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Has alopecia changed you in a way? Your personality? Your character?
Hello everyone, as usual, I am momentarily depressed about my hair so I would like to ask you some questions. Since the onset of your alopecia, do you find a change within your character that has made you the way you are right now? For example, some of you have become quieter. Some of you have learned to be humble. Some of you have learned to be confident. Some of you have acquired the "I-don't-care" attitude. Some of you have become outgoing and bubbly.
I've definitely become a humble person. I don't know how to explain but after going through a lot in the past years, I have learned to accept the pain I'm carrying within myself. For example, some people can be rude and show off whatever they have - their luxurious clothes, fancy car, designer clothes, beautiful hair and skin, et cetera. But I've learned to be kind to people because you never know what they are going through at the moment.
In what ways has alopecia changed you? If there's any change at all?
Thank you.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Pat on
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I take more care of my appearance these days. After 20+ years of AU it has taught me to make the most of myself. Before alopecia I hardly wore makeup and mostly wore jeans and tee shirts but now I try hard to look my best. I wear makeup, have had my eyebrows and eyeliner tatooed and I wear wigs. I hated how I felt so unattractive and looked so ill with all hair, eyebrows and lashes gone...it wiped my face of colour.
I have felt self-pity like I never experienced before AU. It's a horrible feeling and one I'm glad is now gone.
After contracting another auto-immune condition that is painfully debilitating I am grateful that hairloss is the least of my worries today.
I don't worry what others think of me today. I surround myself with positive people who aren't into pitying me and who encourage me to be the best I can be.
I have gained confidence along my journey with AU and that is worth a lot.
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Permalink Reply by Elaine on
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Haven't been on here in awhile but this was a very good question. I noticed that alopecia has made me more humble. I was very quiet and shy when I had it as a child. But when I got older and my hair grew back I was very confident, more talkative, the life of the party some might say.
Unfortunately the last couple of years since my alopecia came back I lost a lot of confidence in myself. I think it's mainly because I don't want any attention on me out of fear someone would ask me questions about my weaves or wigs. So I try to stay as quiet as possible.
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Permalink Reply by Benny Nardini on
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I'm Having problems at school...my friends are saying to me that i'm not "behaving well" and my new teachers are asking me stuff about alopecia and i don't now how to reply!!!
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Permalink Reply by Kirsten on
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I was quite pro-active about fighting my impending blindness and was getting out and making positive plans and then my alopecia struck, it's made me become more shut off and shut down. I do however hope I can still make something positive with my life, and that I am accepting everything with as much diginity as I can. I won't be able to blend in, the loss of sight will see to that, so I realize I'm going to have people stare one way or another, (not that I see them now or will as things get darker - so that's something), I just need to get my confidence back so I can show people bad things do happen and yet we carry on.
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Alopecia has done a lot for me - none of it good. My teenage years were fraught with self- consciousness, pain, unworthiness, no confidence, inability to make and keep good friendships etc etc. Alopecia has stunted my growth as a person. It has caused me many years of dreadful emotional pain and damage. I feel I am a damaged person. Add to that the grief I feel at not being able to have children and add to that too the pain of having had someone defraud us (my husband and me) out of our life savings (including our house) and now being totally dependent on the good will of wealthy in laws for somewhere to live. Nope - alopecia has not been a great experience for me at all - but is it for anyone? And who else cares anyway?
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Permalink Reply by Debbi Fuller on
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Ellyn, you have certainly had a dreadful time of it. I think that adults who had alopecia as children have often had the hardest time of all. It was not accepted as much years ago and there was no support. You do have the ability to try to change things though. The defrauding was not because of AA but because there was an evil person who did evil things. Don't turn that on yourself. There's still time to try to forge a new relationship with yourself and your alopecia. Read some of the really inspiring stories and see some hope there.
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Permalink Reply by margaret watson on
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I have had Alopecia since age 17 and am now 56. Yes, I have regularly been unhappy within myself, but not publically. I wore a wig til I was 40 and then grew an inner confidence and thought 'actually what is this all about - me or other people?' So I dropped the wig and went with hair - or rather bits and pieces of it. Then age 50 all of it went. I am so much happier now. I go everywhere with no hair - completely bald! No one minds, many come up to me and say 'I'm amazing', and I have so much confidence that I would willingly shout from the roof tops!
It is within yourself to heal! Everyone seems to have problems - money, relationships, illness, mental health issues etc but I am the only one that either hides it away or am at peace with myself and go Naked (I mean bald)! It has taught me that I belong to society in that everyone has something they are struggling with. but with me I am 100% healthy, happy in my relationships, happy at work(primary teacher), healthy and have enough money to live happily - I am JUST BALD! So sod the world - you can just SEE my problem BUT I know the rest have bigger problems and I feel for them!
Don't despair ... it has taken me years to believe in myself. I don't think I could have done this when I first wore a wig after my 1st child was born age 25. However now there are so many bald people around ( thru Cancer) that it's not taboo anymore. I just wish I had shaved the bits of my head earlier and been completely bald at 45 cause looking back I looked a right mess but to me 'I still had HOPE that it might get better' but it all went.
I still wish every day that it would grow back - hoped that at menopause age it would grow, but NO! May be when I'm 80 I'll have a full head of hair!
Margaret Watson - Exeter, Devon
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Permalink Reply by Laura Adams on
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Yes definitely. But hard to say to what degree because since I was sixteen when it struck and getting a bit full of myself--as teenagers will do. My self esteem suffered SO badly at first but since I have re-emerged stronger than ever. It took me about three years to fully accept and portray myself as a bald woman. To accept the inevitable? But I feel so empowered about it now; like: oh so you need me to have hair? I don't even need me to have hair lol! So you are not ALLOWED to tell me I need to appear as is I've got hair (read: wear a wig). But I know that is not the choice for everybody, wigs are fine too. I just don't like wearin em, that's all.
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In a funny way Mariam, some of all of the above. I'm confident - much more than when I was young, but that is not because of alopecia, it's because of age. The "I don't care" was acquired over time and is also somewhat due to getting older. I don't think I'm 'humble' but I definitely look at people's troubles differently now. I also see a lot since I provide some wigs to cancer patients and I always remember how lucky I am to have alopecia and not cancer. I already was outgoing but became withdrawn when I first got AU. After adapting to the alopecia (in some ways due to being with Pan Am when Lockerbie happened - it helped me get the alopecia into perspective), I became very outgoing again. Because of my job, being 'out' is the only way I can be. I think the biggest difference between us is that I can honestly say that I carry NO pain within me. I am grateful for my AU and I embrace it. I've learned to actually LIKE having hair only when I want it. Age helps with this. Think of Kathy Bates character in Fried Green Tomatoes. Rent it if you haven't seen it.
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Permalink Reply by mary on
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Jill,
Bravo to you! You should be so happy that you go to waterparks! I raised my two sons without ever setting foot near one! Luckily, they had friends who took them. I feel so guilty of the things they never experienced because I was too afraid to be who I am. If anyone else reads this, don't let this be you! I fear I have only perpetuated the ignorance of people by being so ashamed.
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Permalink Reply by Dorothy G. on
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I also like to go to the pool and amusement parks. I wear my Nammuhats in the water and a chemo cap I sewed on the roller coasters, glued to my head with It Stays adhesive. I'm usually the only one with a headcover too but have fun regardless.
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I have had AU for a year now. At first I cried constantly. But when I finally said no more and just went everywhere bald. I found I am more confident. I don't care what people think. My motto: Go Bold or Go Home. Since I do not plan ongoing home. I put on the brightest lipstick and my earrings and just move on. I work in a very public arena and the response has been positive. People are curious and ask questions. I just tell them I have AU and I am healthy. Frankly, if anyone says anything negative other people speak up and say how beautiful I am. So be BOLD. Go Bald. It was really freeing once I got over myself.
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