Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by ChrisM on June 24, 2012 at 3:07pm

Hi Andre

Firstly never necessarily accept what other people say as being correct. You are only ugly if you are on the inside. I suspect that girls who are that unkind and unfeeling do not have very attractive personalities despite how they might appear on the outside. I know which I would find the most attractive.

Your journey has been much longer than mine and its clear that time doesn't always make it easier especially when you are younger. We have no control over what our alopecia may do and I have found trying to accept it and channel my energies into the positives in my life, helpful. Also acceptance and concentrating on being myself rather than how others might perceive me is strengthening.

I disagree that bald men are unattractive. At your age, maybe, very few males are bald or thinning but that will soon change. I think bald men can be very attractive (that was even before my hair started to fall out), moreso if they are confident in themselves, good people and fit & healthy but not necessarily with the worked out bulging muscles look.

Don't be bitter and frustrated. Be bold, strong and confident. That makes you a beautiful person, not your hair and time will prove that..

Chris

Permalink Reply by Rose Marie' on June 24, 2012 at 7:13pm

Hi

There are a few men on here that I'm sure will be able to offer you there insight on how they handle there alopecia. Look up 'Mike'and 'Jeff' as both these fellows are often here to help.

I have a son who is 17 years old and I understand the mindfield that us ladies can be for young men. You know from my point of view and what I tell my son as well. Confidence is the thing that most attracts young woman (not cockiness), but a true understanding that you are alright in your own skin. I can fully understand how your lack of hair is causing you to second think yourself, but you have to work on who you are (your self esteem). Working on your 'self image' even though it shouldn't, sometimes does help with self esteem. I guess it's sort of like matching up what you see with how you feel. But make sure that you know who you are even without your hair and without being tanned and muscular, because you just being you is truly enough!

Hugs

Rosy

Permalink Reply by Tallgirl on June 24, 2012 at 11:54pm

Then, what is real to you?

Permalink Reply by Tallgirl on June 28, 2012 at 12:51pm

For me, a real man is one who has humor, wit, empathy, strength, ability to get me from a frown to a smile within minutes, is literate, knows history, has a good memory, cares about ME, listens, can joke about himself, is likable, is self-sufficient and could potentially be there for me in old age, compromises, apologizes, has a great voice, is soothing, is a bit irreverent (to a point), can tell stories, and doesn't hide things or other women from me. Honest and fun. Open. Those are the kinds of guys I will remember for years...not the ones stuck on outside packaging. A bit of spice isn't bad, either!

Permalink Reply by Rose Marie' on June 25, 2012 at 5:10pm

Hi

The outside is important as well, but you have to match up what you feel inside to how you present yourself outside.

I understand your frustration but you have to find a way to vent that with positive results for yourself.

I with Lilybell, working on what can be changed is a good start. Focussing on what can't is just going to drive you to become an angry young man - not overly attractive to anyone.

Rosy

Permalink Reply by alamogirl/ aka Judy on June 25, 2012 at 5:26pm

Do you REALLY want advice, Andre, or do you just want to vent. Because there is NOTHING wrong with venting. We all need a little explosion now and then. You are at an incredibly vulnerable time in your life and have been dealt a really big load of junk. If you could read the minds of most of your contemporaries, you would find a huge boatload of lack of self-confidence. You just happen to have a condition for all to see. So rant and rave, go to the gym, work on your academics, become the most interesting person you can, develop a huge sense of humor and an even larger dose of patience. Things DO get better. And when you are ready, read and take to heart the advice others have written here. You are important. Blessings.

Permalink Reply by Lexi on December 15, 2012 at 9:43pm

OK, you are a dude...I understand your frustration, but trying being a female and your hair is supposed to be your crowning glory and what makes you feminine!And look at the way you talk...about fat/weird girls? Not a nice thing to say about people. What comes around goes around, you know. What makes the girl weird? And someone who is overweight can't be a loving and wonderful person? What, they have to look like a model or beauty queen? You feel bad if someone thinks you are weird having alopecia, but then you call other people weird or fat=ugly? Not nice dude. You have a lot of growing up to do. And of course look at all the guys who shave their heads. For the life of me, I cannot understand that! Don't call people names. Don't put labels on them. You don't like it done to you, so don't do it to others...remember the golden rule? No, you don't you are toooo young.

Grow up dude. Be a nice person. Don't put labels on people and look at them in a negative light. Don't expect to just find some drop dead gorgeous female, or she isn't worth your time. People have feelings, too. Not only YOU

Permalink Reply by Hannah on December 16, 2012 at 1:23am

No one is asking you to "lower your standards" for who you date. No one is asking you to "settle" for someone who is just "nice." They are simple reminding you that yes, there are some girls who may have a problem with the condition, but there are many girls who could care less if you have hair. Hair isn't everything, even if that is how it seems.

My standards for a guy certainly haven't lowered at all since I lost my hair, in fact the standards have risen since then. Just because not all the guys in my high school are dying to ask me out, doesn't mean I would say yes to just anyone.

And, if there is a guy who has a problem with me being bald, then to hell with him. I move on and I know there will be an awesome, good looking guy who will love me for who I am, hair or no hair.

I find it hard to believe 90% of the girls in the world will overlook you for being bald. I mean, there are a lot of men and women on this site who have no hair, just like you and me, and are in incredible relationships with awesome people.

Yes, this disease is frustrating. Yes, it's hard to stay positive. And yes, there are some who don't understand what we go through everyday. But, don't take it out on those who are trying to help you. Trust me, I did the same thing early on and you will regret it later

Permalink Reply by Hannah on December 16, 2012 at 1:26pm

How in the world is it a sin? I'm not saying my standards have risen in the sense of looks...that's not the only thing that matters to me.

And I still don't agree with your statistic. You are implying that hair is everything, which it's not. By saying it is, it's kind of insulting to many people on this site, including myself.

Permalink Reply by LilyBell*Murphy'sLawLuvsMe on December 16, 2012 at 7:18pm

I think Andre is just telling you 'his truth' as he experiences life. He finds girls his age over look him due to his alopecia - that is his truth. Also he wants a girl he finds attractive - there is nothing wrong with that. Everyone wants someone they find attractive, however they define that for themselves. Andre has said he works out and wants a female who also does so - I see nothing wrong with that. There are plenty of men who do not want to date a women who is overweight - and women who dont want to date a short man, or an overweight man, or a poor man etc. What one finds attractive just "is" - I dont think he should have to change his 'definition' just because he has alopecia. However, I do think that the pool of available females at his age may be less due to his alopecia - I am not saying that to be mean - it simply seems to be the way it is.

Permalink Reply by De-nise on June 27, 2012 at 12:00pm

Hey Andre,
at first here r lot of people (almost all) whom feel the same like u sometimes.
But i agree with the most people here. It's the attitude u have towards urself that makes the difference.

Furthermore i want to tell u that here in my town (i dun know how it is at urs) some men and boys shave their head because they WANT it. They wear the bald- or 1 mm hair head with confidence and girls like this. I know its hard to be confident, to show people that ur okay with who u r, espacially if there r people, who call u "ugly". They dun know it better. And they dun know U!

I know u want advices of men, but try to assume the advices of women, be brave and try to accept urself. There are less women who wants a men who hates himself.

Sure u can work on ur outside. But while ur doing this try accept urself.

Love Denise

Permalink Reply by Georgia Gardner on June 28, 2012 at 7:06am

My best friend thinks the same thing. He's 17 and has long, thick curly hair. Everyone thinks that. It sounds to me like you have it mostly together. The best advice I can give you is to play the long game. 16 year old girls are not the deepest of souls. I would try not to worry that you haven't found the one that's for you just yet.
It's good that you're doing what you can with heading to the gym and stuff, but don't over do it.
Btw, with the right diet and workout plan it doesn't take years to get in shape.

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