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Going without a wig or head cover
Will I ever feel comfortable going without my wig or head covered? I just can't seem to get there and I have not had any hair for 3 1/2 years. A lot of times when I go out just with a bandana on I have strangers come up to me and ask me what type of cancer I have. I try to make it a positive opportunity and introduce them to our disease, but it still doesn't make it less comfortable or easier.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Christine on
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Thanks Mary, I hope you know that I agree I wish with all my heart that bald could and would be a "look" like it is for men now, there are some very attractive men that choose to shave all (not alopecians) because of male pattern baldness, or just as a look they desire, I have seen some women that are also quite beautiful bald, I know that that may take more time to be as accepted as a style, as it is for men now, but wouldn't that be wonderful? I would more likely than not still go with the cover, I just don't like my ears, lol. the truth is, I just wish AA were talked about more, and understood more, I work in a hospital and you would be shocked at the nurses that do not know what alopecia Areata is!
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Permalink Reply by Lori Black on
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Deanna, Everyone that has posted here has exactly the right advice. "To Cover or NOT to cover" is truly a personal choice. I have lived this life with hair issues for 26 yrs and have always chosen to go out "covered". At home too for that matter, I simply have a sensitivity to cold!! I wear a turban to sleep in and wigs around the house and out. When I purchase a new wig I start wearing the older one at home, they are more broken in I guess and comfortable. Wigs just itch sometimes, but I have accepted that as part of the territory. I prefer seeing myself haired. All my children have seen my baldness and think nothing of it, but I prefer that they see me covered more often than not. Now with my husband that is a different story. He had to be able to accept it differently I am very comfortable around him as he could care less he loves me, I know that the whole "others accepting you" deal is a big hurdle in some lives and I am no exception. It took me until about 2-3 yrs ago to really be OK with it and tell others without feeling weird. My husband says I actually seem more relaxed without my head covered and prefers my baldness because of that alone seeming to make me more comfortable, he really accepted it even before we married (sight unseen) and continues to encourage me by his acceptance. To feel so inhibited has caused me to put walls between myself and others and really added to the stress of the whole thing. Blessings!!
Lori
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Permalink Reply by Tuesday on
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I definitely agree the covering is a person decision. I truly admire the women here who always go out in public bald. And you all look so wonderful. I lost my hair and went AU within a few weeks almost 10 years ago. At that time, (can't believe the time has passed so quickly), I was younger and feeling pretty confident ... I went out, immediately in public bald. I had a really radically looking friend and she was supportive of my bald appearance - it helped. But I couldn't get over the desire to be "covered" in the corporate world. I was stuck in a damn wig every day!
I lost my nerve to go bald. I'm just not sure what else happened to explain why I no longer feel comfortable.
I do wear scarves and wigs. I like having my blonde wigs ... makes me feel like the old "me'. In the cold winters of Ontario, I can't fathom being bald - I need a wig and hat to keep me warm.
I wish I could get over the staring but I can't. The staring ... not sure how my husband would cope at this point aor my kids. When I did go bald to a movie - I'll never forget - an entire line-up of people waiting to buy popcorn in movie theatre - jaws all dropped and stared and whispered.
I think you women look beautiful and in some ways I am proud of my head and yet to reveal it to the public, strangers - it's almost too personal. I can't articulate it ... sometimes it feels like I'm revealing my innermost self and I prefer to keep that part of me private. Does that make sense?
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Permalink Reply by Mary on
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Yes, Tuesday, it makes perfect sense. I know how you feel, but I guess I'm used to it. Yesterday I went to see Avatar at big theater in IMAX 3D. I bought our tickets online, and when we went in a half hour before the start, I was amazed to see that the line went on forever! I was bald because I got warm walking quickly in to the theater and had taken my scarf off before I saw that I'd be walking by about 60 people to get to the end of the line! It occurred to me that they were there to see a movie about some strange-looking aliens! How weird could I look? lol A few people may have looked a little longer than normal, but no one whispered or really stared. I guess I just don't care so much anymore.
p.s. (and not related to this discussion) I just found out that the Bulgarian woman in this photo I put on AW last year is on the Avatar soundtrack. I've posted YouTube links here to the parts with her singing:
http://www.alopeciaworld.net/photo/no-hair-no-problem?xg_source=act...
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Tuesday, I also get what you mean, I have not gotten to the point of having to wear a wig yet, but I think that there is a nakedness about it, like when you said personal, that's exactly how I feel, I have trouble fully expressing it, but is very vulnerable, and even tho I feel I'm a open person, and have been so open about my AA.....probably too open at times, my head without hair feels so exposed, almost like walking around topless, I liken it to me wearing a bathing suit in public, (I've gained some weight and am so out of shape) It just ain't happening :-) Thank you for expressing what I have felt but could not fully articulate myself
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Permalink Reply by Leresa on
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Looks like you have got some great responses. I go bald as well as wear hair. I do one look more than the other depending how I feel periodically. When I first went bald in public almost 2years ago I was very fearful. It was a personal choice for me(comfort & awareness)- It's way too hot in So Cali)- I always felt like I was leading this double life. The first time I did it I felt naked but soo comfortable. I can't tell you how blissful it feels to have the sun kiss your head-it's like a weight of relief off my chest & most of all there's no curiousity of someone trying to see if your hair is real, it's out there. & I am a girl who thought I wasn't never strong enough to do it - I was the girl admiring other alopecian women doing it & hoping it would liberate me somehow. But ultimately it's what your comfortable with. The more they see of us then the less rarity it will be.
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Permalink Reply by Gale Moorman on
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Deanna, I've had alopecia for over 30 years and I've never went out without my bandanna and a tennis cap on. Some times I only wear the bandanna but most days its the scarf and a cap. This has become my mantra, my being and I feel very comfortable with that attire. Don't think I could ever go without a head covering or a wig. With the cap I think people wouldn't be so prone to ask if I had cancer or anyone had cancer. Think it camaflouges the bald look well because no one has asked me a thing.
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I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I think the only way things will improve is for more of us to be out in public. As long as the only bald woman a person has ever seen is one with cancer, that's what people will assume. I know it's hard... I've been doing it for almost 2 years. It's absolutely a personal choice and I support anyone who prefers to cover their head. But, think about it and check out my new video about the 2010 National Bald Out Day:
http://www.alopeciaworld.net/video/announcing-the-2nd-annual
Mary
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