BELIEVE IN YOU!

Comment

You need to be a member of Alopecia World to add comments!

Join Alopecia World

Disclaimer

Any mention of products and services on Alopecia World is for informational purposes only; it does not imply a recommendation or endorsement by Alopecia World. Nor should any statement or representation on this site be construed as professional, medical or expert advice, or as pre-screened or endorsed by Alopecia World. Alopecia World is not responsible or liable for any of the views, opinions or conduct, online or offline, of any user or member of Alopecia World.

© 2024   Created by Alopecia World.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service