Thoughts on being a bald science fiction icon at Comic-Con

I want to share my thoughts about wearing my Ilia costume at Comic-Con. Attached is a photo of the original character, played by Persis Khambatta in 1979's Star Trek - The Movie.

For my two days in the costume, when people looked at me, they DIDN'T see a woman with cancer, or a masculine-looking female. They saw me as normal and healthy - more than that, they saw me as beautiful and sexy! (I apologize if this sounds boastful, but the character is much-loved and I nailed the costume.)

For two days, I was stopped repeatedly and asked to pose for photos. Young, nice-looking men wanted to have their picture taken with me. Countless people told me how awesome I looked. Best of all, NO ONE thought I was sick or unusual because of my bald head! I was "normal". (I think most assumed I had shaved. I was asked how long it would take my hair to grow back, and complimented for my commitment to the character for shaving my head.)

As I drove home and back to real life as a bald woman, I felt sad in the same way I felt sad after my first NAAF conference last year when I walked around on the streets of St. Louis with lots of other bald women: sad because I was going back to being the ONLY bald woman, and therefore back to being seen as ill, or strange, or unfeminine by many people.

I hope that those of you who feel more comfortable in a wig understand that I completely respect your choice and that I want everyone to do what feels best for them. I am NOT anti-wig; unfortunately, they just didn't work out for me. But, for those of you who are "on the fence" or who have considered going "out" bald for whatever reason, I urge you to give it a try. Take baby steps and you may find, as I did, that it just gets easier and becomes who you are.

I urge this because I dream of the day when all bald women, myself included, could feel just as normal, unremarkable, and beautiful as I felt in my Ilia costume at Comic-Con. I firmly believe that this day will come, but only after there are many more bald women seen in public. The only way that will happen is if we do it. 

Views: 1580

Comment by Garden Girl on July 29, 2014 at 8:48am

Mary,

Thank you for sharing your experiences.  I agree, you totally "nailed" the look and it sounds like it was an awesome experience.  I was really touched by your message.  Thanks for sharing.

Comment by Mary on July 29, 2014 at 11:23am

I'm excited to see how many locations we have participating this year...there are some new countries.  :-)

Comment by Norm on July 29, 2014 at 11:46am

Pssst.... Jabba.... about the legs - I heard on the grapevine that Mary made those herself too. It took her from since she was born, but they're deffo the biz. Even made her own DNA, apparently... :)

Comment by Mary on July 29, 2014 at 11:53am

Decades of folk dancing and teaching dance helped out with the legs, Norm.  :-)

Comment by Norm on July 29, 2014 at 11:56am

NOW you tell me.... I think it's probably too late for me. I've never been able to pull off a short skirt.... well, not without getting a slap for trying, haha!

Comment by Brenda on July 29, 2014 at 12:35pm

I still haven't been out in public without a wig except for a brief appearance at the Awareness booth with you in the mall.  But I love you for being that voice in my head that is always encouraging and reassuring that when and if I do, I WILL be beautiful!  It was you who made me see myself in a positive light as a bald women. Please continue to encourage us.  I happen to be able to be comfortable in a wig but when I look at myself in the mirror without it, I love what I see, thanks to you!!!!

Comment by Mary on July 29, 2014 at 1:14pm

That's wonderful, Brenda.  I just sent you a message about International Alopecia Day in San Diego this Saturday.  I hope you can come!

Comment by wisteria on July 29, 2014 at 1:21pm

Hi Mary, it sounds like you had a good time! I admit I am not a treckie but my hubby and son are. I think you raise a really interesting point. I have to wear a wig or I just do not feel like 'me', I could never walk out the house without it. I have male pattern baldness so it looks worse than completely bald. I actually look like an orangutan! I have to constantly cut it so wigs will stay on. My baldness was caused by chemotherapy so that's what I associate my 'look' to. I have wondered if I would feel different if it didn't have that connection with me. So I am interested to know if you think 'cancer' (even though that wasn't the cause) when you look in the mirror? I only know from my perspective.

 

Comment by Mary on July 29, 2014 at 2:56pm

Thanks for your comments, Wisteria.  I don't think cancer at all when I look in the mirror.  It took me about a year after I decided I had to get used to being bald because I found wigs way too hot.  Now I just see Mary.  It's different for everyone, and, as I wrote, I want women to do what makes them feel best about themselves.

Comment by Cheryl, Co-founder on July 30, 2014 at 2:32pm

Mary, the thing that struck me most is the fact that when it is "make believe", meaning people thought you were wearing a costume or playing a character it seemed to be more acceptable.  Even within our own minds many would say that they would love to do that... or can't wait until Halloween and they can pull that off.  But what really changed once you walked out of that conference?  The only thing I can think of is perception.

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