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Windy trip, feeling down
I'll be going on a trip down by the Columbia river, where it is always quite windy, some of my husbands friends will be down there, nice people but I don't feel close to them. I should be going wig shopping instead, but may go when I get back. My husband unfortunately is not understanding of my AA, when I've tried to bring up feeling like I'm getting close to shaving and wearing a wig, he either doesn't comment at all, or says something like "I thought you already had a wig?" I bought a wig several years ago, it matched my hair color then and style, if I were to put it on now, no one would question that it was a wig, I would like to find a wig that looked super natural similar to my hair now, but I'm sure that everyone feels that way right? I wish that I could just go on this trip and enjoy it, but between my lack of hair, and supper dry eyes (I have dry eye syndrome) I'm dreading it. I guess I'll be inside the RV or wearing a hat all the time? I don't have any eyebrows left, and lost some of my eyelashes, I don't have much hair on arms or legs, so wondering if that means AU? Wish I could feel better about this right now, I've told some coworkers about it and my impending "shave and be done with it" plan, mainly because I don't want to show up one day at work with a wig, and have everyone divert their eyes not wanting to comment or feeling bad for me and embarrassed. If I didn't work I think it would be better, I'd feel like less like others would notice right off. This is so hard. I would like to hear from others that have been where I'm at right now? I don't really have anyone who truly understands except all of you.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Tallgirl on
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Wow! You have saved it all up for one GIANT session, eh? Okay...I am home, unemployed with no gas money, so this is my entertainment and mission. I will give it a try, but I will have to break it up to do so.
"I'll be going on a trip down by the Columbia river, where it is always quite windy, some of my husbands friends will be down there, nice people but I don't feel close to them. I wish that I could just go on this trip and enjoy it, but between my lack of hair, and supper dry eyes (I have dry eye syndrome) I'm dreading it. I guess I'll be inside the RV or wearing a hat all the time?"
I noticed my contacts never stayed in my eyes on a trip to Colorado years ago, and when they also popped out during my son's Little League season, the doc said women's eyes age and get dry faster than men's. So, I ditched the contacts, and now try to stay indoors a lot. I can see where a windy Colombia River trip would be hard on eyes, skin and even normal hair. But companionship, husband relationships and fun are also at stake here, so either have a great goodbye dinner to send off hubby while you plan YOUR kind of vacation at the same time with your comfortable friends (including a great wig-shopping trip, maybe by train to a bigger city? Come down to Sacramento, with 2 good wig studios and lots to see!), bring a friend to stay in the RV with you (female), or grin and "bare" it in one big bold resolution. Take waterproof make-up to decorate your shaved head in case the doo-rag and Gore-tex sun hat (At fishing and camping stores. Cord at chin keeps it on, waterproof.) slide off your head...and get silly and matter-of-fact about the alopecia. It is YOUR life, and your call. If hubby is embarrassed by you or too cheap to get you hats and wigs, or won't defend you and forsake all others, then he isn't following those marriage vows. Keep the boxed wine and beer cans handy for the campfire meal. Bring eye drops and sunglasses.
"I should be going wig shopping instead, but may go when I get back. My husband unfortunately is not understanding of my AA, when I've tried to bring up feeling like I'm getting close to shaving and wearing a wig, he either doesn't comment at all, or says something like "I thought you already had a wig?" "
See the above. Nuff said on hubby. Who's wearing the dress in this family, anyway, huh? HUH???? :)
"I bought a wig several years ago, it matched my hair color then and style, if I were to put it on now, no one would question that it was a wig, I would like to find a wig that looked super natural similar to my hair now, but I'm sure that everyone feels that way right?"
Not necessarily. I was born sandy-haired and turned brunette as I grew up, but wear blond, red and brown wigs now...some two- to three-toned or rooted. Who the hell cares? I can still live, eat, laugh, love, work, paint...so can you, even if bald! Just find something that reflects who you WANT to be, or what makes you feel sexy, fun, stylish or professional and that still goes with your face, glasses, wardrobe, skin tone and budget.
"I don't have any eyebrows left, and lost some of my eyelashes, I don't have much hair on arms or legs, so wondering if that means AU?"
Maybe. You'll still live. I had AU once, AT now. See Oprah's eyebrow-artist's tips online. I use eyebrow powder by Cl*n*que (There. I didn't spell out the whole company name, AW. Ha!), and can apply it with ease now. You may choose the waterproof crayon-type for yourself. You'll have to talk to someone else about lashes. I still have mine, and use at least powdered eyeliner on days I don't have time to do lashes.
"Wish I could feel better about this right now, I've told some coworkers about it and my impending "shave and be done with it" plan, mainly because I don't want to show up one day at work with a wig, and have everyone divert their eyes not wanting to comment or feeling bad for me and embarrassed. If I didn't work I think it would be better, I'd feel like less like others would notice right off."
Hey, it's none of anyone's dang business what you decide to do to cope with your own unexpected condition. Who could possibly fault you for doing the best you can, to feel the best you can, within your salary? You do not tell someone how to take their appendix out or choose cancer treatment, or when to grow a distinguished white beard, eh? It is your body, your choice. Those who judge or ridicule think THEY are God(s), and are not taking the logs out of their own eyes. That leap to shave or even just trim to a short 1/2" of hair may have to be made eventually, but why put it off in this summer heat? Take the plunge with your new wig choice ready to plop on, get that mall cosmetic counter free makeover (or have a friend great at make-up show you some tricks), and take the gals out on the town. How about inviting the supportive coworkers for a dinner after work on the day you wear the new wig? The anticipation of the restaurant outing will keep smiles and energetic talk going all day at work. Once other coworkers know you favor the positive folk, maybe they will take the hint and be supportive as well. If YOU feel fab in your new choice and smile about it all day, they will have to follow your lead so THEY don't look stupid! By the way, I was afraid to ask this GORGEOUS Little-League mom with long hair to show me her Av*n eyebrow techniques...which meant revealing my alopecia to potentially the whole town if she talked...and not only did she keep my secret, but we became good friends!
There's my 2 cents. Whew. Let me know what you decide!
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Permalink Reply by Lexi on
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Tallgirl, rock on. We all wish we could be so confident. I am with Christine. I feel her pain. My hubby not very interested or supportive. I am terrified to even attempt to wear a wig to work. I have so many, and I truly feel better about myself with one on, but then also self conscious when I go to the same places I have been for years with my own scraggly locks. Yes, working is a huge issue and catty co-workers. No compassion, no empathy. Yes, no one really does understand except for people on this site. But we all cope very differently. We all either have or do not have a supportive group of people in our lives. I always dread the windy days. The wig is all a mess and really screams I am wearing a wig. But Christine, it is also 90+ degrees here now. I could see myself not only ruining a nice wig with sweat, and the sweat pouring down my face.....nice visual.
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Permalink Reply by Christine on
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Lexi, thanks so much for the kind words. So good to know I'm not alone in my thoughts, especially about the work situation, I almost feel better that I've told most of my coworkers, because in some strange way I feel like they do understand, and I'm feeling braver about it, I knew that people would know something was different, and I'd rather they knew the truth I guess, I do work with healthcare workers and I think that is a blessing! Do you work with people you feel close to? If so consider sharing your concerns, I was surprised at the support I've gotten, one day at work I tucked my hair behind my ear and one of my coworkers noticed that it really showed my Alopcia, she reached over and fixed it for me, supper sweet like, made me feel good, like she was watching out for me. All in all I'm feeling stronger about getting a permanent solution, I'm thinking about looking into the gripper wigs, I'll let everyone know what I decide, the trip was a bit hard on me, I still have two more days down here, at first I wore my hoodie with the hood up, but since then I just let it go, the wind is bad, but unless it's horrid I have not covered it agIn, tried a scarf, which helped too. My husband is coming around, I think he finially sees my pain, he saw how self conscious I've been, as we were walking to the pool, I said, can I get my hair now, cause I'm so done with this, and he said yes, do what you want, a vig step for him, I'm sorry to be at this place, but in a strange way I'm glad, I'm sick of the way I've felt every time I've gone into a losing phase, never knowing where or when it will stop.
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Permalink Reply by Vesselsong on
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Christine, Alopecia is one of those illnesses that many people cannot identify with, unless they themselves have dealt with it personally. I find that a lot of people blow you off and just think you should get over it. They can't seem to get why one can get down about losing their hair. If one thing Alopecia is teaching me, is to be attentive to others' issues no matter how small I perceive they are. I do have a few friends who are very supportive, but there are times when I feel they don't want to hear about it. I am learning more and more to take it to God in prayer. Encouraging myself through Bible has never failed me yet. Keep looking up - God is looking down!
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Permalink Reply by AnGeL on
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Hey christine u havnt looked into a partial wig? Since u have most ur hair on top it would look even better! Have u tried tape extensions? Im not sure how much u have but iv seen very thin hair look good with them and it doesnt damage it if taken off right! I would also juz get a cute snug fitting hat that u dnt have to worry bout flying off! And also if i were u i wouldnt talk to people at work of ur hairloss if u think there judging u i would keep that only with close friends i been wearing wigs for 2 years now and i have never told anyone! Keep in mind im a hairstylist so its like double the magnifying glass on my hair! I could telll them but i dont think its noones business! Try not to stress!! Ive been living (trying) a calmer life im trying to not stress off lil things and focus on caring for my baby and now imgrowing all my hair back ilike 85% and i see my brows and lashes coming back so it could happen! So try n be happy it is only hair ;)
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Permalink Reply by Ktownnana on
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Aimee, I was wondering about those hats with hair. I ordered one from a wig salon, but haven't gotten it yet. My hubby loves to jet ski and I'm terrified my full wig with a hat on top--that both will blow off.
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Hi Aimee, thanks for the comments, I just wanted to wish you the best with the restasis, I used it for about six months and unfortunately for me it didn't help me produce more tears at all, in fact they burned so bad I quit, I did try them again but burned so bad I had to stop right away. I wear contacts now that protect my corneas, because I was getting abrasions so bad, I have supper dry eyes, and can't even cry a tear, but the contacts help. If you continue to have problems you can PM me, I've tried a lot of different drops and stuff out there.
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Hi Christine, I'm with you on not having the courage to wear a wig to work. I got very advanced AGA and often catch people at work staring at my shiny head eventhough I've been at the same job for 10 years and have had AGA since I started there. It use to upset me but now I think that I would probably be the one staring if it wasn't me with the problem! I'm sure everyone at work would be fine with you wearing a wig. They would soon get use to it. As my psychologist has said to me more than once, "you're no movie star so don't expect too much interest in your new hair". Fair comment I think as most of us tend to make things a bigger deal than they are. I'm no exception! Don't pressure yourself either way, things will get better. All the best and don't forget to be kind to yoursel.
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Permalink Reply by Cindie on
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Hi, Christine:
If you feel that you need to wear a wig....go out and get the best one(s) that you can afford! Coworkers ARE judgemental -- but if you don'twear a wig, they'll be laughing about your "bad hair" behind your back.
So, do what is helpul for you!
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And doesn't it just suck that hollywood and the movie stars, and the very rich....they can do whatever they please, and nobody bats an eye!!! But of course, they can more than afford to buy the best quality, custom fit, custom colored wig available. The rest of us, most of us, anyway, can only afford just so much...there is a limit. Yes, I think there would be interest in your new "hair" and the chit chat behind your back, the comments, the glances....I have yet to get the courage. Then again, in FL there is the heat thing....it is sweltering outside .....sweat would be dripping, and ruining any wig.
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You are NOT alone! I have AGA and my husband is absolutely NOT understanding. I feel so ugly right now. The bang area is really going away fast and I can see my scalp - especially in sunlight. My husband wants NOTHING to do with it and doesn't want to hear about it.... AT ALL... I would LOVE for it to all fall out, and be done - but this seems to be a long drawn out.... sort of death... That's the only word I can think of... I truly understand what you are saying - I have been very depressed about it for a long time - I would love to do something about it, but want my husband's approval and I know that's not going to happen any time soon.... I hope we can all find a solution... God Bless....
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