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Help! I am struggling in more ways than one!
So the other day my partner left me. We have been together for 6 years!!! It was a real wake up call for me. I realized I have been so self involved with my hair loss and trying to self accept that I have neglected the person who means the most to me. I have taking my pain out on him, the point where he couldn't take it any longer!
I am not his person..I was not this person...how do I get myself back? and how do I get him back? I don't want to loose him forever?:(
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Lesleigh on
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Jenn, you told me he was supported and accepted you with you hair-loss and he thought you were beautiful anyway. You've got to accept yourself. You are a gorgeous young woman. You can put on hair. It could be so much worse. You could be scarred or something so much worse. Enjoy your life and beauty while you are young. You are so much more than your hair. You are a beautiful person. And that little girl loves you too!! Your other MUM!!! xxoxoxox! Mwahh pretty girl!!
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Permalink Reply by Jennah on
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He did say those things but now he is saying he can't do it anymore. I had to move out :(
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Permalink Reply by Tallgirl on
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Maybe he was really interested in you for something else, or left for someone else. It happens.
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You are right Tallgirl. I guess what will be will be . It is just really confusing as about 3 weeks ago he surprised me by taking me to look at engagement rings to see what I liked. I had no idea he was going to do that. Just very conffusing indeed lol. I guess I just need to try and focus on me and living my life now
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Permalink Reply by ShoCorona on
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awwwwwwwww Jennah, am so sorry to hear that this has happened to you :( I totally understand how you are feeling as my partner finished with me too and we'd been together for over 4 years! It's tough as we do get so involved in what is happening to us but as I was told by other peeps on here and my family and friends 'he obviously wasn't the one for me'. Can I ask you a question, what would you have done if it had been the other way round and he had gone through all this.. ??
Stuff happens for a reason and you need to stay strong lovely!! You're a beautiful young woman with lots going for ya, this is jus a blip which you will get through, honest!!
Sending you massive hugs and if you wanna talk you know where I am.. shO xx
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The other way around I think I would always want to be there for him.
Thanks Sho :)
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Permalink Reply by LilyBell*Murphy'sLawLuvsMe on
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Well he certainly did a 180 - rings three weeks ago and now this. No wonder your head is spinning! Perhaps you can ask him what really is going on - hopefully he will be honest. If it is that he is feeling emotionally neglected then perhaps couples therapy might help - and perhaps in therapy he can at least try to understand what YOU are dealing with - the devestation of it all.
As for getting yourself back - it will take time - you did not feel this way overnight - so you will not feel like your 'old self' overnight either. Again talking with someone may jump start that process.
What he 'was interested in you for something else' means I have no idea - men dont stay for six years 'for something else.'
Could he have found 'someone else' possible but I doubt that he found her in the three weeks since he took you to look at rings. Maybe that whole thought process freaked him out. Men can be so weird. If he has 'found someone else' - that makes him a cheater and a coward. That won't make the pain less now but it will make your future better to know that about HIM now!
I hope you feel better soon. Hugs
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I think I know what it is. I have had an anxiety disorder I have been struggling for, for many years. With the alopeacia coming up it had gotten bad again and I have been finding it hard to do day-to-day things. I had to leave my job due to the stress of everything in December. And have been struggling to get the right help. I have recently started seeing a therapist who changed my medication. I have been very moody and I think taking a lot out one him. With this new medication I have been very frustrated and moody - but I was told this would happen for the first few weeks while I was adjusting to the medication.
He came home from work and said that we had to talk and I asked what about. He said he couldn't do it anymore. I just started crying and said fine and went into the other room and rang my mum. I found out he had rang her on the way home to let her know. I abused him and told him he had lied to me about loving me so much and wanting to marry me. I was just so upset and hurt. I told him I was going to my mums and he said ok.
I tried to ask him why and that I didn't understand after. and he said it just wasn't working. He said family is important and my family doesn't accept him. (which is true - my mum is soo difficult. She doesn't think he is right for me (I think because he has tattoos and a nose ring (she doesn't know him like I do and has never given him a chance!) I hate it :).
I just feel so lost...we have been together for 6 years and I know that it has been difficult for him and I have been hard to live with, but it feels so unfair that I am finally getting the help I need and he has gone!
I don't know what to do. I moved all of my things out of our place and am staying with my parents (I am greatful to them but angry because I feel like if they were more accepting of him too I may not have lost him. I know they are not only to blame. I guess I haven't been there for him enough, It is a huge wake up call. He is being very cold now and not replying to any texts. I have been trying not to text him, but it is so hard.
I just want him back!!! I hope he hasn't found someone else:( he says he hasn't but I don't know anymore. everything that he has once told me doesn't feel real.
I've lost my home, my partner, my job, and am losing my hair too :(
I don't know if I should write him a letter or just try and get better alone. I really did feel he loved me and he is the one who has brought up marriage time and time again.
What should I do
Please help!
I am not crazy by the way everything just feels so much at the moment I feel so lost without him and given a chance I would really try so hard and be there for him as I love him so much!
He also has a daughter who is 9 Lily she is a doll and I miss her too :(
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Everything on the net seems to suggest If you want someone back you should try not to contact them for a period of time and then write a letter. It has been a week now :(
Oh and he said he loves me but we can;t live together. I think he is wrong. I think I haven't been myself and I am determined to be again. This has been a huge wake-up call!
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Ok I understand much better now. You need time to adjust to the meds so that you can begin to get back to yourself. I find most men do not deal well with constant texting and talking about 'their feelings'. They compartmentalize. If I were you I would not contact him at all. It will be hard but trust me - he will miss you - IF you give him a chance too. Right now the ball is totally in his court and he has all the 'control'. He knows you want him. Men like to chase. They are wired that way. Make him wonder what you are up to - and believe me he will. If you stop texting he will suddenly wonder why. It may take a few weeks which is good because by then your meds should be helping you and you can reasses the entire thing. I find most men totally predictable. If you cut contact he will probably imagine YOU have MOVED on and that just might, probably will, motivate him to come back to you. Then you can decide if you want him. I know it sounds like a game. In a way it is. I have never known this approach to fail. As I said, men are weird and also rather simple.
As for your parents - perhaps it is time to tell them that the way they treated your partner of 6 years caused you significant problems and pain. NO parent wants to cause their child pain. Tell them that they need to respect your choice- they dont have to love it but if they love you - then they will accept and be civil to him. But remember, they are not going to forget that he left you and has hurt you and you cant expect them too. So, if you really do want him back - do not bash him to your parents - it will make if so much worse if you do get back together. Save that talk for therapy.
Again it will be hard not to contact him but you must give him time to miss you. A few days is not enough - it has to be at least a few weeks. If he never calls again - he is an ass (sorry just my thougths) and you should move on to someone who is willing to stick out good and bad and by then you will be feeling much better.
Oh when he does call - do not go all mushy and teary eyed about how much you missed him and want him back - make him work for it. Again this is the chase issue. I know all this sux big time but it does work.
I have been dumped a few times and personally used this 'technique' as have several of my girlfriends. It has always worked. Problem is by the time the boy wanted to come back we had pretty much gotten over the worst of it and now were the ones in control. For some it worked out and we took them back for other we realized we wanted someone different.
Most men do not like to feel guilty that they hurt you nor do they like to be 'pestered' - leave him alone - he will only wonder what you are up to : )
BTW my male freinds all agree this approach works. It is like their code has been cracked.
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Thanks so much for that advice I will try and do that Its so hard when you care not to try and talk to them though :( eeek I have to be strong !
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Permalink Reply by BTB (John) on
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Got too agree with LilyBell on this one
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