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Permalink Reply by Alison Hobbs on September 22, 2010 at 12:55am

Hi! I went through a stage with people being mean like that. I just to wear a hat to school then later i got a wig. I had one boy comment on my hat and call me baldy. I went straight to the Deputy. Never happened again. Most kids in my school knew I had alopecia and I was open about it. I found that my peers dealt with it better. I never wore my wig in class as it was hot. The ones that are cruel are jealous that they dont have anazing hair and can change when ever they feel like it. One boy did pull my wig off accidently and I felt so humiliated. Now I couldn't care. You are who you are and nothing can change that. Take the nice comments people make about your hair - "I love your hair, its such a nice colour. Where did you get it done?" I still tell people about my wig when they tell me my hair looks good. No one out of their mind should pull somones wig off. I feel for your daughter but tell her their are others out there. If she wants to talk I'm here :) Been through that :)

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Permalink Reply by Rose Marie' on September 22, 2010 at 4:12pm

Hi

I understand how you are feeling. That feeling of being on high alert (or protection mode) is a difficult place to be. Your daughter is at a school where the behaviour being exhibited by those (unpleasant) young ladies is not tolerated. Talk to the school. Make this what it is - underhanded bullying.....girls/woman are extremely good at it and for some reason it can get blown off as not such a big deal. It is a big deal it is making your daughter uncomfortable and you uncomfortable.

My daughter went through some similar experieces during her time at high school and I was very proactive during this time with her. I will list some of the things that helped.

1. I made my daughter very involved in the process and made her understand that bad behaviour (like making someone feel less because of a difference) is not acceptable. I made her aware that we had the power to stop this and then I helped her with the tools to sort this for herself.
2. I talked to her about the fear around being exposed. This is often an enormous hurdle for pre-teens and teens as their whole being is about being accepted as one of the teen team. When you have a difference you have to work on working out who should be acceptable to them - not the other way round. (hope that makes sense). We were and are open about my daughters alopecia. Talking to her class, classmates and school, making them understand the condition helped us a lot - education works well to stop people feeling isolated for their differences.
3. My daughter wore and wears a very secure hairpiece, which would not be able to be removed by pulling etc. This may seem like a small thing, but when a child knows in their own mind that they are safe this can help them be more open on their own terms. (this helped my daughter but may not be the choice for you - and thats ok) :).
4. When ever anything ugly (like what you are experiencing) reared its head, I went into full on communication mode with my daughter and all involved with the situation. You are her biggest advocate, you can help to make this easier and a positive in your daughters life rather than something negative.

I hope what I have said helps. I can see that you are a great mum doing a good job, just keep keeping on.

If I can ever help further feel free to pop in and say hi.

Rosy

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Permalink Reply by Karen Smith on September 23, 2010 at 9:18am

Hi, My daughter developed AA in 9th grade and the hair grew back and then her senior year she developed AU in a short period of time and had to wear wigs. She wears lace wigs with super tape and she was able to cheerlead, tumble, wakeboard, swim etc. without worry of them coming off. If you pulled hard on them it would tear her skin before it would come off. I would start with putting tape on whatever wig she is wearing to make sure it will not come off easily. I also think talking to the counselor is essential. This behavior should not be tolerated and you are her advocate. My daughter had a great support group with some really big guy friends that offered to beat up anyone that said anything mean to her. This made her laugh but I think the support helped, she always felt protected by them. She did not have anyone ever touch her wig and she had a pretty normal senior year with a sweet boyfriend, dances, parties and lots of friends. She had to find a way to live with the alopecia and she did. She is also making college work. She rooms with her best friend and we were able to get a situation with a private bath.

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Permalink Reply by Daniela on October 4, 2010 at 12:06pm

hi,
im dani, i started high school a year ago in england. i got alopecia 9 months ago. i always get nasty comments about my hats, like eing called a pirate because i wear bandannas. how old is your daughter? im 13. i think she should tell her school about it. that is what i did and the mean comments stopped as they were all scared of getting expelled.

i hope this helps. xx :)

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