'Sympathy' shave?

I have been shaving my head for so many years that I no longer remember what it was like to let my hair grow. Today, however, I told my alopecic and adorable fiancee, Cheryl Carvery, that I might allow my hair grow back. Strange thing is a few minutes ago I started feeling like I should continue shaving my head because Cheryl has alopecia. It's the weirdest feeling and it got me to thinking: How do people living with alopecia feel about their partners shaving their head for sympathetic reasons? Whether or not you have alopecia, I'd love to hear from you on this one.

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Permalink Reply by Vintino on January 8, 2009 at 2:11am
That's a very good question. If my girlfriend had alopecia I would shave my head for her if I thought that it would make her feel better. But I am the one with it and I would be very upset if I came home one day and she said "Look what I did for you!" But that's just me. I would have to say that the 'Sympathy' shave would depend on the person and whether the person was male or female.

I am a very strong individual and have never asked for sympathy from anyone. And I refuse it when it is offered. I even have a hard time taking compliments. If all of my friends and family shaved there heads.... I would probably pick on them and call them copycats. LOL And then say something like "Yep! I sure am a trend-setter!"

Years ago a friend of mine went through a fight with cancer. He was only six years old. He was a tough fighter and beat it. But he lost his hair during the fight. His twin brother made his mother (who is a hair dresser) shave his head. He also kept his head shaved until the treatments were over and his brother grew all of his hair back. That was a beautiful thing. I wouldn't call it a "Sympathy Shave" though. I would have to call it a "Love Shave".

I just have a problem with the word "Sympathy"

Thanks for the topic rj!
Permalink Reply by rj, Co-founder on January 9, 2009 at 4:32am
Vintino, I'm not sure when the word (and idea of?) "sympathy" fell into disrepute, but I like the expression "love shave." ;-)
Permalink Reply by Jennifer on January 8, 2009 at 2:20am
Hey RJ, Well for me it t hink it is cool for some one to shave thier head to raise awareness or money forAlopeica. But to leave it not so much. At least for guys that shave thiers head it it is no big deal most of the time. I figure if you have hair and want to grow it do it. I motto is if you got it flaunt it. Hair, curves, personality, what ever it is. Hair is an accessorie. It doenst make who you are. It is extra fluff on your head that keeps you warm. Thats why i perfer mine in a purple knit beenie.
Permalink Reply by rj, Co-founder on January 9, 2009 at 4:44am
Great point, Jennifer: Hair IS an accessory, not a necessity, and it does NOT make us who we are. Unfortunately, in this pro-hair world of ours, most people seem to be convinced otherwise and thus often react to alopecic and bald people, especially women, as though they're freakish mutations conceived in the infamous laboratory of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. In light of this cold and callous reality, wouldn't it also be "cool" to shave one's head to show solidarity with as well as support of one's most intimate and beloved companion, and not just to "raise awareness or money for alopecia (research)?"
Permalink Reply by Rose Marie' on January 8, 2009 at 5:15am
Hi RJ

I've talked to my daughter about this a couple of times. If it was to raise money etc. she thinks it's cool. But if it's done to support her specifically she's not so cool about it. She doesn't have a choice to have hair or not and for someone to say I'm taking away my hair because you don't have any makes her feel really uncomfortable. I get where she is coming from but for me personally I think if you communicate why you are doing what you are doing to the person with alopecia you will be able to discuss it further and come to a resolution that's suits the two people involved. I don't believe everyone would feel as my daughter does.

Take care

Rosy
Permalink Reply by rj, Co-founder on January 9, 2009 at 4:48am
Rose Marie, thanks for sharing your daughter's thoughts on this matter. Of course, I'd pose the same question to her as I just asked Jennifer. Besides, the greatest awareness that one can raise is public knowledge of one unfathomable and undying love for another human being, right? ;-)
Permalink Reply by gerald on January 8, 2009 at 5:17am
I wear my hair long and my pretty bald au wife likes it on me. Who says the man of a bald woman has to also be bald?
Permalink Reply by rj, Co-founder on January 9, 2009 at 4:53am
Of course, Gerald, the intimate partner of an alopecian doesn't have to be bald, although I certainly believe that greater love hath no one than to lay down his life and, if the need arises, his hair for his friend and love of his life. :-)
Permalink Reply by rj, Co-founder on January 9, 2009 at 5:05am
JeezLouse, the reason I placed the word "sympathy" in quotes in title of this forum discussion is I knew it would solicit reactions. As I suggested in my reply to Jennifer, for me personally, real "sympathy" is more about showing solidarity than feeling sorry for someone. That is, I only used the phrase "sympathy shave" because it's in vogue and would serve as an effective conversation starter; not because I intended to suggest that I'd ever shave my head with an "Oh, poor Cheryl-the-alopecian" attitude. Perhaps you already understand this, but I just wanted to clarify. :-)
Permalink Reply by Rachel H. on January 8, 2009 at 7:03am
I think if it were my very FIRST time loosing all of my hair, it would be a really wonderful gesture of friendship, love and support! The longer I have it, the less of a big deal it is.... and this is coming from an alopecian (me) who lost her hair over 16 months ago. Everyone's feelings vary, and everyone deals with Alopecia differently. If my husband clued me in that the only reason he shaved his hair was for my sake, I would be touched, but at this stage of the game, I would let him know I wouldn't be offended in the least bit if he wanted to let his hair grow and try different styles! After all, I get to switch my wigs as often as I can afford to!
Permalink Reply by rj, Co-founder on January 9, 2009 at 5:16am
Rachel, you words perfectly express my heart and motivation. Like everything I try to do for Cheryl, continuing to shave my head bald would be nothing more or less than "a really wonderful gesture of friendship, love and support!" Like you, she's "touched," but she also wouldn't be offended in the least were I to allow my hair to grow back. Which means my reticence is not due to anything on her part, but due solely to my own visceral sense of oneness with her: At this stage in our nearly two-year-old love relationship, I really can't explain why, but I just feel like I should stay with the bald look simply because I love her so. :-)
Permalink Reply by rj, Co-founder on January 9, 2009 at 5:21am
Sandy, thank you very much for such kind and encouraging words. Like Rachel H., you know my heart all too well. You're hilarious, too. :-)

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