Alopecia World
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Called out again....
So... I might be more of one of the "anxioius" alopecians out there...
But I really have come to dislike meeting new people because 50% of the time, they abruptly say something about my "hair" and comment how thick it is or how shiny it is or that it's "too perfect." This is their way of opening the lines of communication that this is not hair that is attached to me, it's my wig.
I hate this part of meeting new people. I know they are trying to be polite about it-- and it's better than the folks that just blurt out "what's up with the wig." But still... I really don't want it to always be the topic of conversation! I just want to be able to go out, meet people, and not worry about them noticing my wig.
Am I being too sensitive about this? I'm ALWAYS polite about, and I always put on a smile when I admit it's wig, and that I have AA.... but sometimes, I just don't want to talk about it. I just dread the moment where I see their eyes drift from my face to my "hair line." I can spot it a mile away.
Maybe I'm having a bad week... maybe I'm just crabby.... but really. Today it was really embarrassing. I was in a room full of new people, and she just blurted out that comment about my "hair." AND EVERYONE just stopped and looked at me... I could just feel my face turn completely red.
90% of the time, I don't even think about my alopecia, but lately it's been hard. My friends have been wanting to do these overnights, and girls weekends. I have only been without my wig in front of my husband and my 20 month old son. My parents have seen me with a bandana on. I find myself finding excuses at the last minute to not go. I know deep down, it's because I'm not ready to expose myself in front of new people.
I don't like isolating myself like this... I find myself wondering how people deal with these situations.
Now I'm just going on and on... have a good night everyone.
Frusterated and insecure,
Rachel
But I really have come to dislike meeting new people because 50% of the time, they abruptly say something about my "hair" and comment how thick it is or how shiny it is or that it's "too perfect." This is their way of opening the lines of communication that this is not hair that is attached to me, it's my wig.
I hate this part of meeting new people. I know they are trying to be polite about it-- and it's better than the folks that just blurt out "what's up with the wig." But still... I really don't want it to always be the topic of conversation! I just want to be able to go out, meet people, and not worry about them noticing my wig.
Am I being too sensitive about this? I'm ALWAYS polite about, and I always put on a smile when I admit it's wig, and that I have AA.... but sometimes, I just don't want to talk about it. I just dread the moment where I see their eyes drift from my face to my "hair line." I can spot it a mile away.
Maybe I'm having a bad week... maybe I'm just crabby.... but really. Today it was really embarrassing. I was in a room full of new people, and she just blurted out that comment about my "hair." AND EVERYONE just stopped and looked at me... I could just feel my face turn completely red.
90% of the time, I don't even think about my alopecia, but lately it's been hard. My friends have been wanting to do these overnights, and girls weekends. I have only been without my wig in front of my husband and my 20 month old son. My parents have seen me with a bandana on. I find myself finding excuses at the last minute to not go. I know deep down, it's because I'm not ready to expose myself in front of new people.
I don't like isolating myself like this... I find myself wondering how people deal with these situations.
Now I'm just going on and on... have a good night everyone.
Frusterated and insecure,
Rachel
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by spaganya on
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yeah props to you for being able to do that, but its not an option for me. I think of a wig just as what it is for me, a prosthetic - just like someone who lost a leg or arm, it makes my life easier, and while no its not "my" hair, its as close as what i can get to looking like i did before all this happened to me. And going bald for females in my profession doesn't really work either. while people will say they accept it and don't judge, they all do.
like i said before, there are certain people i know that definately dont judge me based on my hair (or lack thereof) but the world we live in isnt as forgiving. been there done that and im sticking with the wig! lol
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Permalink Reply by Amanda Reitmeier on
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I can relate completely! Hang in there! Like I think many here have said, we do not always need to automatically give out all the details just because someone notices and is curious! We can just smile and say "thanks for the compliment" or something and move on. If they ask further questions, its up to us if we're comfortable answering or not. If not, we should feel free to just change the subject or say sorry but there's not time to talk about that right now, something like that. Take care and know that you're not alone!
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Permalink Reply by Mary on
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The National Bald Out is July 19. Sieze the moment. I'm the same person I used to be, just hairless.
Mary
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Permalink Reply by Marie on
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Hi! I just saw this post, and I thought I'd throw in my too cents worth:
Dealing with Alopecia is approached differently by everyone. As you can see from my profile and pics, I am totally a wig person.
I wear wigs and am totally comfortable with them. Being a person who attends closely to her appearance and wardrobe, Alopecia was tdevastating to my self-esteem and self-image (as it is for EVERYONE). But I got into them and incorporated them into my look. Now, I really don't think of them as replacements for my natural hair or something I'm trying to hide from people. My attitude towards wigs is that they are lots of fun once you put them in the same category as purses, scarfs, stunning dresses, pumps, leather jackets, make-up, earings, and other accessories. I often say that I don't care if they look "real" as long as they look "good"!! And most of the time I think I achieve that goal. I think anyone can look good in wigs if they find one that fits their face, makes sure it is of quality materials and construction, gets it customized customized, and becomes comfortable and competent in using stying products. These day there are even heated styling tools that are safe for synthetic hair.
Even when people know I wear wigs, they don't seem to make an issue of it. I am quite outgoing and fairly eccentric/artsy, so I think people expect the usual from me. They figure that it is just another form of self-expression. Lot's of time I get complements on my hair -- or my wigs if people know I have Alopecia -- and I just say, "Thank you". Sometimes, however, when people complement my hair I'm anxious to tell them about Alopecia. I think it's part of my responsibility to educate society, and people are usually very interested to find out about this unique condition. When I am confident and enthusiastic about sharing my story, no one is uncomfortable and it is a great conversation starter. Recently, someone who has known for a long time that I wear wigs said, "I love the highlights in your hair. Who is your colorist?" I looked at her like she was crazy, and said, "Toasted Brown B/23!" She said, "Oops, I forgot!" I too forget that I wear a wigs. When I'm wearing a wig, I think no more about it than the lingerie I'm wearing.
Maybe that helps, maybe not. But the most important thing is to face Alopecia, accept it, and find your true beauty in it.
Marie
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Permalink Reply by Christina Argott on
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HI Rachel,
I am new to this site and have had AA since September of 2009. I recently starting wearing wigs and when someone mentions "hey your hair looks different, is it darker?" i say "yes it is". I am not lying to them, but i also don't owe them an explaination.
as for going out in public or telling new people about it...I havent done the sleepovers, i am open about it with my family, closest friends and my boyfriend, and some people at work. I am open and have a lot of support. I don't tell just anyone about it, well, frankly, it is none of their business, and it is almost like my secret.I once had someone ask me if I was "sick" and i said "nope, i am healthy as a horse." smiled and went about my business. I didn't lie, i am healthy. This cannot kill me. It's a disorder. I feel this making me mentally and physically stronger. I am planning on shaving my head come April 1st. I have lost 75% of my hair...and losing more daily. I have come to terms with it, and accept it. I will do the sleepovers...I am actually going to Vegas for my best friends bachelorette and there will be 10 girls there, and I am not going to hide it. If they have questions, they can ask. If they are going to talk about me, so be it. I know they aren't MY friends, and I wouldn't want them as my friends if all they are going to do is talk about me.
I know it is so easy for people to say "don't be insecure". no matter what anyone says, you will be. It is up to you to decided when you are going to accept it. It might take a week, it might take 6 months, but the day will come and you will realize, I am beautiful and I can get through this." You will get through this...
I am so happy you shared your thoughts, as I feel the same way. I will keep you updated. Stay strong...
Christina
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