I finally got the courage to tell my best friend about my FFA and that I might end up losing all my hair. I was absolutely devastated..she started laughing uncontrollably about the possibility of me being bald. I feel so betrayed. I didn't tell her how that made me feel and I don't want to lose her friendship but I don't have any idea of how to handle this. Advice and hugs would be appreciated.
that's pretty harsh and hurtful. If she is truly your best friend she did not mean this to hurt you I am sure. People have peculiar reactions sometimes because they just simply do not know how to respond. although this does not excuse her reaction. You definitely need to ask her what/why she laughed, what was she thinking. does she understand how devastating this is. Let her respond before you decide any action and let her know you are freaking out about the possibility of going bald, it is NO laughing matter. Although people with hair never understand the true devastation and will respond with it is only hair..like many things easier said.. but do talk to her
I am sorry to hear about this. Did she perhaps not realize that you were being serious? If she did, and then had that reaction, then sadly, that friendship might have to come to an end.
It's mot much fun, is it?
So, sending a hug, hoping it helps.
So sorry this happened to you. My first reaction was to write off this "friend" - I'm still not sure she deserves another chance. But, then I thought about how we all sometimes laugh out of nervousness when we are uncomfortable and don't know how to react. Then I remembered the classic Mary Tyler Moore Show episode "Chuckles Bites The Dust". You're probably too young to remember it, so here it is. Even if it's not exactly the same situation, it may give you a much needed laugh!
Chuckles the Clown is dead. He had dressed as the character Peter Peanut, and a rogue elephant tried to "shell" him during a parade. The unusual circumstances of Chuckles' death provoke a wave of jokes in the TV newsroom where Mary works. ("You know how hard it is to stop after just one peanut!" and, "He could've gone as Billy Banana and had a gorilla peel him to death"). Everyone is consumed with uncontrollable laughter, with the exception of Mary, who is appalled by her co-workers' apparent lack of respect for the dead.
But she's not prepared for what happens to her at the funeral:
This girl seems like a bitch. If one of my friends laughed when I told them I had AA and all my hair might fall out one day, that would be the last conversation I had with them. I know this site is all about getting together, coping with problems, we're always nice, yay for us, etc.
I put my foot down on this one. That's bullshit. Hopefully, if you haven't deleted her from existence yet like I would, this girl wises up and matures. But by the looks of it, she's got a far ways to go.
Hugs and punches from Erie.
Love this reply. Thanks for the smile this morning :)
I find your response offensive. If you can't say anything positive, wouldn't it be better to say nothing at all?
Life is not puppy dogs and fairy floss.... you cant white wash everything and hope it goes away.....I agree with Kevin....but give your friend a chance to explain her reaction.
Absolute gold. :)
Priceless! Thanks Mary
I didn't have to see the MTM Show episode to know *exactly* what you're talking about.
Please see my response to this situation at the end of this thread. Simply put, as alopecians we become and are accustomed to being so HYPERsensitive to the reactions of others to alopecia whenever they encounter it that it is very easy to mistake a reflexive response with no malicious intent behind it whatsoever for the most offensive, hurtful, egregious betrayal ever conceived - and to put it bluntly, it's not fair to the friend at all to be accused of something they may not even be aware that they've done - and it's not fair to expect anyone, not even our closest friends and family, to have a ready-made emotional response to any news we deliver to them regarding alopecia. After all, they're human, just like us - with all of the human emotions and frailties and faults that we ourselves possess.
Sometimes I think that if we step back for a moment and try to consider what we share with our friends from *their* perspective as the support system, a lot of misunderstanding and lost friendships could be avoided - and I urge the Mary that posted this situation to stand back and consider this as well.
I read this and thought of the times as a child when someone would tell me bad news and because of nerves, I would smile or laugh at an inappropriate time. I wonder if your friend has this same issue. It is so unusual to see a bald woman that people find it very hard to process! Since you say you value her friendship, I would take the high road, breathe and give your friend a chance to process this news and then respond appropriately! I lost all my hair just under two years ago and once I got over feeling suicidal, I have taken every chance to be up front with people (I do not wear a wig but wear hats and scarves) and just lately, have begun to feel better and even feel like I am starting to like the way I look...a long journey for sure but well worth it!