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I'm an alien
I have a 7 year old daughter who is used to me with a wig. The other day she pushed me soooo far with some nonsense that I actually pulled my wig off my head and said, "Do you see this?!?! I am sooo stressed out right now that all my hair is GONE NOW!" She looked me straight in the eye and said, "whatever, you look like an Alien!"
By the time my jaw got back up off the floor she was sleeping and my husband reminded me (calmed me down) that I'm "human" and can't say anything stupid in retaliation. "When she gets up we'll talk to her."
So when she got up I asked her why she said what she said and she replied, "because you look weird and you won't get mad at me so I said it."
Wow, my own kid is bullying me....
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by carly on
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Well this is none of my business but I just saw this in my mailbox. Something about it really resonated with me. Maybe you are not looking at your own hairloss in a positive way and it's affecting the way your daughter is seeing you? This is only a gut reaction from the interaction where you pulled off your wig in order to shock her into being 'good.' I'm not a parent so I can't claim that I know anything about the frustrations you have to encounter every day. I'm just wondering if maybe you didn't use your hair loss to shock her into seeing how much she's stressing you out that maybe she would see it a lovely part of mommy. You DO look weird but that's not necessarily a bad thing. I think you have a beautiful face and head and you/she should too!
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Permalink Reply by Katie B on
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Oh dear! Sounds as though you were both having a stressed moment and snapping at each other in the first way possible each of you could think of at the time.
This probably wont help (!) but as I started to read your post I was worried that saying (even in the heat of the moment) that you having lost your hair was her fault was somewhere in her psychie be taken to heart.
I know its one of those silly things said - but it sound slike 6 of one - half a dozen of the other rather than her bullying you - but I think it would be worth sitting down together when its calmer and stating to her that its absolutely not her fault that youve lost your hair.
Dont let her carry that one forward (that you blamed her for it regardless if she knows its true or not). She will know its something thats affected you a lot - dont let her think you blame her for it.
By sitting and explaining that to her and apologising for saying it you will be teaching her a lesson that she can copy regardless if she says 'sorry for calling you an alien' in reply this time or not.
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Permalink Reply by kryssiecat on
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First, let me say that I do not have children. I vaguely agree with Michael Powers but, although I do not have children, I can imagine how incredibly stressful it is to raise a child. I've often wondered myself how much my future children will be picked on when their classmates find out their mother has no hair. I think you went a bit far by pulling your wig off and expressing your stress to your 7 year old. She knows how to push your buttons. Imagine how many times she will have her buttons pushed in her life, you're teaching her how to react to those situations when she pushes yours.
As to what your daughter said to you, I think this would be a good time for a lesson in "not everyone looks the same". She's going to meet plenty of people in her life that "look weird" and a lot of them are going to be perfectly normal people beneath their looks. Perhaps a lesson in gratefulness as well. No one chooses to lose their hair permanently, no one chooses to look different, no one chooses to be the smelly kid at school.
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Permalink Reply by Kathryn Michael on
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Don't blame your daughter for her response - she is not bullying you.
Making her think that she caused your hair to fall out is not how to treat a child or break the news to them that you have no hair. She should NEVER be made to feel that it is her fault, however you are feeling. That is bullying
You need to look at how your hair loss makes you feel,come to terms with it.
I have been hair free for over three years now and there are far worse things than having no hair. I teach 5 & 6 yr olds and every time I get a new class I start with 'How many of you noticed I have no hair?' It breaks the ice, they learn I am not ill and they learn that everyone is different - but it's ok.
But please - never again blame your daughter for something you are having issues with
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Permalink Reply by Miss Erica on
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Thank you for your response and advice but I think many of you misread, I dont blame her at all-she has seen me struggle with baldness since she was a baby. I said the stress has caused the hairloss, and that's not untrue. My daughter's response was meant to be mean to me, she said it very non-chalant so I knew that she didnt care about what she did or about my disease.
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Permalink Reply by Cindie on
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Today's children have, what my grandmother would say, "too much mouth." She needs to be sat down with you and your husband and told politely but firmly that what she said was disrespectful, and disrespect of anyone -- herself included -- will not be tolerated in your home.
If she speaks to you in that manner, and you are the parent -- she'll speak to other adults in that manner -- and most won't tolerate it.
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Permalink Reply by Jett Ramone on
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hmmmmm. I don't know a lot about psycho-analying children, but I do know that she needs a good spanking, and to be taught some respect. If any kid of mine ever spoke to me that way, he/she wouldn't be able to sit down for a couple of days.
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Now you are scary, as if abusing your children would make them understand your stress, build a relationship and trust with them.
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Yea, that's my battle. There has to be an inbetween...getting your kids to respect you and beating the crap outta them! I seriously have wanted to grab her a few times and had to stop.
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My last response was not directed toward you, Erica, but to the other responder. I am sure it's not easy being a parent, and I mean no disrespect. My point was just that I am amazed at the difference between parents today, and parents when I was growing up. And if a kid of mine ever said the word, "whatever" to me, they would have a big problem on their hands.
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