Comment by Dominique Cleopatra on July 5, 2009 at 4:50am

As someone who has lost most of her hair, I don't know why you are planning on shaving your head if no one can even tell you have alopecia? Of course it is anyone's right to shave or not shave no matter how much or little hair they have but I personally think you should not assume you will lose all your hair and hold off on shaving until if and when your hair loss becomes noticable.
p.s. I have decided to hold onto the hair that I have left, although it's not much and hope for cosmetically acceptable regrowth, in the meantime I wear lace and monotop wigs clipped onto my "bio-hair"

Comment by Alexandra on July 5, 2009 at 10:40am

Dominique,
I understand what you're saying, but it is becoming less and less attractive as the days go on. I can see clear through to my scalp on top and the hair itself if beginning to look really thin, frizzy, and pyramid-like. That one picture I posted of me with my natural hair is no longer accurate of how my hair looks (I should probably take it down). It's now much more limp and stringy and just a royal pain in the neck to try to fix in the mornings. I feel like a wig is a better alternative for me than my own hair.

Aimee,
Wow, that's an interesting perspective from your husband! Hmm, I like that! =)

Comment by Karen Grevious on July 5, 2009 at 12:29pm

I agree with 'tell him now before you become too emotionally invested.'

Comment by Jill on July 5, 2009 at 6:27pm

I like friend #2's response too and seems to be what you're leaning towards from what I read in your blog. If it will make you feel better to get it off your chest sooner than later than do it. And it doesn't have to be some kind of super serious conversation either if that may be uncomfortable since you guys aren't serious yet. You can message me, if you are interested or you think it will help, I could tell you how some of these kind of conversations went for me. I haven't had any negative experiences regarding people I was dating.

Comment by Pamela Rosse on July 5, 2009 at 10:17pm

I just finished reading Leslie Ann Butler's wonderful book, "If Your Hair Falls Out, Keep Dancing" this exact question is in chapter 6 & she along with fellow alopecia sisters covered it & bedroom issues beautifully.
You are right some men may run while others will be more accepting. Remember a guy needs to be Alexandra worthy, if they can't except it their loss. When to tell, when your ready & comfortable. Alopecia does indeed separate the men from the boys. My husband & I have truly been through for better or for worse. He tells me I'm beautiful with our without my wig, he still loves me. I feel very lucky, I know sadly some sisters husbands have left, because they could not handle it. As Leslie said in her book "Go ahead, & tell him in your own sweet way." She also notes a common reaction is to pull away at first & that a bit of apprehension is normal. " Give him some time to process the information" once you tell him. We have all undergone that hurt of being dumped,as Leslie said " you don't have to be physically perfect to have a happy relationship". Again if a guy rejects you because of alopecia, well as Leslie says "who wants the guy anyway?" I agree. If you have not read Leslie's book I suggest getting it. She covers this & more. Good luck & remember tell when your ready & if he is Alexandra worthy. Take Care.

Comment by Lee on July 6, 2009 at 2:26am

I like mom, and friend #1's response. ( As you can see...everyone is different). I don't think it's something you need to disclose untill he really needs to know....but it's really up to you. For me, it has always worked to wait a few dates. I havent had a bad experience yet. good luck

Comment by Trixie on July 6, 2009 at 12:49pm

I have been wondering this same thing. I just started dating this guy we flirt a lot and we have been kind of touchy. I wear a wig most of the time because my hair is thin on the top, I have 3 half dollar sized bald patches and when I natural I leave a trail of hair strands. I have only told a small handful of my friends about my hairloss and I really dont know how to tell a guy that I have just met. I dont date a lot and Im worried that hes going to run away as soon as i tell him. I know that I should bite the bullet and tell him before I become too emotionally attached, but its just very hard to know when and how to tell him.

Comment by Tallgirl on July 6, 2009 at 1:05pm

When you get older and dates are fewer, you tend to look back on past dates and wonder if time was spent wisely. If you want to GO places or have events paid for, do not tell. Using works 2 ways. If you are a kind, serious soul who wants love, tell upfront or after three dates to see if he will find excuses to leave or will stick around. If he finds the excuses, then you won't have wasted much time and can move your heart onwards. If you do not want someone to say you used HIM to get events paid for because you are "desperate," then pay for your own dates and he can never accuse you of that...and he can't say that HE wasted his money (although, if he wants a Bambi, he can say your waiting to tell wasted his TIME). It is all in whether a man thinks he is paying for a prize of his making/social group/male relatives' opinions/mother's or his fears about heredity of AA, or if he really is an accepting man who sees past mistakes of nature. You need to know which he is before YOU fall in love or waste YOUR time! Or...isn't time well spent if one learns a lesson, be it hurtful or not?

Comment by rj, Co-founder on July 6, 2009 at 2:02pm

There has been quite a bit of discussion of this in Alopecia World (see, for example, this forum discussion). I agree with Best Friend 2, which is the very approach my alopecic and adorable wife, Cheryl, took when we met on MySpace a couple of years ago. The sooner such things are divulged and dealt with, the better, I think.

Comment by rj, Co-founder on July 6, 2009 at 3:57pm

I should clarify that I advocate getting everyone's, not just alopecians', so-called skeletons out in the open much sooner rather than later -- i.e., before things get too serious or anyone becomes too emotionally involved. Of course, this certainly isn't an approach to dating that's advocated or taken by most people, but for the daring few that do, it sure spares them a lot of needless disappointments, pain and sorrow. Besides, as I've said on countless occasions, you must be who you are before anyone can truly accept or love you for who are you.

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