Comment by Carol on September 5, 2010 at 10:12am

This is how she looks now...

Comment by kastababy on September 5, 2010 at 10:13am

Carol --

Knowing the pain and hurt we went through ourselves growing up, you have to be commended for having a daughter who at age 9 is much stronger than we were! It's a true testament to the strength of her character (and yours, BTW) that she is voluntarily giving her hair up. By teaching her that true beauty comes from the inside and having her internalize that, she is doing nothing more than practicing what we all preach. That she has been wanting to do this for quite some time is even more remarkable. That means she has very carefully thought about it, judged the pros and cons, and has decided that being bald is worth whatever risk. It's a remarkable show of maturity for someone so young, so I am wholeheartedly in favor of you honoring her wishes.

I wish I had been bold enough to forgo the wig and force my parents to let me be just as I am when I was her age -- perhaps it would have been much less of a struggle then, and not as much of a struggle now as an adult. And in the worst case scenario -- if she cuts it off and doesn't like it -- you can always get her a hat or scarf or wig until it grows back!!

Give your daughter a big hug for me and tell her she has a supporter in Tennessee backing her up on this one!!

Hugs to you both!!!

Comment by kastababy on September 5, 2010 at 10:20am

Girl if she wants to cut her hair off then let her do it -- she's adorable regardless and knows it and is comfortable with her own image enough to take such a drastic step -- she's my new hero!!!

Comment by Dominique Cleopatra on September 5, 2010 at 1:08pm

I don't know, I'm not a parent, but my gut instinct tells me that at just 9 years old she may not be mature enough to understand the ramifications of such a decision (not that it would be the end of the world, or that it wouldn't grow back.) Also, Fall and Winter are coming up is she willing to wear heavy hats all the time? Will she be cold? I'd love for other parents to chime in on this one. I think you should at least make her wait several months to be sure this is what she wants to do.

Comment by Chefpam on September 5, 2010 at 3:24pm

This made me cry. What an angel you have! Congrats on teaching her what beauty really is. I guess it's our Mothering instinct that wants to protect them at all costs. I think she is trying to show you that what you would do for her, she would for you. That is precious! I don't know what the right decision for you would be personally but it sounds like whatever the result-you already have what matters most-unconditional love!!

Comment by Norm on September 5, 2010 at 6:33pm

I don't have any kids, so I don't know if I'm really qualified to comment, but I think I'd be inclined to go along with her wishes.
I think what's happened with your daughter is that, because she's lived her life with someone who's already bald (you), she's used to it and therefore doesn't see it as anything other than "normal"... in a way, it's the ultimate expression of wanting a bald head to be an acceptable thing for women to have. It sounds to me like she doesn't think it's a big deal - she doesn't have the hangups or the emotional baggage. She just thinks it looks pretty. She happens to be right, and an awful lot of peeps could learn much from her.

From what you're saying, if she understands how others may react, then I don't see how you can say "No"... there are innumerable blogs and discussions on here about the desire for society to accept bald gals, so it's almost hypocritical to stop her. If she doesn't like it, hey, so what? It'll grow again. And if the weather's colder, that's a good excuse to wear a hat...

Comment by Tallgirl on September 5, 2010 at 9:08pm

...and you could have two photo shoots, one with hair, and one without. Ask the school photographer if you could even do both with him and order both, so your daughter can decide which she wants to post in the living room or trade with pals, once she goes through a few weeks of peers reactions. You will always have a record of the experience either way. Maybe you can even bring the clippers to the photo session and do varying styles for the roll of film, so later she can see which worked best for her!

Comment by Diane on September 7, 2010 at 9:14am

This question is interesting and I thought about it all week-end. As a mother of 2 girls about the same age as yours (6 and 8 years old) and an alopecian, I feel particularly challenged.

I think that at these ages, a child is not mature enough to take this kind of decision and to see all its implications. Moreover, a child wants to please his/her parent, they want to look like us…. I think it is impossible, in the relation parent-children, to remove these components from the actions and wishes of a children.

To make speechs about alopecia in class and being bald person, is not the same thing at all! The children, between them are malicious and the adults too! You will be judged by the others parents and so will be your dauther by the others kids....

Also, as a parent, we are here to support our children and not the opposite. A child does not have to support his/her parents in anything, including alopecia. It's our responsibility and our combat as adult with alopecia.

So without any hesitation, I would say NO to my daughters if one of them wanted to shave her hair.

But in the other hand, I would tell them a moment when they will be able to shave their head if they want (p.ex, after 16 years of age) and find other actions they can do to promote self-acceptance and tolerance to the differences we all, as human, have.

Juste my 2 cents! I'm sure you will do what is the best for your daugther!
Diane

Comment by Sam Sam on September 16, 2010 at 3:28pm

That is very sweet of her. I am sure you laid down all the facts and everything she might face because being bald is not easy, but at her age she might not fully understand the process and the stares and questions might be overwhelming. I would not let my child do so. It takes so much mentally to prepare, no matter how much its said to me. I never knew what being bald was like until i actually went outside bald. I would tell my child that if she is into dolls , she canshave her dolls head for awarness until she gets a certian age. I think to be very honest on how you feel is better than leaving it up in the air. If its yes then doo it right away, but you also have to be prepared, now a days schools want to know everything in detials. If its a strong no, then explain it to her why, and see if there is maybe something else she would do to make Mommy happy.

Comment by kastababy on September 16, 2010 at 4:24pm

Diane, I don't have any children; however, I am the oldest of 13 children (the youngest is 11) and the proud aunt of 2 nieces and 2 nephews -- and my 6-year-old niece is my sidekick and the light of my life. She has cut her hair for Locks of Love (with no prompting from anyone) because she has seen me every day of her life without hair -- yet is very quick to point out when I wear a wig or a scarf that I don't need to wear one because "you don't need to hide what God gave you." My sister and I have had the conversation about what she would do if Michaela were to come home one day and want to shave her head -- and the answer to that is to allow her to do so. Children are so much more mature these days than we ever were at the same age, and to preach acceptance yet deny our children the very thing that symbolizes acceptance is not only hypocritical, but it's just plain wrong.

I was diagnosed with AA at age 4 -- younger than my oldest niece is now -- and I know first hand the kind of teasing and ostracism that comes with being different. I also know that in my adult life, all of my younger siblings and my niece's teachers and classmates have always known me with alopecia and a bald head. So if Michaela decided to go to school the next day with no hair and said she was supporting me as a reason, nobody would bat an eye. I doubt my 4 youngest sisters would take so drastic a step (them being very shallow and more concerned with being popular and following the in crowd than in doing the right thing, regardless of circumstance), so I don't even include them in the conversation.

You are right -- as an alopecian, it is my responsibility to support my child and my nieces and nephews in whatever it is they decide to do. But I don't know how you were raised -- in my family, and in the families of my friends that I grew up with as well, as a member of a family we were also raised to support our parents as well in what they choose to do -- if I weren't an alopecian, and my mother had cancer and lost her hair, I would shave my hair off in an instant to support her, child or adult -- it's a no-brainer to me.

In today's world, we remove so much responsibility from the lives of children that they grow up ill-equipped to handle responsibility when it comes to them in adulthood. Nobody understands the concept of consequences to behavior anymore. I don't want anyone to see my reaction to this posting as punitive in the least -- however, if Carol's daughter has lived her entire life with an alopecian mother, then she doesn't know this to be anything other than normal FOR HER. I have no doubt in my mind that Carol has taught all of her children that she (Carol) is the exception and not the rule -- and if I am understanding this correctly, her father has given his support as well. So I still wholeheartedly stand by Carol's daughter and support her decision to cut her hair. This child has a phenomenal support system already in place ready to step in and cheer her on regardless of what she chooses to do.

Carol, tell your little girl her fan club in Nashville is growing -- I've discussed this with my friendgirls in Atlanta and Memphis and they all stand behind her 150 percent too -- she's our hero!!! :)

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