Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Cheryl, Co-founder on January 11, 2014 at 12:31am

Hi Emmily,

I met my husband on myspace.com.  I have not worn wigs in years so my profile photo was a bald photo.  In my profile I explained that I was an alopecia support group leader and gave a brief description of what alopecia was.  So there was no surprise for my rj. 

What I can say is that there are men out there that do not mind. My husband rj was not out looking for a bald wife, he just happened to meet a woman that he like that happened to be bald.  All men and women have their preferences, some are more broad and flexible than others.  If a man has a strict view on what he likes and bald is definitely not one them, then yes, there may be a problem.  If finding a woman who shares is values and is going in the same direction as he is is his objection he may not care.

One thing I do want to emphasize,  I am not saying if looks don't matter to him.  Because I TRULY believe that a woman can be beautiful in a man's eyes with hair or without hair.  I know without a doubt that my husband thinks I am bald AND beautiful.  I am more asking if his idea of beauty is more flexible than society conventional idea of a beautiful woman. If his ideal is Halle Berry for only her exterior sake than very few women will be acceptable to him.

You may also want to take a look at the Men Who Don't Mind Group to get ideas on what kind of a man you are looking for as well as encouragement from men who don't mind:

http://www.alopeciaworld.com/group/menwhodontmind

As well as look at the responses to this awesome Bald & Breathtaking Survey:

http://www.alopeciaworld.com/forum/topics/the-beautiful-bald-breath...

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Permalink Reply by Amy Gibson on January 11, 2014 at 3:57pm

Dear Emmily

In my book. "Sex, Wigs and Whispers" which is about to be released, I cover this extensively as I feel it is one of the biggest challenges women have with living a normal life while dealing with hair loss and wearing a wig.  

To address your concerns;

 # 1

I will repeat what I told someone recently;

1. How you feel about your condition and how comfortable you are with it before sharing it with others makes all the difference in your success with this process.
2. If you’re not ready - don’t share it. Period. There are other ways of keeping him away from your hair. There are plenty of women who do not like men touching their hair and they are not bald or have Alopecia. They just rather it not be touched and they say it to a man factually without any anger or guilt.                     If he reaches for it, they simple say in a cute way - “Oh hey I just have a thing about my hair. You can touch me anywhere else, just not my hair. Thanks”   No apologies. Just stating their needs.  And they move on. They don't have a need to explain themselves ... to anyone,

  

c.How you present it. 

Men especially need time to process things a bit differently than women and we need to be conscious of that.  The way you present your information has everything to do with the way the other person receives it.  If you approach a man freaked out - he'll most likely respond in the same fashion.

Above all, I have felt it is most about the actual connection and the trust you feel is present with that person that matters most which I have found takes time. 

I have never had a time limit on it. I have always felt that the more you get to know someone, the more insight you receive about them, their level of depth, and the more in control you are to decide when, or if, you want to let them in. Most of all, the more in control you are to handle any situation that arises.

So don't be afraid to take your time and approach the situation slowly. There is no rush. Nothing works well when we come from a place of need. Desire is always good. Chemistry rocks!  However nothing is more of an aphrodisiac than confidence. That comes in time.

1. Some men are hair men. Plain and simple. It has nothing to with us personally. It is just their preference.      It doesn't make them bad or mean. These men are just not for us. Just as male baldness is an issue for some women.  That's why taking the time needed to check out the person is so important. If it is an issue, then NEWS FLASH    - - This guy is not the guy for you. MOVE ON!  LOTS MORE FISH IN THE SEA.

Women like you and I who have this condition have to dig a little deeper than most women to find out what makes us tick and make us special, aside from our external being. However I love that we have this deeper understanding about ourselves because that level of searching makes us more interesting. 

SO the man that deserves to have that - have you - must have that same sensitivity and level of depth about him. This is what I have always strived for in a man when I was dating.

This is what I found and the type of man I recently married.     

He is out there, Not all men are shallow. Many men are not.

We just have to find the patience to sit back and trust that he does exist and not come from fear that he nobody will want us etc. Those are stories we fall into at times.                                                                                                                      We need not to be afraid to ask the right questions to get a handle on his inner core and who he really is spiritually.  We are not handicapped. We are just as powerful as any other woman. It's all about what  you believe. After all, what you think is the reality you create. 

3. I don't know of any sites. Although I have been approached recently about starting one, 

4. Again if you take the time to know him first before allowing him into your private world, (and you need to decide if "he's worthy" to be allowed into your private space) you will be much more in control of the outcome.

 I hope this helps.

He is out there. All you need are the tools and your will be fine. Go for it!

Blessings,

Amy Gibson

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Permalink Reply by JacquelineMarie on January 13, 2014 at 12:37am

I always used dating websites to date so I always posted pictures of me in my wigs. If it ever got to the point where I was going to meet someone I would always tell them before we met, it made me feel better knowing they knew, I didn't want any unexpected awkwardness to start. I've been with my boyfriend now for 4 years next month. He was a bit nervous about it at first admittedly, but it has never bothered him and he had always supported me with our without hair.

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Permalink Reply by buddhaz on January 13, 2014 at 1:03am

i think the 3rd day rule is no good.. u get somebody all liking u for what they see n all, then on day 3 ur like check it out, im bald,, then its ruined if that person doesnt accept it...... I mean cmon, its not a perfect world, we are judged by our looks,,, get on a dating site, show ur bald head, and the replies u get will be from people that accept u.... and ladies, if ur bald, u should at least take care of urselfs and get fit and help urself out,, its more socially acceptable for men to be bald... Thats just my opinion,,, it sucks but I dont want to see woman go through being single and stressed out over it... expose it on day 1........ peace

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Permalink Reply by sabina on January 15, 2014 at 6:14pm

I personally believe most of bald women look better with wig. I am married for 7 years now so I have some experience. first of all, its better to start dating with a wig, then go on for a while to know each other better, if you two are really good matches and he(she) likes you personality so then you wig shouldn't be a problem. I you really like someone's personality and feel happy with him(her) so after knowing he(She) is wearing wig, wouldn't be a problem.

And if he(she) refused you after telling him(her) about your alopecia, so this person wouldn't be a lifetime trustworthy partner for you and you can happily break up.

As my experience, start dating, continue for a while, like 2 month or till you know each other well then tell him(her) about wig and other stuff give him sometime to think alone and answer if everything is OK for him or no.

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Permalink Reply by buddhaz on January 15, 2014 at 6:26pm

i respect that, but that could build up hopes for somebody , then when presented it could just crash somebody... i dunno. as a guy i would rather present myself bald then sit and worry about what ifs...

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Permalink Reply by Solange De Santis on January 17, 2014 at 10:15am

I have to agree with buddhaz. I got a professional photo taken to post on dating sites and just to use in my business, also. I post that I have an autoimmune condition, my health is fine and I'm happy with myself the way I am. Get it out there. No mystery.

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Permalink Reply by Muller021 on July 30, 2019 at 7:49am

Hey, man, alopecia for a man is not a problem, but for a woman yes... Personally, I have starting stage of alopecia and I don't even afraid of it :) I simply shaved my head bald and I became even more attractive :) Lol, dude, the main factor that girls love is confidence, that's why don't pay attention to your problem. Personally, I even tried dating at this dating site with Top hookup countries, and you know, there I am much more successful in dating than it was previously when I had hair ) So, at that dating site I even found a girlfriend and she loves me for who I am :)

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Permalink Reply by Jamalia Franko on February 12, 2021 at 7:30am

Where people can meet other than geeky dating sites. This is especially true for nerds, geeks and bookworms. They are more in need of acquaintances than others and are much more likely to register on dating sites, for example, on special for nerds, where there are many like-minded people.

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