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Girlfriend won’t tell me she has alopecia
Hey there, I just had a questions about relationships and alopecia. I’ve been seeing my girlfriend for over a year now, and she still hasn’t told me about her alopecia. Every month or so she tells me she is going to go dye her hair, but I know she’s actually going to put her new wig on that she has ordered to her mothers house. I’ve known since we started dating, my sister used to be good friends with my girlfriends sister and she told my sister years ago about her condition so when I started dating her my sister told me about it. It doesn’t matter at all to me, she could walk around without a wig on at home, or where ever. She won’t shower with me, and would rather sit in her soaking wet wig for the day after showering rather than dry it off on a wig stand. Is she ever going to tell me? Should I not bring it up that I’ve known the entire time?? She gets extremely mAd when I touch her hair and I just want to move on from all of that and make her know that she has nothing to worry about with me. We are having a kid after all.
should I just leave her be?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Sidney Prescott on
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I sort of disagree with this.. I've just noticed many comments here that refer to telling her that you want to "see her head", and that you cant wait for her to "show you" etc etc..This is not relevant right now. I think talking to her and letting her know that you know is the important thing.
But I would not say anything about asking to see it! That is SO much pressure. Its going to be a big deal for her just talking about it and for her to hear you admit that you know, without you asking to SEE it.
In the past, most of my partners knew about my alopecia for a long time before they actually saw my bald head. And I hated it when they would try and convince me to walk around the house bald, or shower with them and let them see it. You need to let her decide that on her own time.
Just maybe consider omitting that from your initial discussion. Just talking about it and acknowledging it together is a huge step.
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Permalink Reply by Laina on
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I’m really surprised you haven’t gotten mad. I feel if she can’t be honest about her #1 insecurity what next?
I would come right out and say, “We need to talk”,, I almost feel guilty for
not saying something sooner and giving you the impression that you need to hide
hide who you really are around me. I love you for who you are and that means
with or without hair. Then let her know you never said
anything because you were afraid of losing her
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Permalink Reply by AbbyAndrew on
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I disagree!! He would have no right to be mad at her for her insecurity. I'm sure she's wanted to tell him many times but just hasn't been brave enough to. For all you know, maybe she's had experiences in the past where she's told someone and they DID reject her. Fortunately this guy sounds compassionate, but you can't help your irrational fears sometimes.
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Permalink Reply by wenwen on
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So, I've had Alopecia for 50 years and I'm 58 now. When I was younger, It was extremely painful and difficult for me to tell men about my baldness. I tried everything from sleeping in my wig, telling them I had cancer, not going to certain outings( roller coasters or swim parties), and everything else you can imagine. As women, we inflict self induced shame when it comes to hair and beauty that are reinforced by societal norms. Hair is supposed to be a woman's crowning glory. But the reality is this. Although Alopecia is not a death sentence it can promote emotional psychological, and societal decay. We start to define our sense of self, self worth and self image by our baldness. May I suggest that you write her a letter and use it as an icebreaker. Tell her how much you love her, and that you don't care about the alopecia. Let her know that you've researched it and that you understand the condition and want to learn more. Stress how much the lack of disclosure is preventing a level of intimacy that you would love to have with her and reassure her that you can take it slow. Remember that intimacy is not sex. Let her know that she's beautiful to you and at you can't wait for the moment that she's ready to show you. Good luck my friend.
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Permalink Reply by Raya on
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This is such a difficult situation I know exactly what she is going through and as her boyfriend you can’t do anything or say anything to make her feel better. She wants to live in a world where she can pretend that everything is normal and that she doesn’t want to see or hear about the truth. This is coming from someone who knows the feeling. I’ve lost my hair at the age of 9 and now I’m 36 I still to this day want to live a normal life where I can breathe. What you need to do is sit down with her and her family and let her know that you know and that you LOVE her and this will make her feel like a huge weight was lifted off her shoulders. Good Luck !
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omg please do not sit her down with her whole family like its an intervention. I assure you this will NOT go well. Just talk to her by yourself. She will seriously be overwhelmed by this and could react really badly. If someone did that to me I would probably murder them.
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You really need to just talk to her about it. I agree with pretty much everyone here is saying, but I think its better to forthright about it rather than skirt around the issue, (mentioning other bald women etc) As long as you're sensitive of course.
I would also like to mention two things you may or may not have thought of...
1 - she may already b a member of this site, and could see your post..
2 - There is a chance that a part of her already knows that you know, and is just in denial.
but either way, you have to talk to her. And like you said you said you're having a kid together! You cant keep secrets like that from each other forever, I think it will make for a very unhappy relationship in the end.
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Such great responses here! I can’t think of anything to add. Please do this SOON, and let us know how it goes. Heck, let her read this thread and THEN talk!
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Permalink Reply by Solange De Santis on
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I'm going to go against most of the advice on this thread. It sounds like you want to talk about it, however she does not. Leave her be and she may talk to you about it when she's ready.
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