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Coming Out!
I am 54 and feel that if only I were 20 years younger, I wouldn't bother with covering up my baldness. I would love to have the guts to go out bald, but at my age, can't bring myself to do it. I'm thinking about going bald when I go to Jamaica in February next year (lots of sunscreen of course and a sunhat!) because it would be so nice to enjoy the warm breeze on my head. I get annoyed with myself because I still can't quite bring myself to go bald even in front of very close family and friends. The only person who actually sees me like that is my husband, and even with him I have a tendency to keep a turban, scarf or ball cap on!
I've had AU for over ten years now and I'm really getting sick of covering up all the time. I'm having hot flashes too, which makes things even worse. Any thoughts/comments/tips???????
I've had AU for over ten years now and I'm really getting sick of covering up all the time. I'm having hot flashes too, which makes things even worse. Any thoughts/comments/tips???????
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Libby on
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Julia,
It took me years to get comfortable with my alopecia. One morning I woke up and was getting ready for work. I looked at my wig and said "I really hate you....I'm not going to wear you today." Life is too short to be miserable. I have worn pretty head scarves since. At first I was very self concious but now I don't even notice. Sometimes a person will come to a point when they say "enough is enough." For me I came to that point and I have never looked back.
Take care,
Libby
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Permalink Reply by Julia McDowell on
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Last night I dreamed that I was wigless in a department store, so I think this is really playing on my mind right now. I have this weird urge to let everyone know that I'm bald! I'm not an attention seeking person at all, so I really don't understand where this is coming from. I think it might be that I am moving out of my comfort zone in so many other areas of my life - I just started my own business, joined Toastmasters, gave my first presentation to a group of 100 people - and I think maybe I just want to be 'me'. Plain and simple. The only trouble is - winter is coming and Ottawa isn't the place to be going around hatless or wigless in winter!!!
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Permalink Reply by Carol Wilson on
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Hi Julia,
I also live in northern Ontario (west of Sudbury) and am almost 60. I have been AU for 3 years. I always wear a wig when I go outside and scarves in the house. I don't like my husband to see my bald head and at times I will not look in the mirror until my wig is on. So you can see I am a million miles away from being able to be bald in public and my self esteme is low. I live in a very small rural community and I am certain I would not be accepted if I went without my wig.
People who do not fit in are stared at and gossiped about in our society. All we need to do is watch TV for an hour to know how high a value society puts on perfect hair, skin and looks. It takes a very strong and self assured person to not care what other people think and go bald. However wearing a wig is still you. Everytime someone with a full head of hair has it cut, styled or coloured they are presenting an image to the world that is not necessarily any more real than wearing a wig that suits you and is as much a part of your daily grooming as their shampooing, blowdrying and styling is to them. .
To combat hot flashes, which I get at night, I keep a wet washcloth on a plate by the bed. It helps tremendously if you pat it on your head, neck and even the small of the back.
Good luck on your decision.
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Thank you, Carol. I will definitely try the wash cloth trick - I'm sure that will help! You're right about the point you make about presenting an image - having hair perfectly styled is just as contrived as wearing a wig.
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Permalink Reply by Cal on
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I agree that there often comes a time and/or a situation when it feels right. Mine came very quickly, but I'm 31, live somewhere where it's fine to be different and am quite happy being stared at (I was a goth for years, it comes with the territory). It sounds like you're coming into yourself, which is brilliant and if part of that self is accepting your baldness and embracing it, then more power to you.
The Jamaica plan sounds fab - warmth and sunshine, plus the anonymity aspect. Strangers seeing me bald was less scary than people who knew me with hair for the first time. The shock element is much reduced, I think, when people's first impression is simply that you are bald.
Do you think your close friends and family would be upset by seeing you bald? If you're feeling like now is the time to maybe try being more out with it, try it for small periods with people you trust. My experience is that they very quickly get used to it and it stops being a big deal.
England isn't a brilliant place to be hatless at this time of year either, to be honest! I wear hats the same as I did when I had hair - when I'm cold. So I wear them outdoors and take them off when I arrive wherever I'm going. Indoors it's rarely a problem and outdoors, yeah, it sometimes feels like hiding but heck, it's just too chilly to make a statement that way!
Good luck and all the best - keep us posted on what you decide and how it goes. I'll be thinking of you.
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Thank you, Cal. I will try being bald with close family first............. one of my sisters-in-law lost all her hair to chemo and she couldn't abide having to wear a wig! She would come in, pull it off and throw it into a corner till she was ready to go home. Nobody batted an eyelid, but I'm less comfortable because I'm an 'in-law' rather than a family member from day one. All my family are in England.
Today I went to a business meeting in a nice scarf which matched my outfit, complete with dangly earrings and make-up. I felt quite chic and sophisticated, and didn't have to worry about the wind blowing the wig around, or the hot flashes! Baby steps..............
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Permalink Reply by Sue Helaine on
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Hi Julia, I am 56 and hot flashing like crazy! Alopecia for me gets tougher and tougher as I age because of the whole menapausal factor. I thought for sure it would get easier as I got older/wiser, but in fact for me, it's harder still. It sounds like you are coming to a point in your life (with you dreams etc) that you are entering a period of acceptance. That will surely be freeing! I'm so tired of all my worries & fears :(
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So, thanks to all the encouragement from everyone, I'm slowly getting there. Haven't worn the wig for two days straight, and am sitting around the house in the evening bald. Sometimes I get a bit cold, so the turban goes back on, but not for vain reasons!!!
I'm going to see if I can be brave enough to just wear a hat to go shopping this weekend, with nothing underneath it. I'll keep you posted!
Thank you all. This is a great place for support, encouragement and friendship from people who have faced the same trials and tribulations!
x
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Permalink Reply by Lisa Santer on
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Hi Julia. Good for you, exploring what feels right for you. I look forward to hearing what happens for you this weekend. Ironically, at 51 I feel like I'm too old a woman to bother covering up with a wig. I've had varying extents of baldness for 32 years (none to 1 spot to AU). I've also varied what I've done on my head. One way I found to have fun & break people into the idea that I was bald in a workplace where I thought I should wear a wig (emergency department) was to wear wigs in varying colors & lengths. Now, I like the variety & temperature control of scarves & hats as well as bare-headed. My friends & family now think photos of me with wigs or hair look odd.
It seems that my clean head often functions as a screen for projection. If I feel I look good & real, people are usually comfortable with my bare head. If they feel uncomfortable with themselves, then they see all sorts of things on my head. Most often it's that I'm getting chemo; occasionally I've been a skinhead or making a fashion statement or self-mutilating or an alien or a Buddhist monk in others' eyes. Frequently people think I look hot (not from hot flashes, either, lol); often "gutsy". Maybe once a week I get some comment, almost always friendly or positive tho often misguided. Even tho you can always tell I'm bald, comments are significantly less common if I have something on my head. So, if I really don't want to deal with others' "stuff", I put something on my head.
Swimming bareheaded feels great! I hope you take the chance to experience it (with water-resistant sunscreen).
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Thank you Lisa - I'll keep you posted. Interesting about the projection thing - I actually had the same experience once when my hair grew back snow white. It was short and I loved it, but some people made ignorant remarks, some were very complimentary - I guess it depends on where they were at that day.....
So I can understand the part about covering your head if you can't be bothered with dealing with other people's "stuff".
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LOL - you're right, Lois. We are ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS FIFTIES, SWEETIE DAHLING!!!!!! :)
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