Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Avi on June 29, 2011 at 3:14pm

hahaha, alice - good point.

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Permalink Reply by Julie G on July 1, 2011 at 8:58am

I feel the same way, I have been telling guys before meeting in an email. Cuz I am not going to invest my time and my emotions if they aren't man enough.

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Permalink Reply by Ktownnana on July 1, 2011 at 11:56am

Julie, that is probably a good idea. I don't know if you watch "The Bachelorette", but it's sorta like the guy who wore the mask because he wanted Ashley to know his true self before revealing his face. Unfortuantely, she sent him home after seeing his face, but I don't know why. I thought he was very good looking and I thought it was kinda neat that he wore that mask. He wasn't the first one to go home though. Everyone is different.

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Permalink Reply by Tallgirl on June 28, 2011 at 7:20pm

If you tell in an e-mail or by phone, you can save a lot of time if the guy is a Dumper. Plus, you don't have to look him in the eyes or watch his body walking away. However, just how many times do you want to re-live that scenario? In retrospect, I wish I had just shown a shaved, not spotty, head privately to more men I was attracted to up front, before I wasted years, journeys, integrity and marriage costs! (Even though my hair was grown back during my twenties and marriage, when alopecia returned in my 30s, a long-haired secretary looked better to him!)

If you want the myth, just remember that every story will eventually reveal its heroes and villians!

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Permalink Reply by Lola on June 29, 2011 at 8:53am

This whole thing is so frustrating. I'm having trouble trying to get my wig to stay on - let alone tell people about it.

It's funny because i think when you are super confident about things it takes the mystique and shame away. But it's really hard to be that way when as a woman so much of your beauty (can feel) like it comes from your hair.

I think the most important thing is to do what makes you comfortable.

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Permalink Reply by Avi on June 29, 2011 at 3:13pm

this was all very helpful - thanks, everyone, for giving me your thoughts on this!

poppy - exactly. it's hard (for me) to feel attractive without the wig...but i feel weaker sometimes for using it.

whitney, if you want to talk more as you're also dealing with it currently, i'm around.

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Permalink Reply by R0BB on June 29, 2011 at 4:20pm

Hi Ramuk - Lets see here.

(1) how do you reconcile wanting to feel 'normal' but also not being deceptive?

" F " deceptive. I feel that youre being cautious BEFORE the fact to these strangers you havent met yet. Cautious is good .
If the newly discovered person makes you feel comfortable sharing your personal issues with them - then have at it . At your discretion.

Remember - Everyone has personal elements of thier life and selves . Everyone.


(2) do any other wig-wearers out there also feel like a weaker alopecian / outsider amongst alopecians for wearing a wig?

I personally have never wore a wig but I have , in the past wore hats , bandanas and sometimes used colored scalp concealer to hide the troubled spots.

I say wear whatever makes you feel better.
_____________________________________________________

From your picture there , seems like youd have no trouble in the looks department.

Have at it :)

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Permalink Reply by holyhairlossbatman!! on June 29, 2011 at 6:07pm

I am REALLY new to this- just about 2 months total. As it progresses, it looks like I may actually lose all of it. It is to the point that I am about ready to shave it. Anyway- I think disclosure is a very personal thing. What I mean is that it all depends on your own personal way of dealing with it. I mean if you met someone and first started dating, you wouldn't necessarily tell them immediately that you had high blood pressure....but again maybe you would if you were that type of person. When I first started covering, my daughter asked me what I would do if someone found out that I was wearing a wig? Would I be afraid to run in the wind with my wig on? How would I go swimming? What if someone saw it move and I had to shift it? Right then I knew for me that my only option was to not live in fear. I will not live in fear that someone sees my ugly patchy and almost bald head. If someone says my hair looks terrific, I say , "Thank you. It's a wig. I have medical hair loss." If someone says my hair looks different, I tell them, "Yes I have medical hair loss that I'm covering with wigs and I'm loving how much fun it is to experiment." I have wigs in blonde, red, and brown and have very short to very long styles and I wear different ones every day. I make it obvious that they can't possibly be the "hair" I had yesterday. For some reason, they feel more like hats to me. Is there anyone else that considers them more like hats than hair? I wake up and match my "hat" to my clothes and what I am doing that day just like it was a hat, scarf or earrings. Yes it totally sucks that I have to have a collection of hats, but there have been other medical issues in my life that have been so much more severe that they just don't compare. In fact, I may not take it this well if I hadn't had some of my other issues. Like some of the others on here, I agree that any insensitive idiot that makes your hair or lack there of an issue can go search for his bleached, silicone, and perfect babe in the Barbie isle right next to the My Little Ponies. Grow up to him! :0)

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Permalink Reply by Liz on August 19, 2011 at 8:08pm

I also like wearing different hats and wigs. I usually wear the same one or two wigs for about six weeks, and then change. I like to buy Forever Young brand wigs, which are in the $50 range, and I enjoy trying different ones.

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Permalink Reply by Lee on June 29, 2011 at 8:40pm

I always wait a couple dates to make sure the guy gets to know me first. It worked for me...Ive been with my fiance for 3 yrs. I definatly don't feel weaker for wearing a wig...I was born with hair, thats me! ; )

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Permalink Reply by Ktownnana on June 29, 2011 at 10:00pm

I waited months before I told (who is now my significant other) that I wore a wig. I remember the discussion vividly and I was honestly thinking when I told him that I'd never see him again. When I confessed to him that I wore a wig, he replied, "I wear a partial (dental plate)--does that make you feel any differently toward me?" He's a sweetheart and it doesn't bother him one bit. He even goes to my favorite wig shop with me and shows me what he likes. I still haven't had the nerve to let him see me without a wig and we've been seeing each other for over a year. I think when I'm able to look in the mirror and feel good about not having hair, then I'll let him see, but for now I'm still not that comfortable.

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Permalink Reply by Tallgirl on June 30, 2011 at 12:18pm

I think that part of all this is wanting to please the romantic interest...why else would you take him to the wig store? The problem comes when a partner can't accept you when you take your wig off...or is turned off by the alopecia and goes seeking a haired woman. I think it is better to find out such attitudes before years are spent with someone. An accepting man may be hard to find, but oh, so worth it!

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