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The AHA! Moment
Most of us can pinpoint The Moment when something big happened (Elvis died, Neil Armstrong stepped onto the moon, Challenger exploded, Kennedy was shot, Princess Diana died, Michael Jackson died, Twin Towers...).
What about the moment you realized you would stay bald forever (or thought you would), and said to the heavens, "Well. Okay, then," and just did what you had to do, from then on, as a person with hair loss...no more prayers, tears, bargaining, shots, etc.? When was that, what made your acceptance change, and what did you say to yourself?
For me, it was after AU changed to AT, when I found out my health plan wouldn't pay for shots/creams/wigs, and when my dermatologist told me that at my age (about 48 then), after years of AT or AU, I had more of a chance that I would stay this way despite shots. I decided the pain wasn't worth it anymore.
I knew then what I would wear on my head for the rest of my life, and bought accordingly (as needed). I changed what I wore when over heat (so, sons took the turkey OUT of the oven and put finishing touches on the meal if I had already gone to change from babushka to wig). I realized I could only date accepting men, or be in situations where I would feel comfortable emotionally (and physically...away from windstorms!). Because I had already had marriage and children, college and travel, I was internally satisfied...or through with...some of life's big questions. Some anger over other situations gave me the drive to focus on my profession and on my survival. Furthermore, I had children to raise...so my hair was the least of life's problems. Seeing news coverage on TV about Hurricane Katrina, while visiting a parent who had just learned he had six months left, also put things in perspective.
What do I say to myself? This is it. This is me. I am in a new world, and HAVE to be in that world...even if my galfriends and relatives can't relate. This is what I have been given as my lot, and people can love me or just leave. I can't change anything because someone orders me to or wishes it, and those people are wasting their time, dreaming, or are uninformed and rude. The shallow ones don't deserve Wonderful Me. The deep ones can stay!
I do not have to look like the Original Me or match my old color, because I have white sideburns now. Blond wasn't me from birth, but it matches that "alopecia white" on the sideburns now. Furthermore, I have to be able to talk about it without flinching, because students and employers will ask eventually; so, I had to develop a thicker skin on the subject of what I have and who I am.
Your turn...what was your "AHA! moment" in accepting your baldness?
What about the moment you realized you would stay bald forever (or thought you would), and said to the heavens, "Well. Okay, then," and just did what you had to do, from then on, as a person with hair loss...no more prayers, tears, bargaining, shots, etc.? When was that, what made your acceptance change, and what did you say to yourself?
For me, it was after AU changed to AT, when I found out my health plan wouldn't pay for shots/creams/wigs, and when my dermatologist told me that at my age (about 48 then), after years of AT or AU, I had more of a chance that I would stay this way despite shots. I decided the pain wasn't worth it anymore.
I knew then what I would wear on my head for the rest of my life, and bought accordingly (as needed). I changed what I wore when over heat (so, sons took the turkey OUT of the oven and put finishing touches on the meal if I had already gone to change from babushka to wig). I realized I could only date accepting men, or be in situations where I would feel comfortable emotionally (and physically...away from windstorms!). Because I had already had marriage and children, college and travel, I was internally satisfied...or through with...some of life's big questions. Some anger over other situations gave me the drive to focus on my profession and on my survival. Furthermore, I had children to raise...so my hair was the least of life's problems. Seeing news coverage on TV about Hurricane Katrina, while visiting a parent who had just learned he had six months left, also put things in perspective.
What do I say to myself? This is it. This is me. I am in a new world, and HAVE to be in that world...even if my galfriends and relatives can't relate. This is what I have been given as my lot, and people can love me or just leave. I can't change anything because someone orders me to or wishes it, and those people are wasting their time, dreaming, or are uninformed and rude. The shallow ones don't deserve Wonderful Me. The deep ones can stay!
I do not have to look like the Original Me or match my old color, because I have white sideburns now. Blond wasn't me from birth, but it matches that "alopecia white" on the sideburns now. Furthermore, I have to be able to talk about it without flinching, because students and employers will ask eventually; so, I had to develop a thicker skin on the subject of what I have and who I am.
Your turn...what was your "AHA! moment" in accepting your baldness?
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Comment by Bald and Fabulous AKA Terri on September 27, 2010 at 2:10am
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WOW so courageous Tallgirl. You are an inspiration to all.
As my bald journey has just started I do think sharing a moment of "AHA" for me would be the day that I actually decided to shave it off. I looked at the hair I just shaved off and said to myself "thats all of it??? that's what I was desperate to save??" and realizing how much pain I was causing myself cleaning up my hair off the floor and throwing myself in the garbage daily. I decided right then and there that no more.....no more was I going to hurt myself like that ever again. From now on anything that I decide to put on my head will be because I want to wear it not because I feel that I have to.
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Comment by Alexandra on September 27, 2010 at 1:44pm
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My "Aha!" moment happened when I realized that the only person who was really affected by my hair loss is me - and for no other reason than vanity. The people I love still love me, whether my hair is there, not there, blonde, red, wavy straight, fake, etc. And I learned that the people who would treat me poorly over hair aren't worth my time or energy. Who needs them and their crap?
Most importantly, I realized that I'm still the same person I always was. Aside from my thinning hair, I like myself better now than I did when I wasn't going through hair loss. I think I'm more compassionate, loving, genuine, and in touch with who I am. I still have my passions, hobbies, interests, and zest for life - and when I realized that and felt it to be true in my heart, my hair became expendable.
Alexandra
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Comment by Norm on September 27, 2010 at 3:05pm
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Well, looks like I'm wrong again.... I dived into this blog thinking it was gonna be about an '80's Swedish rock band (remember the Bond film The Living Daylights, anyone?). But no! It's TG, on the topic of one of life's pivotal moments. Oho! (no, that wasn't them....)
However, Mrs (Ms?) Tallgirl, I applaud your attitude in accepting the cards that life's dealt you. And that's what everyone has to do sooner or later, whether it's about alopecia or anything that knocks you for six. Otherwise, how will you ever enjoy life? How will you ever change, or accept change? Hey, isn't that one reason you gals are (were?) into changing your hairstyles and whatnot - because it's boring to stay the same? OK, I know - the bald thing doesn't give you a choice - but don't let that be the one thing that defines who you are.
Anyway. One of my "Aha!" moments came after I'd been rejected yet again because I was bald.... and instead of getting upset, I got angry, and decided that if people didn't like me - tough - this was who I was.
...still didn't get me any dates, though.... :)
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Comment by Sam Sam on September 27, 2010 at 5:01pm
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WOW this is great not only for Alopecia but accepting who you are in life AHA! Sometimes our AHA moments can come to fast or to slow. But when it does come it seems to be the peace we thought we never had.I stop crying when I learned to hide it. I stop worrying when I became free to tell about it. I never stop praying, i even got the courage to stop hiding it, and now I am free. I said to my sister today, i can't believe I cried over this and prayed over this for years and the answer was right there. Just to let go. I cared more about it than anyone else who see me.
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Comment by JeffreySF on September 27, 2010 at 7:35pm
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I got my "Aha" moment 8 months after my first head shave.
Picture it, NAAF 2008 Louisville KY....Thanks for meeting me in the Hotel Lobby Cheryl, RJ and Roger!
From the start of the Conference I realized I wasn't alone. From then on it's been a pretty smooth ride with the occasional pot hole. Bump!
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Comment by Tallgirl on September 28, 2010 at 12:02am
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You know, there is that opening scene in Fiddler on the Roof where Tevye says, "We've always had our special types..." when talking about the characters in the small village. I think if we can just see ourselves as lovable CHARACTERS, ready for recognition for whatever/whomever we are (good, mischievious, or "interesting"), life becomes easier than when measuring up against a Hollywood or magazine type. We all have a special laugh, a sense of humor, some talent/outlook/style...OTHER than what is going on headwise.
I used to say, even as a teen, "I am perfect...perfectly me." My friends were "perfectly" themselves, and I knew what I would get 9 times out of 10 when visiting them or calling them. True, shocks and surprises can happen with anyone...but all in all, isn't it grand that we are such individual characters? The sooner we crawl out of the alopecia confusion state and become ourselves again, the better it is for all of our friendships. By the way...I prefer to go by "Ms!"
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Comment by margaret staib on September 28, 2010 at 10:34am
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I'll say it again wow, what a wonderful site. So many wonderful posts. I love reading all these wonderful positive energy pieces. My aha? I think mine happens more than just one day. I am always being reminded of how it's all going to be ok, when my daughter sees someone looking at me in my scarf and she looks at me and says, "mom don't worry about her, your beautiful. or when I talk to a friend with two little girls that is going through brain cancer right now and she knows she won't live out the year, or when my husband rubs my head and looks in my eyes and says, I love your sparkle. It's those little aha's that make the big aha, now we just have to believe those things. That's the key to pushing through to get to the point of ahhhhhhhhhh. :)
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Comment by Pat on September 28, 2010 at 3:58pm
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My aha moment came when I entered my second round with AU. It was then I realised this thing wasn't going to go away and I would probably have it the rest of my life so learn to live with it girl or you'll end up crazy. So I did what I needed to do for me...got eyeliner tatooed and then eyebrows and did the research on what wigs were out there and through trial and error now have the wigs that I can live with. It's been quite a journey. I accepted the old me was gone..yes there was grief with that I won't lie and say there wasn't...but that I could make the best of the new me. More than anything else I've developed a sense of humour and learned to laugh at myself and not be such a sensitive ninny.
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One thing for sure...I cut my routine in half each morning by not havine to curl or blow dry hair. I have even gotten to the point of leaving off half the make-up. Who the heck cares? It is mostly about my personality and teaching ability, anyway. I am there to do a job for an employer and the students...not to be a beauty queen. That realization was AHA #2.
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