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Can't do this anymore
I got up this morning, got a shower and tried to style my hair like have have done my whole life, only to end up in tears when I tried to blow dry what is left of my pathetically thin hair. I finally gave up trying to style basically nothing, and plopped on my topper to hide the stringy mess. I just don't know how I am going to face the rest of my life with this condition. It seems like there are no treatments that work and very few success stories once AA had reached an advanced state. I just feel like crawling under a rock and disappearing. Sorry for being so depressing, I just feel so blue today.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Tallgirl on
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Yeah...the mess AA leaves on the head certainly ain't what we have gotten to know about ourselves, especially if we rarely changed styles or colors in the past. Maybe the older gals who LIVE in the beauty shop or try out rock star cuts every month can deal with change better! But when I think about old ladies with their thin, white hair looking nothing like their high school graduation photos, I have to accept that all of us WILL change, in time. AA just forces decisions and changes faster. The only remedy I have found for myself is to get wigs on PURPOSE that look different from my once-natural hair, to MAKE me have fun, shock my friends, and accept change. By the way...I sometimes cut off my now-white tufts, but I also sometimes leave them so when I look in the mirror, I can pretend I have peroxide blond rock-star hair at age 59!
You CAN do this...but only you can think up the mental trick that works best for you daily. I just gave you my tricks for myself. Maybe I'll "friend" you so you can see my reincarnations!
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Permalink Reply by Starshine on
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Hi Tallgirl. I really needed a laugh today as well as a friend. Your photos are beautiful. I love your attitude, and it is encouraging to see that you have not let AA interfere with your life. I hope I will feel the same someday. How long have you had AA?
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Hi Starshine,
Hang in there. It takes time to redefine yourself - especially when you have no control over the changes in your body. Try to be kind to yourself. I recently bought a journal. I am planning to use it as a hair journal: to write about how I feel, information I come across, stick in photos of real hair and wigs I like, keep track of doctors I see and tests I have. Maybe this idea will help you feel a bit more in control, too? Is there a movie or book you love? Buy it or rent it. Let yourself cry and laugh. It is OK to have a blue day - or even a few. I share and understand your feelings.
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Thanks dmf. T he journal is a good idea. This is so hard and frustrating. If I am going to lose all my hair, I just wish I knew instead of the uncertainty. Going to the derm tomorrow, will let you know what happens.
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Permalink Reply by Alliegator on
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Hugs! I know what you mean. You are not alone! I use the "no plop & go" or "plop & go" method. I felt the same way at one time. One thing that helped me was giving myself a buzz cut. I shave my head now. When you do that, it sort of feels like you are taking control of the hair loss. You get a sense of liberation. I love the feeling of a shaved head. I go bald a lot, but I also love wigs. I like to wear hats & scarves as well. I have AGA, and unfortunately, mine is permanent. Just take it one day at a time, and take baby steps. It will get better!
This is my blog:
http://lifeasabaldgirl.wordpress.com/
(You might like and relate to the item that I posted yesterday)
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Hi Alliegator. I am so glad you are here, you always say the right things. I think I was just having a really bad day yesterday. I have thought about shaving the mess off, but I have spent so much money on toppers, I am trying to hold on to my hair for as long as I can so I can get some wear out of them. I do agree, it would be nice to not to have to see it and stress over it all the time. Did you ever try Rogaine for your AGA? I know it does not work for everyone. What post did you make yesterday?
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Hi,
Awe, thank you! I speak from the heart, but sometimes I do put my foot in my mouth. :) Ya, I have those days too. I think I held out on my hair for as long as I could as well. Nothing wrong with that at all. Yes, I think not seeing my hair falling out really helped me. But you need to be ready to cut it off, and you will know when you are ready. Yes, I used Rogaine for about 8-9 years. I would suggest it! Not everyone likes it, but I think it helped my hair loss. I didn't always grow new hair, but it helped me to maintain the hair that I had at the time. However, I'm not sure if it works for those with AA. I can't remember what I posted. Lol. Ohhhh... it was a graphic from BGDL about women with AA. It was just a good reminder that you are not alone with what you are feeling.
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Permalink Reply by Christine on
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Starshine,
I think most of us have been there, like Tallgirl, I have made a decision to shave what's left and move on, I have just five more days left with my bio hair, I had told myself along time ago (been dealing with this for ten years)that I would take control shave my head and get a prosthetic type of hair replacement, when it got to the point where I could no longer feel like I was hiding it. That being said I've spend almost everyday
since second guessing myself, I feel better when I wash my hair and see all the hairs falling out, and then look at what's left, with only the stark white ones left on about
40% of my head, looking at the big spots that are coming in stark white, knowing I can't
color them, just makes me feel better. It's funny how these same things would make me
feel helpless, hopeless, and really depressed, there is nothing worse than feeling like
you have no control, it's true that AA plays by it's own rules, but each of us have the
right to chose how we deal with this. I admit I'm afraid of the unknown right now, not
knowing how my hair piece will look on me, but at least I'm doing what I want with it.
There are no "right" way, I'm so sorry your feeling this way, and hope you will go
looking at some solutions for yourself, and feel good about them! I'm down right now too,
thank God for this site!! No one knows what this is really like but us. Stupid hair!
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Hi Christine. Thanks so much for your heartfelt words. I know how hard the decision to shave your hair must be. I have actually thought about it and I have only had this for 9 months. I can't imagine trying to fight this for 10 years. Has your hair just been really thinning all this time? Mine too has been gradually thinning, but I do have some hair, just not enough to feel comfortable going out in public with and I have only had this condition for a short time so I'm guessing it is far from done. That is what is so hard with having some hair, do you keep trying to fight with what is left of it or like you, take control, shave it and be done with it so you can get a beautiful hair piece and get on with life. After 10 years, I think you are making the right decision. One question, why can't you color the white hair coming in? I do still color my hair, even the sparse, white regrowth. It does not take as well, but it does cover for a little while. It is so nice to not feel so alone. You are right, no one could ever understand all of the emotions involved unless you have gone through this. Even family does not really get how emotionally devastating it is and the agonizing decisions that are involved. Stay strong, I think you are doing the right thing for you. I may make the same decision sooner than later.
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Permalink Reply by Rose on
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Hi Starshine, gotta tell you my heart goes out for you. I will never forget how traumatic losing clumps of hair in the shower was for me. I always wanted to make some kind of art work on the shower wall with my hair there was so much of it. like that one picture the scream. it was truely horrifying for me, then one day I decided to stop letting it control me. So I shaved my head and it was so freeing. I embraced my new bald/sexy look and all that emotional weight lifted. You will find your way through this. It really can be cathartic if you are up for that. I go bald at home and wear a wig for work. Hang in there, you are in the hardest part right now. It definitly gets easier.
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