Comment by LilyBell*Murphy'sLawLuvsMe on September 24, 2012 at 3:30pm

I think some times people who know you don't say anything because they just don't know what to say. I have seen people do this when they find out someone has passed. It is like they want to say something but have no idea what to say so they just say nothing.

Comment by wise1 on September 24, 2012 at 5:52pm

Hugs to you. Have you thought of confiding in your close friends? I think LilyBell is right that people want to broach the subject but what do they say? They might want to be supportive but how?

Comment by You can do it : ) on September 24, 2012 at 10:22pm

I agree with LilyBell and Wise1, I think you should get together with your close friends one night and give them a heads up about your situation. Don't make yourself feel guilty cause you have had this for so long and still get upset about it. I have had aa for the past 14 years and still have my down moods with it. Try not to let it get the best of you.
Good Luck

Comment by Alliegator on September 25, 2012 at 11:47am

I agree, I think they don't say anything, because they don't know what to say. They might worry that it will come out wrong, or they don't want to upset you. They may not know the way that you need support. I think the more that you wear wigs, the more comfortable you will get with it. I am having the "what are you looking at" issue now with being bald in public. I've had kids down right stare at me. I've badly wanted to say to them "what", but I know that they are just kids. They can't help it. However, I wish more parents would teach their kids not to stare when they see something different. Maybe talk to one of your friends about it, then another day, talk to a different one. The more you talk, the more it helps. It helped me a lot!

Comment by Casey on September 25, 2012 at 2:13pm

Since you are with people you know, maybe you should broach the subject yourself? Just say "hey guys, you may notice my hair is different and that is because I am wearing a wig. I have a bit of hair loss that makes me uncomfortable without the hairpiece". They will probably ask some questions, but most people are just more curious than mean. I find a lot of people reply with "Oh! my friend/cousin/sister had/has that too!", which always surprises me.

I find kids are worse for staring in public. Adults usually are compassionate and accepting.

Comment by Jasmine Harrell on September 25, 2012 at 3:23pm

I guess talking more would help. It's like AA is my little secret that I have kept since I was 12 years old. Now at almost 29, I am more comfortable with a hairdresser and providing them with education on my hair and the care of it. It's like a sense of shame. Growing up that's what it was for me and I think that the shame has stayed with me.

Comment by claudiaclaude on September 27, 2012 at 4:28pm

Hi Jasmine: I really feel for you and I understand what you are going through. I think in the African American community, there has always been an added element of "is it her hair or isn't it?" and a lot of judgement and scrutiny around wigs and weaves. I have felt this very acutely as someone who always had a lot of hair before my alopecia intensified. All that said, I think there's a lot more acceptance and openness now than there used to be. You diffuse the situation and take control by telling your close friends what is happening. I have told all my friends and people I trust and it's made the situation a lot easier.

Comment by Cheryl, Co-founder on September 27, 2012 at 9:00pm

I also think that it is the fact that you didn't bring it up, so they may have thought it was off limits. I know when I am in public and I see someone else with alopecia, I gauge their reaction to my baldness. If they look like they don't want me to bring it up, I will respect their privacy. If they give me eye contact and a way in, I will introduce myself and discuss it. More than likely, they may not of wanted to put you on the spot or upset you. So they left it up to you to decide if you wanted to talk about it. Maybe it is time you had "the alopecia" conversation with your close friends and hopefully this will bring you all closer together and allow you to talk about deeper issues or atleast take the stress of you.

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