Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Sara and William on March 17, 2011 at 3:54pm

I think the younger the child is the easier it is, honestly. In first grade, all the kids were very accepting of William and his hairloss. This year (third grade) it's gotten a bit harder. I'm not saying that the first time through had NO problems, or that it's a miserable tragedy this year, it's just that I think younger kids are less judgemental about a lot of things. If you say to them "yep, she has no hair. That's just her," then they believe you and move on.

Honestly, I'd tell you the sooner she gets out there, the better. It gets harder, not easier in my experience (well, once you get over the hurdle of first meetings with coaches, figuring out what to say, etc, etc.)

And please don't take that as critical. I was TERRIFIED of William getting made fun of, being miserable, etc, etc when we first went through it. I completely understand. But I do think the younger the kids, the better.

Permalink Reply by Kinsey Valdivia on March 17, 2011 at 5:06pm

I agree with what Sara said (which I often do). The preschoolers in Sam's life just accepted his changing hair without paying much attention to it. And all in all, kindergarten has been easier than I thought it would be. Sometimes when we go out, I'm the one who wears the hat, so I don't see the second glances, like blinders for a horse it keeps me focused on my own child, not the looks he might be getting. I often have to remind myself that my anxiety, is just that my own. I don't want to burden Sam with it. So I vote, take several deep breaths & jump in! Sign her up for something this summer. Maybe you have a friend with a child she knows & they both can take gymnastic class, swim lessons or something. And sometimes it's nice to have the awkward alopecia conversation over an email, before even meeting the coach in person. You can do this. She will do great & so will you!

Permalink Reply by Sara and William on March 18, 2011 at 3:26am

LOL. Thanks for the compliment (blush)!!

--Sara

Permalink Reply by Tami & Taryn on March 17, 2011 at 5:45pm

Thank you Ladies! I know that what you are saying is true, this is our first huddle and I believe once we are over it things will get easier. Signing her up this afternoon for "Blastball" at the local Rec Center just brought all these fears and anxiety to surface for me. Not to mention that I am enrolling her on April 1st to preschool...which lingers over me like a rock. She will be Over the Moon excited about both tho! I agree that she has the benefit of being younger, she didn't loose her hair... she never had any.

Permalink Reply by Sara and William on March 18, 2011 at 3:26am

One thing that I think we all consider with all our children (meaning the non-alopecia kids as well as the alopecia kids) is which preschool they go to and it's proximity to our house. I think it might be more important in our alopecia kids' cases to try to angle for activities, clubs, teams, preschools, where the children might move into grade school together. I know around here YMCA teams are sometimes by school, and it might be worth requesting teams where children are likely to be feeding into the same grade school. As I said, I know we think about these things anyway, but with a child who is different, having a "circle of friends" that follows them up is very helpful, even if it's not an OFFICIAL "circle of friends" it still acts like one:)

Permalink Reply by cindy Babs on March 18, 2011 at 8:55am

I agree with all the comments here and want to add one thing.I think we mothers worry about and are more conscience of the condition than our kids. We have to realize that they do a lot better than we give them credit. That's my experience with my teenager. The condition makes the strong and resilient . I still worry just as much as you do with your young ones but I think it's all for naught. Of course. What does worrying accomplish anyway ... :)

Permalink Reply by Angie on March 17, 2011 at 9:06pm

My son started losing his hair at 18 mos and lost the whole thing by the time he was 3. He hasn't known himself with hair really. He has been attending preschool since he was 2. Some kids ask and some don't. He started to realize he didn't have any before he was 3 because he would say it. Plus, he started to understand conversations we were having with others when we explained it to them. But, we look at the whole thing with a, "so what??!!" attitude. It is what it is. He knows he's a little cutie because people tell him so (of course, we do, too!). He has a smashing personality and is sooo loveable. I am prepared to deal with people if they hurt him in my presence, but if I am not, God will look out for him. You can only grow from insults, etc.

We all had our differences that we had to deal with when we were growing up. This is just a different kind. Your daughter, I have a feeling, will be very secure in herself and will knock 'em dead with her smile, charm and beauty!

Permalink Reply by shirley carole douglas on March 18, 2011 at 8:08am

My granddaughter lost her hair at 5 years old, what my daughter did she went into the school armed with Naaf Organization Videos- that was for the teachers they also need to learn about Alopecia and spoke to the children in her class.
She told them in simple terms that Jessica was allergic to her hair, it isn’t contagious you can’t catch it. They all became her friends and were protective off her. Wouldn’t let anyone else start or say anything else about her
She also spoke to the parents of children who were understanding.
She’s nearly 14 now and a very confident and popular, and certainly not a victim.
Shirley

Permalink Reply by Tami & Taryn on March 18, 2011 at 8:52am

That sounds wonderful Shirley. I did plan on sending out letters or emails informing parents of Taryn's condition. I didn't want to make a big deal as Taryn, right now, doesn't realize she's different, and I fear making a big tadoo would give her some insecurities that aren't currently present. I do have a bit of an issue with my husband tho, he feels strongly to not address the condition. He feels by doing that we are just drawing unneccessary attention to it/her. It is a conflict between us that we have to resolve soon. Thank you for sharing with me, I loved hearing about your granddaughters success!

Permalink Reply by Wendy Willeroy on March 18, 2011 at 11:52am

My son, John Parker, lost all his hair at about a year and a half. We enrolled him in preschool at age two, and changed schools at age four (so a whole new group of kids at that point, too). I can honestly say we have not had any negative experiences (he will be five in July). JP is very outgoing and has lots of friends, and it just really has been a non-issue. Of course in the beginning some of the kids would ask why he doesn't have hair, or how he lost his hair, but then they move on. Some of his friends will even affectionately rub his soft little head, which is funny because he loves to feel the hair of other kids :) At least with regard to our situation, I think introducing him to a world outside his home allowed him to grow into his own skin, so to speak, and gain confidence and self-assuredness. JP's teachers have always told me that they believe the other kids don't make a big deal out of the fact that he has no hair because he himself doesn't make a big deal out of it. One year, during "the week of the young child," his preschool had a theme for each day of the week. One day was "crazy hair day"... one of his classmates lent him a big, colorful clown wig to wear in the afternoon, and when the teacher asked him if he liked his "crazy hair" he simply replied "I like no hair better." :) :) :)

Your daughter will do great!! My favorite John Denver quote: "All the things that you fear, at the most they mean nothing." :)

Permalink Reply by cindy Babs on March 18, 2011 at 8:09pm

Tami. You know. That is one issue that I've never seen addressed on here. My husband and i disagree a lot on different issues related to approaching different situations. We manage to get thru them but it can create quite a bit of conflict. No one is ever right and it always seems to work out. I tend to obsess more than he. Instinctively, we just want to protect them. I should also say my daughter lost her hair the week of final exams freshman year high school. She is a jr now.To my knowledge NO one has ever said a cruel remark to her EVER. I hope that Is some comfort to you with young ones. We just can't help worrying but they really do/ can we think.

Permalink Reply by Tami & Taryn on March 18, 2011 at 2:30pm

"I think introducing him to a world outside his home allowed him to grow into his own skin, so to speak, and gain confidence and self-assuredness" I agree. Your JP sounds like a great little guy. In my heart I know this is the truth. Thank you Cindy Babs also... your comments were comforting and insightful.

Everyone of you that has sent replies, I want to say THANK YOU! You have helped me so much. You have all given me peace and hope.

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