Alopecia World
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What Do You Say To Curious Children?
So, last night my husband and I are having dinner on the outdoor patio of a nice restaurant. It was a beautiful San Diego evening, so I was bald when we came in, and stayed that way for the first part of the meal. As we sat down, I noticed three little girls at a nearby table staring at me and exclaiming to their mother. I'd guess the kids were about 5 or 6 years old. I ignored them, and eventually put on one of my Turkish scarves when it got cooler.
After awhile, the three girls came up and stood next to me. One of them looked at me with wide eyes, and said "You don't have any hair." I told her that's right. She asked me why. I told her that I'm not sick, I just don't have hair. She asked me why. I thought "alopecia areata" would be too much for her, so I said there's something wrong so that I don't grow any hair anymore, but I'm fine. She asked why....
About this time, her mother apologized. I said it's okay and that it's a good thing for kids to be curious and ask questions nicely. I told the mother what I have and that I just lost my hair 2 years ago, and she knew about AA because she's a hairdresser. She complimented me on my skin, eyes, head shape, and attitude, and thanked me for talking to the kids. The kids started to ask more questions, and mom said that was enough.
I never had children, and have never been around them very much. Those of you with more experience, how do you think children's questions about my bald head should be answered? What do you say to a child who keeps asking "why"? How do those of you who go out in public bald handle kid's questions?
Mary
After awhile, the three girls came up and stood next to me. One of them looked at me with wide eyes, and said "You don't have any hair." I told her that's right. She asked me why. I told her that I'm not sick, I just don't have hair. She asked me why. I thought "alopecia areata" would be too much for her, so I said there's something wrong so that I don't grow any hair anymore, but I'm fine. She asked why....
About this time, her mother apologized. I said it's okay and that it's a good thing for kids to be curious and ask questions nicely. I told the mother what I have and that I just lost my hair 2 years ago, and she knew about AA because she's a hairdresser. She complimented me on my skin, eyes, head shape, and attitude, and thanked me for talking to the kids. The kids started to ask more questions, and mom said that was enough.
I never had children, and have never been around them very much. Those of you with more experience, how do you think children's questions about my bald head should be answered? What do you say to a child who keeps asking "why"? How do those of you who go out in public bald handle kid's questions?
Mary
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Comment by Jenna4 on April 8, 2010 at 11:35am
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Mary - good question, I can't wait to hear the responses...I told my 9 year old that my body was basically allergic to my hair and it was falling out. Since I am so new to being bald, I haven't had to deal with this yet, but am curious how others handle it. My kids are 16-15-12 and 9 (2 steps in there) and they always have friends over. This weekend I will be having to deal with a house full of teenage boys that will hopefully accept the new me!
I think a simple explanation that it is a medical condition should suffice, then depending on the age a more bit more detail on the specifics. Kids can be curious!
Great topic!
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Comment by Kari M on April 8, 2010 at 5:35pm
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My own kids don't know me with hair, so for them it's never been an issue.
Whenever other kids ask, I just tell them that my immune system, the part of our bodies that fights germs, is a little screwed up, and seems to think that my hair is actually a germ! So it attacks my hair, and won't let it grow. I'm not sick, I just have no hair.
In most cases, the parents are embarrassed that their kids ask in the first place, but then they are impressed at how I handle it. I tell them that it's no big deal . . . we are all different in one way or another, and the kids just need to be able to classify something that's different.
When my oldest son was 6, we went into the local pharmacy. Behind the counter was a young teenager, who was missing her arm from the elbow down. You could tell that she had probably been missing it for a while, since she was compensating so well that only someone at eye-level (i.e. my 6yr old) would really notice. In his stage whisper, he asked me "MOMMY! Why does that girl only have one arm?!?" So I whispered back "RYAN! Why does Mommy have no hair?" He thought for a moment, broke into a smile and said loudly "Oh yeah! Everybody's different!"
Something to remember as we are all going through this journey . . . everyone is different. Whether you have alopecia, impetaigo, a missing limb, a harelip, freckles, brown eyes instead of blue . . . there will ALWAYS be something about yourself that sets you apart and makes you different from everybody else or even from who you wish you could be.
But even MORE important? Different is NOT BAD. Different, is just DIFFERENT.
Lotsa love and support for y'all.
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Comment by rj, Co-founder on April 8, 2010 at 7:17pm
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As the father of three "little women," let me give you this advice: Look 'em dead in the face with the most amicable smile you can muster, grab 'em by the collar -- TIGHT! -- and start yelling as loud as you can, "None of your goshdarn business, ya lil' snotty snosed brat!" LMBO
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Comment by Mary on April 8, 2010 at 7:26pm
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Love it, rj! The questioner touched my forearm as if to see whether I'm real. I gave her a little poke with my finger on her tummy in return. She seemed surprised. ( ;-)
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Mary, I know what you mean. I see children look at my alopecic and adorable wife that way all the time. Of course, I typically intervene with my vintage scowl. LOL Seriously, though: I'm confident that Cheryl would agree that most children are great interlocutors when it comes to alopecia. That's because they're naturally curious, and that's usually the extent of it. Thanks to Cheryl, I've observed on many occasions that a beautiful and disarming smile does more to satisfy their curiosity than any explanation an alopecian could offer. In the rare cases where your smile isn't enough, just trust your heart to give you the words to say. :-)
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Comment by Galvin on April 8, 2010 at 7:53pm
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I go with the allergy response. But those kids sounded really rude and touching your arm, whoa! I'm
really surprised a parent would leave their children alone in a public restaurant. I think after the
second why....I would of yelled, "somebody get these f*#KiNg kids away from me!
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Well, Galvin...maybe you had to be there. Sometimes I feel that way, too. These particular kids were very sweet, and maybe I was just in a good mood. Another time a kid in a store started pointing at me and carrying on, and I gave him a mean look and told him (within earshot of his mother who had done nothing to correct him) "It's really rude to point at people!"
(The 2nd Annual National Bald Out™Day is July 17, 2010. Let's do some consciousness raising!)
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Comment by Trixie on April 8, 2010 at 8:07pm
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I explained to my best friends daughter and my son at the same time. My son knew I was loosing my hair and I was wearing a wig, scarves and hats and was not phased at all . My best friend knew what was going on and had read up about it. I told her daughter (who likes to ask a lot of questions) I was fine but that I became allergic to my hair. I was a simple explanation that a 9 and 11 year old could understand and not up set them. That satisfied the two of them and stuck with my son because sometime after I shaved my head I was upset and when he saw me he said "your allergic." and it made me feel a bit better.
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Ive never had kids point but then again I usually have on a wig and if I dont I have a scarf and or a hat on. People were staring at the all day concert I went to last year where I ended up taking my wig off in the middle of the day and walking around. I had my some friends with me and Im pretty sure that if someone had said anything out of the way to me a few of my guy friends would have said something back (not that they would have needed to....lol)
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Comment by Cindy on April 9, 2010 at 2:50am
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Mary, my daughter Sam who has the AA gave her a talk to her girl scout troop recently and told a group of 7-8 yr old girls that her body was allergic to her hair. She said some people are allergic to milk, peanuts, animals, etc and that her allergy was that her body did not like her hair. That you can see her allergy unlike other types. She said she was not contagious and no one could catch it. And she explained that anytime her hair can decide to grow. We did not get into using the word immune system because it too big of a concept for them to understand at this age. The kids really understood it.
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