Comment by Sarah on January 12, 2012 at 1:12pm

Thank you so much Figarosmom, NoLongerHair, & Tallgirl - you're all very inspiring with what you said. You're right TG about personal identity, this just makes a person feel like an open book always explaining to people what is happening, why you now look so different than before. I do mourn often, some days have break down days, even at work. I'm done being embarrassed as I know any woman would have to go through this. I do believe that what does not kill us makes us stronger, but it's the fear of rejection that is getting to me. Feeling not good enough due to hair loss is not valid, but it is a feeling. FIGAROSMOM, you reminded me of my 4 year old Neice, Isabella. When she comes over and eats dinner, she looks at the reflection of herself in the sliding glass door with amazement, she loves that she is a pretty little girl, but sees a princess! At times, there have been suicidal thoughts due to this, thinking I'll be unloveable, unwanted, but now because of this wonderful site with everyone pulling each other through, I don't have those any more, just coping thoughts. What will people say at work? What will I do if someone makes a rude comment? and so forth... It is amazing how much of our bodies we neglect, then when something like this unveils itself, we feel the need to 'light a fire'. I understand that for sure, want to exercise more often, get 2 surgeries I've wanted / needed for a long time, stop wasting time in the mirror looking for new growth because IT JUST DOESN'T MATTER! Thank you everyone, I truly enjoy conversing with you all :-) -Sarah K.

Comment by PJ on January 12, 2012 at 10:57pm

@NoLongerHair...Praise the Lord. Had it not been for Him and my husband, where would I be. I am so grateful to have a husband who supports and love me for me...hair or not. It took me long time, many years, to overcome the loss of my beautiful long, thick hair. Believe me when I say that however, I am at a point of my life,,,living in the 4th quarter...living and loving myself as myself. Look into your heart and love who God has made us to be letting everyone know that the hair does not change us...I am loving the bald look, being so very liberated and I want to think that one day all who suffers from this alopecia don't let it rob you of LIFE. It is so precious. Think of things that are praisworthy, think of the could haves, the should haves and the would haves, if not..a wig or hair unit if it hurt that bad whereas you can take off or leave on...love your versitality..BE YOU...BE whom God made you to be,,,it is all in your heart....I am a witness, telling my testimony..it's ok, we're still living...above ground, resting in God's grace and His everlasting mercy. It's our season, walk in the newness of life!

Comment by Figarosmom on January 13, 2012 at 9:26am

@Sarah I just wanted to let you know that you are definately not the only person on here to have suicidal thoughts over hair loss. For me when I first got diagnosed, I plunged into a major depression and I openly told my family members I was contemplating suicide. My doctors knew, everybody knew. And that plunged them into action, getting me stablized and professional help. This did pull me through and now I am fine again. I have come to see suicidal thoughts more of a sign that your brain chemistry is way out of balance and that you are in need of medicine rather than you actually want to commit suicide. I wonder if many therapists of thought this as well. But anyway... I just wanted to share that. I am sure there are many people on here that think they are alone in that regard. No way.

Comment by Sarah on January 13, 2012 at 11:52pm

Thank you Figarosmom for telling your experience with that subject as dark as it truly is. As we were talking about before, it has to be like losing an arm or perhaps an ear... any extremity of the body. Something you're used to having and not really thinking much about that effects your every day whether you know it or not.... then it's taken away, HOW DO YOU FUNCTION? AAAHHH! It's been a HUGE source of depression for me, you can see it in my face, in the condition of my bedroom, car etc. I've focused so much energy on fixing this, it's ridiculous. It's so hard to not feel inadequate... for relationships, (if any... or possiblity for future ones), for jobs, for ANYTHING where others look at you. I have come to accept so many other things in the short time I've been dealing with this... like the other day there was a young man who got on the bus and was missing his arm. I thought to myself, what the heck am I complaining for, this young man is actually missing a limb and has to live the rest of his life that way... but he will overcome it too I hope, or has. I would date someone with a dissability... no questions asked. If someone is kind enough to accept me, I will accept them, even if they don't accept me, I still can accept them for who they are, unless they run over animals purposely with their car. Then they're freaks!! This is a life changer for sure. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. However, sometimes, I wish people could temporarily experience what it's like to deal with this so they can truly see what I go through, what so many in the world go through, physically, emotionally, mentally... etc. Like you Figarosmom, I too saw a therapist, but it didn't really help that I can't afford it, and she could not empathize. People here are my 'therapists' You all are so much help and I appreciate every person on here for sharing bits of their lives to help others. It's truly a wonderful site with wonderful people on here! If only Oprah knew... ha! She'd have us all on her show... well, channel now. Anyway, cheers to us all for making it through yet another day, and even more so to those who thoroughly enjoyed their day with a joyous smile on their face :-) -Sarah K.

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