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The lesser of 2 evils
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Comment by Josh McDowell on August 13, 2014 at 2:44am
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Most women on the site experience great relief and liberation after finally shaving it off. Putting it off may just prolong the pain. You have to be really ready to do it though, so make sure you are committed to the idea of being bald.
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Comment by Rose on August 13, 2014 at 3:23am
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Haven't had any hair since age three, so I don't speak from experience on this one. But a girl I work with got AA at about age 35. She tried all kinds of ways to hide it and finally gave up, shaved her head, and said "this is me." She never wore a wig after that, or let any of her regrowth grow out. I envied her a little bit as she had no secret, no worries... well, other than most people assuming she must be going thru chemotherapy. Also, had a friend who had AA. got spots of hair loss all the time, in various places on her head. She chose using shots in the bald areas (I think it was steroids... not sure) which made that spot grow back in. Then a new circle of hair loss would show up... her head felt like a land mine (from the atrophy that shots can cause), but she never did had to wear a wig. For her, that worked! In the end, this is YOUR decision, based on your life and personality. I don't think anyone can tell YOU for sure shaving is best. (but it COULD be) Grieve the loss of your hair... my heart hurts for your heartache.
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Comment by MamaDavis on August 13, 2014 at 8:25am
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I don't know if I'll ever truely be ready to shave my head, but I wasn't ready for my hair to start falling out either!!! I read how most women feel liberated and really embrace being bald. I know it will be an adjustment, but at least I would feel as tho I have some sort of control over this. I know my family and friends will support me either way. Honestly I loved my hair before all this, I had great hair so shaving will be an adjustment, but I think emotionally it will be better for me to wake up and it all be gone than to keep losing it. I had a lady tell me not to feel silly because I am grieving a loss, but I do feel silly being so emotional over it. Afterall it is just hair, and not something lifethreatening. I don't know I go back and forth with myself!! I get the results of my biospy today but feel as tho they can't tell me anything I don't already know and that's the fact that they don't have any answers!!! I'm sad, angry, frustrated and just so confused as to why!?!?! *deep breathe* I've been told everything happens for a reason, but what could possibly be the reason for folks to have to go thru this!!!
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oh my dear... NO ONE wanted you to lose your hair. the REASON is just due to human imperfection. A confused immune system. You don't need this to happen to you, you do not deserve this, and a loving God would never cause a woman to lose her hair; after all, He is the one who created us with this "crown of glory." Losing your hair SHOULD be grieved... I asked a friend of mine who was undergoing chemo for cancer, if she could lose her breast or her hair, which would she pick? she did not hesitate one second in her answer "MY BREAST.. I'd NEVER want to lose my hair." It doesn't matter if you had the wimpiest hair ever, it was YOUR HAIR. Cry over this loss. Don't minimize it. No, you're not doing to die. it's not life threatening, but it is life altering. This loss will get easier to deal with... in time. But you are never expected to be okay with it. You just learn to live with it. Like losing a loved one. Your life may never be the same without them, but you figure out a way to go on living, with the loss. thinking of you.... (:
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On the bright side, you have a husband who is supportive, so that should really be helpful. You may not feel ready right now, but you just have to continue to take things one step at a time as you have been. It's sad you are losing your hair, which was very important to you, and it's not silly at all that you are grieving. Allow yourself to feel the grief, but don't let it overcome you. Keep us updated.
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So, did you decide to shave or wait and see?
Back in January of this year I was debating about shaving it all off too. I know it is a difficult decision because neither option seems good. I decided to shave it after I could no longer conceal it and I was wearing wigs daily. I held out for a while because I liked having a little hair peeking out from under a hat when I wore one. Honestly I think I would have been happier if I shaved sooner.
I can really relate to your comment about wanting some control and that is exactly what shaving gave me. Being able to shave was like saying to my hair....you can't quit....you're fired! (even though I also loved my hair) I have about 10% that still grows so I keep shaving it everyday. Ultimately I think you should ask yourself....is my hair still serving me? If not, the lesser evil to me is shaving.
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I shaved!!!! It took me a while but I did it this morning and not a tear shed!! :)
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Comment by Mel* on September 10, 2014 at 9:32pm
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You women and men are so brave. This disease is definitely life changing. I went from a healthy, active 24 year old to a depressed, sad person. I don't even know who I am anymore when I look in the mirror and see the amount of hair I have lost. I cry everyday when I have to shower because I am afraid the water will wash away my brows and lashes that I have left. It's heartbreaking. Exhausting. I cannot sleep and the last time I woke up smiling was 4 months ago now before this started happening.
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Awww mel I was right there with you! I just really gathered NY strength from those around me and reading the courageous stories here. Try a wig for a while. I just decided that for me I needed some control over this. I hated my kids seeing mommy so depressed and crying all the time. I want them to know that no matter what life throws at us we take it deal with it and keep moving toward. I told myself if I didn't see improvement at my last doctors appointment that I was shaving it off. After that very discouraging appointment, it took me exactly a week to shave it off. I wish u the best my dear and always here to lend an ear.
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The best advice I think I've been given thru all of this is, you have to let yourself grieve for the loss of your hair. It sounds silly, but I found myself going thru the stages of grief. Denial, anger, sad, just plain devistated, but I'm coming to the acceptance stage. I got a wig a couple a weeks ago and two new ones yesterday. Love being able to throw on a different look within seconds. I've decided I will no longer be a victim and its time to have some fun with this and raise awareness to those around me! Prayers for you to find your own peace and acceptance.
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