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Tell them the truth or quit nursing school?
hi guys! ive never written on here before, but ive encountered a very sticky situation and i would really appreciate your advice. ive been losing my hair for like 2 years but I keep it very private. over the summer the loss got so bad that I shaved my head and got a wig, which I now wear daily. i started nursing school in this wig 2 days ago, thinking i would be able to keep this a secret. well today I found out that it will basically be impossible to keep it a secret because we will be doing all sorts of exams, including hair, head, etc, on each other. now I have no idea what to do…i either drop out of nursing school and pick another major or tell these people whats going on. the only person ive ever told is my own mother. i just met these people, and im so worried about them judging me based on this one thing and not getting to know me. i have to work closely with these people for the next 2 years so it will be very difficult if they are uncomfortable around me. i have no idea how I would even go about telling them. any advice/opinions would be greatly appreciated!
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Comment by Karen Smith on August 26, 2010 at 9:19am
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I wanted to add one more thing. I am a nurse and worked in labor and delivery for 15 years, I now sell real estate. I wore a surgical hat most days so hair was not a concern. My daughter uses super tape to keep her lace wigs on and someone pulling her wig off is never a concern. Her skin would tear before her wig came off. She sleeps and showers with her wig on and only changes it 2-3 times per week. She is at college and wears it like her own hair.
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Comment by Kate on August 26, 2010 at 7:00pm
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I have a very optimistic outlook for you! My sister spent two years in nursing school and developed very close friendships and professional relationships with the fellow students she studied with over two year. The rigorous studies and long hours in class and study groups helped them bond in their personal lives, and now they take care of each other like friends. I have very high hopes for you that your experience will be similar. If you can open up about your wig and hair loss, they may be your first and best support system!
I think it is perfectly fair for you to start any explanation - to anyone - with something to the effect of "I would like to share something personal with you, and I want you to know that it is still uncomfortable for me to talk about. I value your sensitivity and understanding." That way YOU set the tone for the conversation and the future interactions. I think that often others don't realize they are being hurtful or callous with their offhand comments, they are just being reactionary. So, if you can put your classmates in a mindset to be sensitive and gentle before you explain your condition, you may avoid any awkward reactions on their end.
Good luck! It is such a wonderful thing to be a nurse and give or your talent, knowledge, and nurturing abilities. I hope you stick with it and I look forward to hearing how your "coming out" goes.
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thanks so much for all the support and advice everyone! i really value your opinions. ive been thinking about this a lot over the past few days so i will update you on the situation. i told two of my instructors and they were very nice and are going to let me wear my wig down at clinicals and labs. i havent told any of my fellow students yet but ill let you know whats on my mind. i think im going to just start off by telling one girl and asking her to be my partner during hair/skin/nails and head/neck labs. i planned on telling her in person but when we were walking to our cars i chickened out and ended up talking about other stuff. i know its lame but im pretty sure im just going to tell her through a private facebook message. we are both only 20 years old so i think it would still be an appropriate way to communicate and its better than not telling at all. then i can tell the other girls after they get to know me better and im more comfortable with them. what do you guys think? im so nervous!
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Good decisions Lauren. Way to face your fears and take control and be proactive. I feel really good for you right now. Also, the good news is that it should also get easier with time and practice.
Check this out. An article in the July issue of Wired magazine on stress said that one way to decrease stress in the long run is to confront yours fears. Here is a quote (http://www.wired.com/magazine/2010/07/ff_stress_cure/all/1):
"When paratroopers are first learning to parachute, they experience a massive stress response. In fact, one study of Norwegian airmen found that this response started before the jump and lasted for hours afterward. But something interesting happened when the soldiers kept jumping out of planes. Instead of being stressed for hours at a time, they showed elevated levels of stress hormone only while in midair, which is precisely when they needed it. The chronic stress response that causes long-term harm had all but disappeared."
You can do this. Also, I think writing down what you want to say is a great way to start. It will help you be collected in your thoughts and focus on what you want to say. Then, you can either deliver this in writing, or go ahead and say it in person.
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Comment by Kim Burns on August 27, 2010 at 5:35pm
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Great work on school - nurses are so valuable. I work with health care professionals on a daily basis and I find that they are the easiest people to tell about alopecia. They understand and believe me you will see many things in your nursing career that you will have to be understanding to as well. It will be a true test of acceptance and good "bed side" manner! Good luck with school!
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The same thing happen to me as a nursing student. I had to do a head to toe assessment with a partner in class and we had to examine each other's head. Well before we had to perform the assessment to our instructor, I just came out and told my partner I had alopecia so it was no good looking in my scalp. lol I also let my instructor know and it wasn't a big deal at all. So I don't think you have to let the whole class know but I would inform my instructor and my partner when the time comes. Good luck
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Comment by Trish on September 19, 2010 at 3:14am
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Hello Lauren, I am in the same situation you are in...I am scared, and feel embarressed about school, only difference for me is that it is my last year of nursing, and I was just recently diagnosed last week on Thurs...I would love to talk to you as I have missed almost a week of school because of this...Nursing is my dream and want to do it, but I feel so emotionally drained and scared that I can not focus on much other than my hair...
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