Alopecia World
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Three ladies, three different experiences with baldness
Yesterday I met and spoke to two women.
The first was a bald black woman in the library and when I asked if she had alopecia she responded that, no, she just liked the look. Thirteen years ago she shaved her head and continued to do so to this day. We spoke for a bit and exchanged shaving tips and our thoughts on living our lives as bald women.
Later on that even while grocery shopping a lady made eye contact with me and then asked if I have cancer. I told her about my alopecia and she continued to tell me that a few months ago she looked just like me. We spoke about her cancer and my alopecia and before she left she parted with the words “I wish that the baldness was my only health issue". I wished her good health and thought, me too.
So often I hear alopecians say that they struggle with people thinking they may have cancer, my experience is that it is usually people who are going through cancer that approach me. They too are looking for connection and we have an awesome opportunity to share and learn with them.
My alopecia and baldness brings me face to face with life, illness and possibly fatality, fashion statements and freedom statements, rebellion and surrender, confidence and humility, rejection and self-acceptance, conformity and self-expression, self-hatred and self-love, hope, reality and an always a new perspective.
Whether I search out opportunities or they find me, the connections in my life are like spider webs. I understand that I have something to exchange with a multitude of women in different situation and these are just a few of the connection with my alopecia! We can decide to spin our webs and grow in these opportunities.
Any thoughts? Or perhaps some opportunities in which your alopecia experience connected with others?
The first was a bald black woman in the library and when I asked if she had alopecia she responded that, no, she just liked the look. Thirteen years ago she shaved her head and continued to do so to this day. We spoke for a bit and exchanged shaving tips and our thoughts on living our lives as bald women.
Later on that even while grocery shopping a lady made eye contact with me and then asked if I have cancer. I told her about my alopecia and she continued to tell me that a few months ago she looked just like me. We spoke about her cancer and my alopecia and before she left she parted with the words “I wish that the baldness was my only health issue". I wished her good health and thought, me too.
So often I hear alopecians say that they struggle with people thinking they may have cancer, my experience is that it is usually people who are going through cancer that approach me. They too are looking for connection and we have an awesome opportunity to share and learn with them.
My alopecia and baldness brings me face to face with life, illness and possibly fatality, fashion statements and freedom statements, rebellion and surrender, confidence and humility, rejection and self-acceptance, conformity and self-expression, self-hatred and self-love, hope, reality and an always a new perspective.
Any thoughts? Or perhaps some opportunities in which your alopecia experience connected with others?
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Comment by Christa M. on July 29, 2010 at 4:16pm
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I noticed too that alopecia brings a lot of very intense human contacts and experiences. That's definitely a good point.
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Comment by Cheryl, Co-founder on July 30, 2010 at 1:00am
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Susan, I am the same way, I will make eye contact. The fact that I don't wear a wig, let the other person know for sure that I have alopecia. So I will smile and see where it goes from there. But if the person has not revealed to me in some way that they have alopecia I will not bring it up. I agree with you that we need to respect another person privacy. I once took a night class at a university and towards the end of the semester one of the girls kept starring at me. I thought for sure that for some reason or another she just did not like me. It turns out that towards the last day of classes she approached me and told me that she had started to lose her hair. So you never know, one day she may approach you. I guess for now you can just continue to make eye contact and say hello.
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Christa, Alopecia seems to bring an instant bond to others who suffer from hair loss. I have had some deeper conversation with stranger than some friends in some situations. This is how I know this is not a punishment. There is no way a "punishment" could bring so much meaning to these chance meetings.
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Rose, I know that you share your experience as a mother with a child with alopecia with other. I have seen and read a lot of your responses to blogs and discussions. Your daughter is blessed and so is Alopecia World with your presence.
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Comment by Tallgirl on July 30, 2010 at 1:13am
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I rarely encounter anyone in my small redneck town who would go out in public bald, even if with alopecia or chemo. I do not see anyone without hair in my world, and rarely spot anyone in a wig. So, my connection with others who share being bald is through this site and Sacramento alopecia support groups, plus NAAF. No one in my family, career or circle of friends...no one in my neighborhood, non-AW communications, schooling has or understands alopecia...just me. It has mostly been like I am the only person on Earth with this condition, since 1963. Disappointments have come in meeting NEW people (new meaning not those with whom I established loving friendships with while growing up or when haired, including the ex-husband and father of my children. We met 1983, he left 1999. Wasn't this the person who was supposed to stay by me, no matter what?) Any honest connections I make now on AW are serving as my social life...and lifeline...for self-analysis, research, laughs and the kind of communication I SHOULD have had all along. Kind of like a long-term therapy session.
Luckily, I took my wig off at one of my first staff in-training sessions at my current job, so about 7 people have SEEN what I might be exposed to physically and emotionally if one of my students pulls off my wig, and others have now HEARD about it. My staff seems to at least be accepting and supportive, even though only I bring the topic up, and with humor when I do (like when having to go watch a P.E. class on a windy day). So, to answer your question, my alopecia connection is mostly with those here on AW, not in real life. Real life people who are not long-time friends do not know how to talk about IT, or do not yet know how to talk to me. When one is as old as I, and have had alopecia as long as I, there are few surprises. When a surprise does come along, it is a major episode personally. (Huh? What is THIS?) I think the acceptance or rejection of my alopecia has become my measure of who will and won't be in my world.
By the way...good title for this website!
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Tallgirl, you do share your alopecia life with others. Your co-workers now know what Alopecia is and the fact that you joke about it, also shows that you are not hiding the fact that you have alopecia. Even when you are wearing a wig and other know, there are opportunities that can come your way. A student may be diagnosed and another teacher will know exactly who to send them to if he/she needs to talk.
I hope I get to be one of those alopecians that you meet one day ;)
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You will...you will! Too bad I can't afford that 40-year high school reunion trip to the Detroit area in two weeks!
Think NAAF conference 2011!
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Amen Stacey. Great point! What people may see as our weakness can also quickly become our strengths. As women we have daughters, friends and strangers we meet that can now see self-confidence and self-worth. Most woman can relate our alopecia to some aesthetic struggle they have (weight, varicose veins, scars, acne and the list goes on) and we have the opportunity to show them that these little imperfections don't make a whole.
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Comment by Petra on July 30, 2010 at 3:40pm
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I just started going out with scarves on my head this May. I still get anxious at times thinking how others will relate to me but I go out and hold my head up high. In the last couple of weeks I have meet two people that asked me if I was going through chemo. The question did not bother me since I think that is what most people assume anyways. The first was a gentlemen I met at the dog park and he just had a good friend that was going through chemo...I explained that I had alopecia which was hair loss. The second encounter was a lady in my yoga class...Yes, I am taking yoga in public :-).....who also wanted to know if I was having chemo. I told her I had alopecia and she knew what it was since there is a student in her class that also has it. We talked about wigs and how uncomfortable they are.....she tried wearing one after she lost her hair through chemo. She is still having chemo but no hair loss. This lady is living with cancer, as long as the chemo is doing it's job she is o.k. I just wanted to hug her....I just couldn't image what she was going through. I admire her strength and her positive outlook. I am so glad that she took the time to approach me and I hope that I see her in one of my yoga classes.
I think that most of the people that approach us feel that there is some kind of kinship, they either have had hair loss or know someone that has had hair loss, usually through chemo. It would be nice if someone would approach me and ask if I have alopecia because Hey, I have it too. As for the ladys friend with alopecia, I told her that she should let her friend know that there is a GREAT support group on-line called Alopecia World and if her friend is not familiar with it to check us out.
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Comment by Amy on July 30, 2010 at 7:56pm
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Thanks Cheryl! Your post really hit the spot! I've been having lots of encounters since I made the decision not to wig at work (at least right now)... I've been touched by the concern my patrons at the library show, and their relief when I tell them that I'm cancer-free. But it's draining, too. Thanks for helping me to stay positive!
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