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Hair loss affecting a marriage -- am I the only one?
I'm not sure what I'm hoping for -- advice?? Someone else who knows what I'm going through?
But I'm surprised I have not seen this mentioned anywhere, or maybe I missed it.
My hair loss has really affected our marriage. My husband says he has a hard time finding me attractive anymore, and it's obvious from his actions as well. Obviously this has all kinds of ramifications.
How do other people cope with this??
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Tallgirl on
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What do men in Newcastle typically expect a woman to look like or offer?
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Permalink Reply by Rose Marie' on
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Hi
I've been with the same man since I was 16....we married when I was 22 years old, I am now 53. We have two children...one of which has alopecia. Our marriage has not been made in heaven. It has been worked on and struggled through on some occasions. I respect and care for my husband very much and I know without doubt this is mutual.
I would continue talking to your husband and make him fully understand the hurtful way he is behaving. You may not be able to control his choices, but you can control yours and you should. Marriage has a fair bit of for better or worse. Maybe he needs to be asked if he was dealing with something that changed his appearance would he automatically think that was a time for you to point out his problem and suggest that it was causing you to be unattracted to him...or would he far rather have you support him through it, even though it was difficult for you both. Bounce his choices straight back at him.
Love is often about being vulnerable and safe with someone....he is not acting in a loving way, in my mind.
Work through that fact and look after yourself.
Rosy
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Permalink Reply by AlopeciaDestroyedMyLife on
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You are confusing attraction and sex with love Rose they are different.
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"You are confusing attraction and sex with love they are different."
Yes, I think this hits the nail on the head and is the crux of the problem.
People don't have much choice over what they are or are not attracted to. As an analogy, if someone were repulsed by the smell and taste of broccoli, could they just "choose" for it to be a food they crave and love?
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This lady is in a marriage....not a short uncommitted relationship. Marriage for me, is a commitment to love, honour etc. That doesn't mean only while you are 100% well and you tick all my boxes. Life changes people and I feel it is a pretty immature response to say...oh dear you look different ...well that's it...can't be having that ...I'm off. Grow up and work through the issues life brings. You will find a deeper respect and kinder loving relationship.
People (in my opinion) should hold themselves to a kinder and caring bottom line....if it is all about how you look....you are going to fall apart anyway as you age.....a life commitment to a person is just that ' better or worse'...work through it. Find the love...be the love.
I suppose it depends on what people expect from themselves and how people expect to be treated. I personally wouldn't put up with anyone saying I was one part of my body....I am so much more and so worthy of all the love I receive.
T
Rosy
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Permalink Reply by chris for hair on
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YEAH!! As usual Rosie speaks with the wisdom and experience of someone that has seen the good and not so good sides of life. I truly appreciate people who have lived some hardship and can still stay balanced. As she says,
"Look after yourself..." but also allow some leeway as they may not yet be evolved enough to accept life as it is, not so pretty at times.Hopefully you and he will work this challenge out and face the next one together.
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Permalink Reply by Matt1 on
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You need to leave that douche! thats crazy he's obviously a piece of $#&! if he said that to you!
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Well you're not alone!
My wife finds me unattractive with no hair, she cant bear to even touch me, she says I have become "feminised", and that she has never found bald men attractive (I have AT began 2 years ago, 8 years into marriage).
Ironically mine started following a vasectomy op - so its turned out to be a pretty effective form of birth control!
How do I cope? - I'm not sure I do!
Good luck
GB
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Permalink Reply by tall blonde 1 on
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(((((((hug))))))) Thats all.
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Thanks!
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Permalink Reply by MJ Wrick on
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Gary, I use humor ALL the time to cope with this- Thanks for your birth control comment, I needed a laugh. As far as the hair loss/marriage issue, marriage is a commitment, and I think it's incredibly unfair to play the physical attraction card when the hair falls out, because if that's all there was when they married you, they need to grow up. It breaks my heart to hear stories like this. My husband expected me to Manu-up and deal, but then griped at the price of wigs. Luckily insurance covers them now.
It takes personal maturity and discernment to get beyond the attraction thing, which often can be camouflage for wolves in sheeps clothing. Earlier this week I remembered a relationship I had in my early 20s. I liked tall, dark-haired guys, and this guy was blond. Great career, intelligent, funny, great values- He tried his heart out over a year to win me over before I bailed on the whole thing. I was a fool and I'm sure along with his heart, I broke my mothers, because the person I did choose to marry had qualities that looks and attraction could not make up for. This will be a story I plan on telling my teen when the time is right. I have known of other couples who have not overcome alopecia. Those marriages would not have survived any other storm. One of the great things about getting older is that so many of my petty detail things I used to be so hung up on dim in comparison to the individual beauty I see in EVERYONE, inside and out. My best to you Jenny, you are in my prayers.
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How did you get Insurance to cover them? My Dr. Writes me a prescription for a cranial prosthetic and I still get no where. Thank you
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