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Comment by Lisa F and Chloe on February 1, 2011 at 2:07pm

I also have a preschooler and have been surprised how accepting they are of others that are different. They ask about the difference but are satisfied with a "that's the way I am" answer. I hope it will help these children as they grow be more understanding and accepting of those who are different. In this situation I think every parent has to make their own decisions on what is best for his or her child. (Even if a grandparent thinks otherwise, I understand this can be difficult) Besides I cant' even imagine a wig staying on at that age, they play so hard at preschool. If you choose not to use a wig I do suggest talking to the teachers and director before hand. I have even heard some schools will allow you to send a letter to the other students parents asking them to explain about the situation, this may limit the questions the kids will ask. Good luck to you and your daughter.

Comment by Monique (Mom) on February 1, 2011 at 6:35am

Yes. Gabby will be in pre-school and grade school with many of the same kids. I don't believe in a wig at 3 years old or ever unless the child says they want one. I would get her whatever she wants. I tell her every single day that she is amazing and beautiful. I make her look in the mirror and say it and then compliment her eyes and nose and ears and beautiful head. She has other beautiful attributes besides her head. I really appreciate all the advice from those parents with older grade school kids and so happy to hear most are doing wonderfully.

Comment by Elizabeth Brokaw on January 31, 2011 at 10:24pm

My daughter Lyric is 7 and lost most of her hair over the summer so i
bought her a wig and a childrens book for the teacher to read in class to explain to her classmates what alopecia was. Everyday she would find some excuse to take it off and come home with it in her back pack and every day i
did what ever i had to do to solve what ever problem she had with the wig. Finally she broke down to me and said that she didnt like wearing the wig and was comfortable with her hair being the way that it was. From that point on I didnt make her wear the wig. I am happy that she is strong and not self conscious about her hair. I am letting her make that decision about wearing the wig. It is available when ever she wants to wear it. I told her from the beginning that she is beautiful with or without hair and that she might come across mean people but she has to remember that she is beautiful. She still repeats that back to me from time to time!

Comment by Sara and William on January 31, 2011 at 9:58pm

Something relevant, are the kids who will be in pre-school with her going to be with her also in grade school and junior high and so on? Because when this happened the first time around, the kids getting used to it was the hard part. Once they figured out that Boo is just bald, and that's just life, they were all great. The kids never said much about it, and when they did, it was just a factual statement. One kid has brown hair, another has blonde, Boo has none. The transition from hair to bald, though, got LOTS of questions, comments (more from teachers in hushed voices, sigh!) and angst. So if these kids are going to be with your daughter for years to come, then I think this is the easiest possible time for them to see her bald. No transition, it's just who she is.

Comment by Monique (Mom) on January 31, 2011 at 9:41pm

I love how you said, "let them lead and we are in the backup". So good. So true. I will keep this in my mind. She is only 2.5. She knows nothing right now. Nothing. I wish I could keep her like that. She is strong and confident. Thanks for the advice. It is helping me so much with this hard night that I've had. This too shall pass. Just a bad day in my Alopecia world.

Comment by Sara and William on January 31, 2011 at 9:41pm

By the way, if you're really looking for "long run" opinions, it might be better to ask in one of the adults groups. Those of us here, no offense to anyone, and I very much include myself, are muddling along hoping we're doing the right thing. We are great with support, and stories, but long-run---not so much. We're right in the middle of it with you:)

Comment by Sara and William on January 31, 2011 at 9:35pm

I don't feel as strongly as Gail, but I did let Boo (a 9 year old boy, for reference) decide when and if he wanted a wig. He decided he did when he was 7 1/2. We got it, he wore it the first day of school (in Nebraska, summer, read HOT!). He wore it in, came back out with it off. I sorta scratched my head at that, cuz I figured the reason for wearing it was to look "normal" but whatever, it's his head. He did that a few weeks, then put it in his backpack to take to school in case he wanted it later. When fall and winter came, it came out so a coat could go in the backpack. He's happy, so I'm happy.

IMHO, the person with alopecia should lead. We're their backup. I'm not saying never override, cuz they're still just kids. My opinion (and I am fine with everyone here having a different one, but opinions were asked) is that you empower your kids by letting them make decisions for themselves. If they want to try a wig, then let them. If they want to run around bald and beautiful, go for it.

However, I'd be a tiny bit shocked if your daughter will leave it alone on her head. According to Boo, they're itchy, hot, and downright miserable for long periods of time. The person at Kids Club when we got it said it had to stay on for 24 hours for mystical reasons relating to fitting the wig on the first day we got it, and it was the worst 24 hours of my summer that year lol. At your daughter's age, I'm thinking what you or your mom thinks is going to be largely irrelevant unless you're going to be following her around pre-school making her keep it on:)

Comment by Monique (Mom) on January 31, 2011 at 9:29pm

I completely agree with you Gail. This is how I feel. I keep telling my mom this, but she continues to say things like, "What you do now is setting her up for her future". In reference to my not getting a wig is the poor judgement. I take such offense to this and get very upset and angry. She knows how I feel. I have said it before. She still continues to express her opionions and tells me what others say. It is hard enough. I don't need to hear what others who have no experience or no knowledge of anything chiming in.

Comment by Evie and mom Gail on January 31, 2011 at 9:13pm

Monique, our Evie is now 5, and has had alopecia universalis since she was 9 months old. I strongly, strongly suggest that you NOT get her a wig just yet. It is really important for her to feel comfortable with herself, and to be accepted for herself without a wig. Then, when her friends and classmates and neighbours get to know her as she is, then she can experiment with a wig for fancy occasions. What you don't want her to feel is that she MUST cover up, or that she is only normal or beautiful with a wig. Now Evie has one, but only wears it for fancy parties, or once in a while, and we waited until she asked us for it. They are hot and itchy and come off, so are not really a practical daily option for small children. I'm sure that the teen years will bring a whole new set of challenges, but we are thrilled for now that Evie feels mostly comfortable with her bald head, and treats her wig like an accessory, not like a missing part of her body. Good luck, I'm sure your mom only wants to spare her the pain of being teased, but really they need to learn to explain this and to show others it is just fine to not have hair.

Comment by Monique (Mom) on January 31, 2011 at 8:31pm

I need some advice and stories. My baby is only 2 1/5 years old. I have an opinion on wigs. My mom feels differently. She will be starting pre-school next year. My mom feels she should have a wig. I don't feel that way. I need to know how everyone feels and experiences with this situation. What is the best in the long run? Please help.

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