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When to introduce a wig and how to a young child?
Dear friends
When do you introduce a wig and how to a young child? I have a 3 year old daughter with AT since the age of one. She asks everyday about her hair, and if she can have it. I explain as good as I can that she is beautiful anyway and that her hair is "asleep", and she says "ok" and starts playing with toys. She is an outgoing girl and a happy kid. I want her to accept her self as the beauty she is with or without hair. Thats the main goal so she get used to being her. But I also want to tell her that she have the opportunity to have hair in a nice and comfy wig. In Norway kids under 18 years get two costume made wigs per year, fully refunded by the government. My family and my husband says its ok to get one soon just to play with and get used to that she have the oportunity to have hair and not stared at all the time. Her friends and family are used to her without hair, but I see that she does not like people stearing on a buss and in the city. But as my mum says; she must handle the stears, cause people will always stear. As I said I do not want to get her to feel as she have to hide her AT. I want her to bee confident, and happy with her sweet bald head, but I also know that she is a girl and girls most often want to have wig in the end anyway. Does anyone have any experience with young child and wigs? My hairdresser has AT her self and recommended a Foella Gripper Sport length 6 for my daughter. It looked so natural and even comfy.
Mum of child with AT
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by leah on
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Think everyone has good advise and if ever able to maybe try to take her to one the annual AA conference/retreat meetups. There are other children with and maybe support for. Plus she can see other people with.
Best!
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PS look up local support groups and maybe some of videos on this site and others. So she can see healthy people with. Also explain how she is lucjy can pick what color she likes and everyone is unique!
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Permalink Reply by Rose Marie' on
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Hi
I answered this post in the 'children's group', but thought I would add my input here as well.
Hi Matica
This is always a bit of a conundrum for parents and children. My daughter lost her hair when she was 12 years old she is now 23....she has AU(currently).
My personal thoughts around when the best time to introduce hair for your child is when it is right for you and them. I would feel your daughter is still a little young and this maybe a passing fancy, a 'Hatwithhair' maybe a nice alternative until she and you decide you want something that works for her on a few more lifestyle levels. In saying that I also think you know your child better than anyone else in this world, so if you feel a wig is going to be helpful for her, don't hold back, trust yourself and do what you feel.
In my experience with my daughter, her wig wearing has been extremely helpful in her journey with alopecia. I never wanted alopecia to define my daughter, but I also wanted her to understand it was a very important part of being who she is, never to be denied or hidden....sometimes this takes time at certain times of childrens development. Wearing a wig or any type of headcovering does not mean that your daughter is not going to accept she has alopecia....she already understand she has no hair...it's the socialisation around this fact that is the challenge.
Keep talking to your daughter and you will work out what you feel is the right thing to do for you both. Reading your post I understand without a doubt that you are doing a great job with your daughter (your a good mum)...keep trusting you and this can only work out for you both well.
Another thing you may like to do is contact the Norwegian Alopecia Support group (children). I have met with the families and children that attend - they are really lovely. The Norwegian Groups, are split into three age groups, children, young adult and adult. I would feel your daughter may feel very supported and cared for in that environment, beautiful parents and children attend.
If I can help further please feel free to message me.
Rosy
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Hi
I just wanted to also add I have a lot of experience with children and wigs. I look after Freedom Wig wearers in New Zealand and have had the good fortune to visit Scandinavia on many occasions. Also, (of course), my own personal experience with my daughter.
I feel it is up to you, you will sort this out to suit what is best for you both. Take your time and don't feel pressured to do anything. Contact the support group in Norway and talk to those parents. I'm really happy to put you in touch with the leaders of the children's group in Norway (really lovely family) if you can't find their contact details.
Take your time, because you have plenty.
Rosy
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Permalink Reply by kdeff on
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My daughter is 3 also, and we got her a wig this year. She is always talking about it so we decided to do it. For almost a month she didn't want to wear it, which was fine. Then one day she decided to wear it. She loves to wear it to school every day, even though she takes it off at some point during the day. We leave it up to her every day as to what she wants to do, trying to build her self-confidence.i hope that she feels free to always make decisions about her hair herself :)
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Permalink Reply by JEANETTE on
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My daughter was diagnosed with Alopecia universalis and that was when she turned 5 with hair thinning day by day. It was very hard at first because she was getting her hair done with mom at the salon. Always nail salons etc. When she was diagnosed she had very long lengthy hair and she was in pre kinder. As her hair was falling within the ending if the school year,This is when she started to realize it was completely falling. She was depressed but i took her to Macy's and had them give her a makeup....makeover~Those free samples to cheer her up and make her beautfiful. I asked her if she understood what was happening she said yes, my hair is falling, then few moments after, she admitted she was scared. I made sure she had many friends and family members around her that always told her she was beautiful, and we love u for you not your hair. Summer came and went. School started and the moment came she was bald. I was scared for her and concerned. I spoke with school principle and teachers in hopes of getting my point across, and had some that helped and others that were ignorant to the matter! Either way, i realized something very important while i was attempting to get help from the school staff. "That mommy wont always be there to fight her battles" sometimes or at some moment some one will say something hurtful, and i cant protect her from such a world of ignorant people! She has to defend herself eraly on! After i fought all summer to get a wig for her by September. I wanted her to enter that class with hair! At the same time i realized i cant have her use wig as a cruch! If some bully takes it off and uses what she has against my daugher, making my daughter a target for kids to get at her then she will live a life of depression and insecurities. I cant have that! So with a wig in my hand and preparing my daughter for Kindergaten, i sent her off, with my heart in my mouth! I was concerned all day at work!
As it turns out, she said everyone was great except two of her old friends from the year before. They told her she was ugly now with no hair and dont want to play with her. They told her while teacher wasnt looking and hurt my daughters feelings. Please keep in mind i told her should anything happen tell your teacher, she replied i dont want to b a tattle tell. Now i see why she didnt want to go to teachers with it. To make my baby feel better after 1st day of school i asked her a simple question?..
"How many people hurt your feelings and called you ugly?" She replied, "2, I SHOWED HER WITH MY HAND WITH 2-FINGERS UP! I
asked her how many SAID YOU WERE "BEAUTIFUL, FUN, AND LOVED YOU!" SHE SAID 10! LOL, I TOLD HER NAME THEM, SHE SAID FAMILY NAMES, I SAID DO PEOPLE IN SCHOOL, FRIENDS AND ADULTS SAY YOUR BEAUTIFUL "SHE SAID YEAH I FORGOT THEM" I SAID WOW THIS IS HOW MANY, FLASHING MY FINGERS AND HANDS MULTIPLE TIMES, JUST AS A CHILD HER AGE WOULD UNDERSTAND!
I SAID WELL. THEIR ARE SO MANY MORE THAN THE ONES THAT DONT! I TOLD HER IF YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE NOT PLAYING WITH THEM DONT! I ALSO TOLD HER WHEN THEY SEE WITH YOUR OTHER FRIENDS HOW MUCH FUN YOU ARE THEY WILL COME TO YOU, GIVE THEM TIME!
IT HURTS HER BECAUSE LAST SCHOOL YEAR, THEY WERE HER BEST FRIENDS, THEY DIDNT ACCEPT HER WHEN SHE CAME BACK. HOWEVER NOW I SEE THOSE INDIVIDUALS THAT DO APPROACH HER, SHE STANDS UP FOR HERSELF! I NEVER KNEW MY 5 YEAR OLD WAS SO STRONG, AND WITH NO CARES IN THE WORLD-PLAYS!
Just be very observant, kids will say things at spur of the moment! I noticed one kid in playground calling her baldy! Another was a friends Birthday, that told the other kids "Dont play with her she has no hair!" So the other children played among themselves and shut her out of group. I approached the children and said how bout if others did that to you!? Then approached the parents. However it only helps when you have supportive parents as well, because those parents were shocked to know their kids would do such things to my child!
Im happy with my daughters strength, she will need it, because their will be a time im not looking, nor a teacher or family member. She will stand alone but with strength! We use wig on occassions, however for school she doesnt use it! Picture day she did, and was picked on by the 2 kids, but i told her reply to them, well i can change my style or color wig at anytime, you cant!
Everyone else loved her style and class! Feed into that, i have slumber parties for her, making her popular by her character alone, because she is always smiling-happy, and filled with so much love toawrds all. Im here to make sure that no one takes those things that make her beautiful away from her!
I have her involved in promoting Alopecia awareness, in N.J for Rutgers University. Told her now your a supermodel, she is loving it! They have her doing another student project working on Documentary, Alopecia! It keeps her busy, and i told her maybe you can help another little girl or boy that has the same condition. She's happy to help other kids like her!
My objective of having her go to school with no wig was extremely difficult as a mother! I wanted her to love herself before becoming dependent on a wig. second to have her realize people love her for who she is, not what she wears. She needs to feel comfortable in her own skin, right?! Also please the most important of all things, remember, the best weapon you can give your daughter is "KNOWLEDGE, OF WHAT SHE HAS, WHAT WILL HAPPEN, AND TO STAY STRONG NO MATTER WHAT ANYONE SAYS" THERE WILL BE MOMENTS YOU HAVE TO REMIND HER BUT, REMIND HER BY INTRODUCING KIDS, THAT LOST LIMBS OR CHILDREN WHO ARE BLIND, OR DEAF! SHE WILL REALIZE SHE IS NOT ALONE, AND IT CAN BE SO MUCH WORSE!
STAY STRONG AND HANG IN THERE!! ALWAYS ASK ABOUT HER FEELINGS AND WHAT HAPPEND TODAY, TO KEEP LINES OF COMMUNICATION OPEN ALWAYS WITH MOM!
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Permalink Reply by Moni on
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What I did was buy my girl a wig at age 4. Spend about $150 and when we walked out the store, she ran down the mall and threw it up in the air! She never wore it. Her hair has regrown all 7 times not completely because the front and eyebrows never came back, yet. Last year she was a given a very expensive wig from Men's Hair Club in Beverly Hills. She wore it coming out of the store and wore it once to church. It's still in the box. Right now, she's 9, she is bald as we are seeing a new doctor and trying the DNCB and he told us not to do Prednisone for shedding anymore. So, like I said, she's completely bald and still doesn't cover it up. No hats, caps, beenies. Nothing. It's super duper hard for me, and her dad, but I'm speaking on my behalf that I did encourage her 1,000 of times to cover up by saying, "You know you still have the wig", "want a new hat?", etc. To all my requests or petitions, she said, "No thanks!". I think you should buy it, if and when she wants to wear it good for her. Like I told my daughter, "Momma, it's not a secret but I don't want anyone hurting your feelings." I tend to get really upset to the point of cursing and saying bad things. She is the one teaching me how to be strong and don't care so much about rude people who don't smile. Obviously the stares won't go away, but SMILE. Good luck.
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Permalink Reply by Anne Katrine Fimreite Fortes on
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Hello:) i am also from norway and live in oslo. i have two children with alopecia totalis. my son filipe is soon 9 years old. last year he wanted a wig and we ordered a wig for him. this was the first time he ever said anything about this. after 3 months we got the wig, and he has never had it on. but we listend to his wishes. we think he looks much better without the wig:) our daughter is 5 years old and she went totalis in october this year. she wanted to buy a wig and we ordered a follea wig. the wig looks great on her. she uses it now and then, but mainly not. she likes that she can choose when or were she can put on her hair. she sometimes says it iches and that she get warm on her head. she is happy with the wig, and we never pushes her to put it on. it is up to her. look on god morgen norge kl07.35 tomorrow. me and my daugther will be there with the wig to talk about alopecia and wigs for kids. tonje and linn are selling follea wigs and they will be on tv around 08.10 to tell more about the wigs. they both have Lopecia and tried many different wigs. hilsen anne
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Hi Anne:)
What a great reportage on TV2. So brave kids and so natural ways of handling this diagnosis. The hairdresser just got my daughter a wig the week before you went on television. Such a wonderful lady with the experience we need to guide us through these steps. So thank full for the openness about alopecia in Norway. Maybe we see you and your kids on a arrangement by Landsforeningen for Alopecia.
Big hugs from me
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Hello again:) Beklager jeg er så sein med å svare! Yes i like to think that if we are open about alopecia and let people know about it, then it will be bether for our kids. We are waiting for a new wig now in a couple of weeks. So exited. Olivia used to have alot of curls, so that is what we have ordered now:) Hope to see on one of the arrangements. Does your daughter like her wig? Hugs
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Hello
I watched the TV interview with your daughter on the morning show in Norway....she is a cute wee girl and you are a very good mum!
I just thought I would put some personal things here that I wrote a couple of week ago on a thread about wig wearing. It was answering another ladies post .... I hope it helps a little.
Hi Carmen
Truly, what great advise. I have never really put what I am going to say next out in to Alopecia World but I think in light of your comments it may be appropriate.
Before my daughter wore Freedom as a family we did a lot of work around her wants on dealing with her alopecia. For approximately four/5 months she wore bandanas, hats or nothing (she was 12 at the time). This was a challenging time for us all, but I would never take it back as it helped Libby to learn to talk about her alopecia, educate those around her and fully get that she no longer had hair. It was a grieving and growing process that I would recommend to all families. During this time she decided that a wig was going to be of assistance for her. She got very tired of the questions and the constant attention about her hairloss. She wanted the choice to be annonymous and tell people when she felt comfortable.
When she got her first Freedom wig all those years ago she was in transition over our summer vacation to her new high school... she got use to her Freedom Wig then went off to school. She turned 13 and desperately wanted to hide her alopecia. I supported her through this choice but kept communicating to her about how that was going for her. After six months she realised it was not working for her to hide her alopecia made her wig the focus of everything and caused anxiety in her life. She came to me and we discussed alternatives to what she was doing. We decided to talk to her class and give her as much education and support on how to deal with this as possible.
I also fully immersed my daughter in the alopecia community in NZ...it became the norm for her as she continually met people dealing well with their alopecia. I feel personally very blessed by the people I have met and the help they have given me around Libby's alopecia. So, I fully agree with meeting others and going to meetings etc.
Libby is now coming up 23 years old. She became a prefect at her school everyone knew about her alopecia and her want to wear her wig and totally accepted that was alright (of course there were challenges through the years, but nothing that has caused any major upset). She has gone on to get a medicinal chemistry degree and a post graduate degree in Teaching. She has just finished her first year of teaching chemistry to 13 - 18 year old boys at an all boys school, with over 2,000 pupils.
All the staff and her boys know that she has alopecia (they are well educated about it). She chooses to wear different wigs and different looks. She finds her wig wearing fun and empowering. She runs and excercises and sometimes she doesn't bother with her wig....it's all about choice and this is just a choice on how you want to look. Nothing really to do with who you are.
I personally think people look pretty damn fab without hair, but not all want to be without hair and many do not want their lack of hair to be the defining feature in the public arena. So, headcoverings of any sort can be helpful, but of course never imperative.
Rosy
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Thank you Rose Marie:)
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