I am a freshman in college and have personally had Alopecia for almost 5 years now. I would say that it doesn't bother me anymore, but sometimes I find myself staring in the mirror and wondering what I would look like if I still had my long, brown hair. I think the hardest part of having Alopecia is that my twin sister does not and I have a constant reminder of how things should be. I know it's not her fault, but I feel like that is almost natural to feel. Fortunately, these moments of weakness always start the same and end the same. They start with a comment that an outsider made or from staring at Facebook photos of other teenage girls for too long and they end with me realizing that it's just hair and that the only thing that can define me is my character. These moments end with a big smile and with the realization that I am beautiful and fine just the way I am! But you will find that even though I have accepted myself and that being bald does not really bother me anymore, I still have insecurities that creep up every once in a while. But like I said, I feel like it is completely natural!

It is just crazy to me that after all the 10 years of my Mom having AU and the 5 I have bounced between AA, AT and AU, that it still hurts when someone calls me ugly or scary looking! I mean, screw them, right!? But at the same time, I still feel those pangs when the guys look past me and go to my friends or when kids say inappropriate things just because they don't know any better. And I think that is what bothers me most! That it still affects me after all this time!

I don't know, I guess I have this idea that complete self-acceptance means that stuff like that shouldn't have an affect on me and I guess I just hate myself for being the slightest bit sad from time to time after everything I have been through and after knowing the things that I know about life and friendship and vanity.

I know it even the strongest have a weak spot but I just wish I didn't, you know? It would make some days so much easier.