Alopecia World
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Will I have alopecian babies?
It has been a while since I have been on the site. The holidays and school took me away for a while but things have settled down again and I intend to do a lot more posts on Alopecia World in the coming months.
I have much news to share, where shall I start. . . .
It was a wonderful holiday season for me, one of the best in years. I had a house full of people for about two weeks straight and I loved every moment of it. Anyone that knows me knows that I love the holidays (Thanksgiving being my favorite) and Christmas a close second. The last few years have been very rough because I have not realized my goals of having children. This year I just focused on family and have a great time together and we did!
My question in this post is: do you ever/have you ever worried about passing on your alopecia genetics to your children?
Honestly, I had never thought about it myself until a few weeks ago when someone posed the question to me. I was sitting (at the dentist office) and praising a new mother, who was happy to share pics from her phone of her new baby. She asked me if I had any children and I responded, "no, but I plan to very soon." Then she asked me if they would be bald too?
**Allow me to give you a little bit of back story. Briefly before she whipped out her phone to show me the pics she had complimented my bald head and asked THE question. So I had shared with her that I had alopecia.**
Initially, I was a bit offended and taken aback by her question. I got a huge lump in my throat like I do when I feel someone has cornered me into a lie or worse, I am about to tell someone the raw truth about something that I know will hurt their feelings.
I took a second to respond; looked at her and realized she meant no malice when she asked. She just lacked sensitivity to realize it wasn't an appropriate question given our 5 minute relationship.
I said to her, "I don't think so, but I suppose it is possible." At that moment I realized I had never considered it. And while I am more than accepting of my baldness I do still dream of myself with hair. Would my children turn out to be lovely little alopecians babies?
She made one more comment that struck a nerve and I was forced to let her have it! She added that she would be so worried about passing on to her kids that she wouldn't have children at all.
This pissed me off; and maybe I was feeling a little extra sensitive but I am entitled to that, right?
So I asked her how she could sleep at night without knowing if she had passed on her IQ to her kid?
She instantly realized how she had made me feel and if I must say so myself, I did a great job returning the favor.
I must admit that the conversation planted a seed in my mind that has sprouted a new insecurity about my little unborn bundles of joy. I don't know if my children will have to deal with alopecia. I am the only one on either side of my family for at least 2 generations that has had it.
But if I do, meaning if my children do have alopecia I know I am the best mommy in the world to raise them as strong, confident, self-loving little people.
What do you think?
Kristie Nicolette Howard
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Comment by GardenJess on January 19, 2016 at 2:28pm
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I think I am glad I wasn't trying to have a conversation with you. :) I didn't lose much of my hair until after I had kids, so it wasn't a concern for me at the outset. I am concerned about passing on a susceptibility to autoimmune diseases. It sure would be nice to know what is triggering autoimmunity, and to know how to avoid it. I'm sure I would feel a good measure of guilt and unworthiness if my children starting losing hair or pigment or worse, but that is obviously not a healthy frame of mind to be in. Maybe it is selfish of me, but if my daughter were to lose her hair and be forced to get by on her intellect, her personality, and an inner knowledge that she is beautiful no matter what standards the outside world would like to have her buy into, well, I think that could help her grow into an awesome human being.
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I can't believe the nerve that woman had in speaking to you that way! Her words are implying that it's better to have never been born than to be bald! What a bunch of baloney! And here's the thing, alopecia is not life threatening. Yes, it sucks but it doesn't kill us. We all have things in our family history, heart issues, strokes, blood clots, cancer, ect but just because the stuff is in our history doesn't mean it's passed on to everyone. Did your mother have alopecia? I am the only one in my entire extended family to have alopecia. I sometimes worry my kids will get it too but if they do, they will have a mama who understands. Just because we have issues, doesn't mean we will pass them onto our kids. I wouldn't give it another thought! Hugs from Seattle!
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Comment by Kristie "IronDoll" Howard on January 19, 2016 at 6:29pm
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Thanks for your comments GardenJess and Katniss! Clearly some people are SERIOUS about hair, she is hopelessly shallow.
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Comment by Brie on January 26, 2016 at 8:50pm
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You are AWESOME! You handle her comments so well and I know i could not have asked that. From what I have researched and been told there is no answer to weather Alopecia (of any type) can be passed down. Hopefully by the time that our children have to worry about it there will be a cure and maybe even ways to prevent it :)
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there were some tests u could do that I read about in the 90's. but they are uncomfortable and I don't think many people nor children would want to undergo these muscle puncture tests
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Comment by Jen on February 22, 2016 at 1:36pm
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I shared your post with my husband and he had some good insight - "I really feel like the only people who say anything to you are seriously lacking something in their own lives and, whether they intend their questioning in a malicious way or not, the questions almost always end up circling back to their own curiosities and insecurities and have nothing to do with you. I wish there was a way to politely end the conversation before you get to the conclusion above." I have been and will continue politely shifting the conversation to the person asking the intimate questions, by asking them SUPER personal questions. If they think I have cancer and they really want to talk about their own cancer experience I ask them ALL ABOUT IT, what type, what treatments etc. I find most people really want to talk about themselves. I wouldn't have been able to say the IQ thing but I'M SO GLAD YOU DID!!!! If this person did have any empathy or manners, she wouldn't be so rude to ask a stranger about it at all.
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And to answer the question of your post- It is often hereditary. I am the third generation of women to have it in my family. My grandmother very mildly, only upon injury to the scalp, my mother a little more so with random AA, and me AU.
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The ignorance and lack of compassion in some people leaves me baffled at times. To answer your question, yes, I'd be aware and concerned that my children could potentially have Alopecia, but that would NEVER make me question having my own children. I'd rather not have Alopecia myself & would never want my children to suffer from it. However, no person ever born has been physically perfect. Everyone passes on strengths as well as weaknesses to their children whether it be a condition like Alopecia or any other potential health problem. We're all perfectly imperfect and those imperfections make us unique and give us the ability to empathize with other people's struggles. Your children will be beautiful whether they have a full head of hair or they're bald. What they won't be is perfect. None of us are!
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Hello everyone. That question was very insensitive. I have had alopecia since I was 9 and I lost all of my hair but after puberty it grew back. I still have a bald spot in the back of my head but that doesn't bother me. I have worked boys and I did pass alopecia on to my youngest son, which was my worst nightmare. He is very strong and I pray we can control it through diet (anti inflammatory). I have done a lot of research on the disease and I will continue to try everything I can to protect him from mean people. If I had to do it again I would have children. We are beautiful people with or without hair....
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Comment by Shannon on June 11, 2016 at 1:56am
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Hello! I'm glad your asked this question. I have actually met several people with alopecia who say they don't want to have children because they don't want to pass it to them. I think that is a very sad reason to choose whether or not you have a family. My father is AT and he and my mother had 11 children. I am the only one with alopecia. Of course it is possible that one of my siblings might manifest it later, but the youngest is 37 and so far no signs of it from the other 10 children. And I can say that my father did feel terribly that i had inherited his autoimmune issues, but he certainly didn't wish I'd never been born. On the contrary, he and I have a very special relationship. I would happily inherit alopecia 100 times over again if I could guarantee having him as my father. A better man doesn't exist. Anyway...I have 4 biological children myself (and one adopted). They range in age from 5 to 14. So far none of them have exhibited any signs of alopecia. And I hope and pray they never do. But that is because it is hard for parents to see their children go thru any hardship. It is also hard to see them fall and scrape their knees when they're learning to run. And I would like to spare them broken hearts and hurt feelings and rejection and sorrow. But that is part of life and makes us stronger... Especially if we have loving and strong parents to help to guide us along on our life's journey. I personally find it offensive that somebody would tell me that I should consider not having children. But to each his own. Best of luck to you! PS I have 4 friends with alopecia and so far none of their children have showed signs of it.
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