Alopecia World
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Wigs are ok, bald is ok, and anything in between
I am not sure if this is a rant, or what, but lately I have come into some comments that really really bother me. I have been wearing wigs for years, and when I got started, I was scared to death. Finally, I got used to it, ignored the comments from people about my hair falling out...bald spots, you name it. People mean well, but being told I am shedding isn't something I didn't know about. No, really, I already knew, but thank you so much. When I finally got used to wearing wigs, one day they just became fun, even a fashion statement. Now they are a (albeit necessary) part of my wardrobe. I can change colors and styles to match my outfit. I got past all the hateful comments and, dare I say, bullying, about losing my hair. Yes, people can be mean when they don't understand.
The cool part is that a long time ago quit being private about losing my hair, and it's been awesome the women (and men) I have met who want to talk to me on occasion about what they are going through. It gives you such an incredible way to share, and meet new people, and share inspiration back and forth.
Now we are evolving again, with people going bald on purpose, this is incredible, awesome too! Unfortunately, I am starting to get comments again from people I know who suffer hair loss (and some who don't). I have to take issue with some of these comments I get because I choose not to go bald. I have received some pressure from people, (almost?) hurtful, even close to bullying, all over again, because I want to wear wigs. Personally, it feels almost as bad as it did when my hair started falling out. Maybe it's just a self conscious trigger that is constantly trying to heal. I just wish people would leave me alone and stop trying to tell me that I am weak or closed minded because I don't want to change, I do change! Every day, sometimes more than once a day, lol.
I think women who want to go bald are awesome, and strong! But those (men too, sorry) who chose not to are walking a path that requires just as much strength and self worth. It does NOT matter to me where you are on this continuum, you gotta do what's right for you. Just remember that we are not all the same, please?
Thanks for listening. You are all just flat out amazing.
--Cat
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Rosiel on
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Nice post! Thanks for sharing! I remember I went to surgery too and I asked my doctor if I could wear my wig and he said to me: you can wear whatever you feel comfortable with except make up. I was so happy because you are not supposed to wear anything due to bacteria or hygiene. And yes I dont like to be seen without a wig and I don't feel ashamed to admit it because its my personal decision.
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Hi freinds,
is there anyone that could understand Me? Sureyi... For one year and a half I am wearing wigs. I hate them, they are very unconfortable, warm in summer, I can hardly bear them, I wear them just for work. Than I am happy to throw it off and at home I wear knitten caps or cloths, terrible. Even at night I wear light cotton caps, my husband is mustnot to see me without, he always says it is due to some inflammation, which does NOT exist, we know! But he is more than upset to hear that it is due to stress, he says it claims that he is at fault!
Nowadays he told our marriage is finished. Yes, we are married for 32 years, before he had an old mate but I did not know that se was bald. He told he had nothing common with her any more. And now he has nothing common with mie. One and a half year ago I shaved off my rest hait, some days later he left me alone in holidays and went home for one day on the day of our 31. anniversary of marraige. The he came back the next day. This year, that I cannot go anywhere as I get weird ramarks all the time, exactly on the 32. anniversary of our marriage he went away for 5 days for the town we always used to travel for holidays. He not even called me by phone on that day! And now that he is not successful in bed he claims me to be at fault. He says it is over now... Yes, I have already heard this 33 years ago as he left her old mate that was bald and surely was not attractive enogh for him. Thanks!!!! So, freinds, be careful, males are driven by their manhood. Bald women always remain lonely, do not forget!
Best regard, with love, Sue
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Dear friend, so sorry to tell you that your problem is not being bald or having alopecia, the problem I can see is there is no more love in your marriage and also i perceive low self esteem on you.
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Permalink Reply by Solange De Santis on
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In my 19 years with AU, I've done the whole spectrum. First four years - wig or scarves. Then decided to get eyebrows tattooed (which I highly recommend) and go au naturel, feeling I had no need to be ashamed of the way I look and that I could feel beautiful just the way I am. I did everything - appeared on TV, applied for and got a pretty high-level job at a non-profit, socialized, etc, as a hair-free woman for about 14 years. Now, though, I have a high-level corporate job where looking "different" wouldn't be appropriate. And I have been unsuccessful at dating. Guy praised my "courage" and "spirit" but lack of hair seemed to be an issue in the romance department, especially when one is 60+. So now I have $500 hair. Looks very nice but boy is it itchy and uncomfortable. So when you have alopecia, it's not necessarily one decision all the time. Do what works for you.
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Dear Solange,
good for you! You are young, but I am almost 55, i.e. old and ugly. my husband hates me, he thinks he is unsuccessful in bed because of me. Well, he is almost 70. And he hates me, he takes me for nothing. He left his mate 33 years ago (she was bald and 19 years older than him) and now he says our marraige is over, he cannot stand me. He is mentally ill, I am sure. He can accept only what is perfect. He is ridiculous I think.
The problem is that we are working together for more than 28 years and I cannot go anywhere now. I an far too old to get a job now, even 10 years ago it was impossible, now it is much worse. There is no way forther. If you have some experiences like this, you can have any opinion,. But remember, bald women always stayalone for the rest of her life!
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That is not true. Is you are alone is your own decision. And by the way, I don't know what are you doing with that guy that not only hates you but make you feel so insecure about yourself! I understand the financial issue but jesus Christ you need to get away from that man! He is putting you down and you don't deserve that! Anyway try to fix your life in a better way but if I were you I would go away as soon as I can.
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Hello Sue,
You seem very depressed. It is affecting your outlook. I have significant hair lose from Alopecia Areata and I also am with a great man and have been for 2 years. He's a wonderful guy who loves me for the amazing women I am and not the amount of hair I have on my head. There out there. Ditch your husband or get some therapy to help yourself with being able too. You own half the business whether your working there or not. You will receive half the money he makes whether you are with him or not. I would change the house locks on his next business trip and file. Good luck cheer up. I am sure you have alot if wonderful things about you that someone out there will appreciate and cherish. Good luck and best wishes.
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Permalink Reply by Larry Barbee on
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I agree with you, Cat,
I used to wear wigs as well as going bald and I wouldn't have liked being told what I should or shouldn't do. If I want to wear wigs again, I'll do so and no one is going to tell I can't.
Be yourself and just ignore those who try to impose their point of view on you.
God bless,
Larry
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Permalink Reply by Colere on
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Thank you for this post! I started wearing a wig about two months ago and since my hair loss has increase (just a coincidence). I am seriously thinking about shaving my head. I'm tired of hiding and pretending. I am concerned about some of the comments I might receive but I have to do what's right for me. I have to admit I am somewhat curious to know what my head looks like. Hair loss is a very person journey and each of us experiences it in different ways. You are right, bald is ok and wigs are ok. It's what every makes us feel more empowered.
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Permalink Reply by Rach1992 on
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Thank you. YES. I have a love-hate relationship with the fact that I wear wigs everyday. It is my safety blanket but it makes it just that much harder when I go on a first and then second date with a guy I like where I reveal that I'm truly bald and he suddenly visibly stops being attracted to me. It's hurtful and shitty. Being bald in general is hard, especially as a woman, however you go about dealing with it. My one AU friend always seems to give me shit that I wear wigs every day and I don't enjoy that.
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Permalink Reply by Alo-mom on
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When you get to be my age you find out who your real friends are and a real friend will never make you feel bad about your decisions. Yes of course if you make decisions to trip an old lady then they will and should make you feel bad about this decision. I think you need to surround yourself with people who like and love you for wearing a wig if that is what makes you feel comfortable. I truly believe that having a strong and sincere support system with Alopecia is critical. I know that as a mother of a daughter with AU, it was my girlfriends and husband that held me tight and told me my daughter will be alright and she will have a wonderful life just like anyone else. I might add, she has amazing friends and boyfriend and a great job. She also has a mother that worked very hard to find her the most amazing human hair wigs. I actually went to China and went to factories to make this happen, Find the right people to be around and this will help I promise.
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I agree. There are a lot of people all around you who would be a true friend and supportive. I just want everyone with alopecia (whatever kind), male or female to be happy. If wearing wigs makes you happy wear them; if going bald makes you happy then do that; and if doing both makes you happy then do that.
I know it sounds like a silly simple to say, but you can choose to be happy. I find God helps me to have the courage to do what makes me happy. I'm not trying to preach just offering an example of what has successfully worked for me.
God bless,
Larry
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