Okay, on Laura's discussion "Is it time to shave?", Mary said this:
"I finally realized that I had a choice between suffering physically (being miserable and hot) or suffering emotionally/mentally (people staring, not able to be anonymous)."
I immediately keyed in on "suffering emotionally/mentally (people staring, not able to be anonymous)" because I was having this EXACT argument with myself last week. (Yes, I do argue with myself. I've been told that as long as I don't answer myself, that I'm not crazy.)
What started this argument with myself? Well, I finally received the wig I ordered online. I only ordered it because I feel that shaving may be imminent and I wanted to be prepared for that eventuality. So I told myself, what would it hurt to start practicing. Seemed like a good idea.
Well, I receive it and it's cute, nice color, nice style. It doesn't really fit so well since my unprocessed hair is rather puffy, but I figure once it's trimmed/shaved, the wig will fit much nicer and I would feel much better about the entire matter. This is what I've been telling myself, sooooo why am I not believing it?
I just felt so weird when I had it on. Not at all like me. I felt so . . . conspicuous.
So how do I pull this off without feeling like the pink elephant in the middle of the room? Is that even possible? It feels as if sticking out like a sore thumb has been the story of my life: lazy eye in 1st grade, first kid with a bra in the 4th grade, only Black kid/person in the room/class/office, only female in the electronics lab, only female in the free weight section of the gym, etc., etc. It seems I've been sticking out like a sore thumb and getting stared at since I arrived on this planet. (Why yes, I do have a tin-foil hat!. Why do you ask? Bwahahahaaaa)
Okay, it's been established that I'm going to stick out in some form or fashion, be it real or imagined. So what difference does it make if I'm being stared at because I'm bald or because the "hair" on my head feels like it belongs on a completely different person, or Barbie as the case may be? And as Mary summed up perfectly, why should I even have to care? Why am I getting stressed over this? Being stared at is not new.
Hey, I'm a mid-forties, single, nerd with a woefully underfunded retirement fund. That's plenty of drama without getting my hair involved.