I'm REALLY trying to be positive!! I REALLY want to move forward!! I know I am more than my hair!! I HAVE done this before!! I WILL do it again!! I just need to get all this SHIT out!! I'm not sure how to make a LONG story short!! But I'll try.

In March 2007 I started to lose my hair. By August I had lost SO much I HAD to buy a wig. In the meantime I had seen SIX different doctors!! Each had their own opinion, each ran tests ... NOTHING was working!! However when my OB/GYN put me on Levoxyl the hair loss stopped.

In February 2008 I'd had enough of my own pity party and decided to take my life back!! I got busy and achieved personal and business goals that I didn't think possible, moved and life was going pretty good. I had also decided to work on ME! So I started seeing a doc for weight loss issues in May. My Thyroid meds were adjusted again because my levels were still high. I was now taking 112 mcg. Guess what!!! My hair started growing back!! As quick as it fell out, it was coming back!! What a MIRACLE!! Cause honestly, I had lost ALL hope of ever having any regrowrth!! The funny thing is that it was coming back GRAY! Who cares!! I had hair!!

By July I had stopped wearing my wig!! I had HAIR!! I had also managed to lose 30 lbs and was feeling FABULOUS!!!!! So late August I made an appointment and had my hair cut for the first time in OVER a year!! Woo Hoo!! Cute, short and SUPER sassy!! It was a lot like Victoria Beckham's (when it was blond). I also had my hair highlighted a few days later ... again first time in over a year! So, middle of August we (my weight loss doc and I) decided to change my Thyroid meds to Synthroid. 1. Because my rx for Levoxyl was up and 2.Synthroid from what I was told was the SAME drug!! Only better because it wasn't a generic where Levoxyl is!!

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO....Again, I was ON TOP OF THE WORLD!! Everyone noticed!! I was holding my head high!! I LOVED the gal in the mirror again! Hell, I even recognized her again!! I had a spring in my step again!! Then, I caught a HORRIBLE sinus infection that lingered and settled in my lungs ... I was SICK for most of August and on antibiotics x 2 doses. While I was getting ready for a Labor Day celebration, I was doing my hair and guess what ...........A SPOT!!! WTF!! FFFFFFFFFFF!! Yeah, you know!! It was the size of a dime...maybe? Okay, I'm NOT freaking out!! I'll put some foam on it, and call the doc and get this figured out! A few more weeks and I notice the spot is growing. Now I'm freaking a little more! I immediately call the doc and discuss my concerns about the hair loss and the switching of meds ... or was it the hair bleach? Was it from being sick? HELP!! He says none of the above!! WHAT!!

So I call yet another Dermo thinking I'm having an allergic reaction to hair dye!! But in ONE week from the time I made the appointment to the time I saw her yesterday ....NUMEROUS spots! Hair is coming out in HANDFULS! Showering is a NIGHTMARE! I am COVERED in hair! My scalp is freaking out with sores, it's greasy and itchy and it's driving me NUTS! The cute cut I had LESS than a month ago is GONE!! I even notice that the spots that had grown back in ... had NEW spots!! DEVISTATION set in RIGHT HERE!!!

SO I've had it!!! I'm DONE! I'm PISSED! I want answers and I want them NOW! HOW can this happen! WHY did I TRUST anyone to change my meds??? WHY did I have to go and color my hair?? I call my OB/GYN and BEG for him to phone in the Levoxyl immediately! and he does. THANK YOU!! I have an appointment with him next week because I am also having hot flashes again, night sweats, near fainting spells at the end of my period (last 2 months), and some acne...again! ALL this HAD cleared up and SUDDENLY reappeared!!!!

I go ahead with the Dermo...knowing she's going to give me the same exact song and dance BS I've heard SO many times before!! BUT there is a glimmer of HOPE that MAYBE just MAYBE because she's a woman she'll be more understanding .........NOPE!! She was probably WORSE than any of the others! She actually accused ME of asking her to commit fraud!!!! That's when I LOST it!! Tears!! Lots of them!! (BTW, she looked at one spot and called it AA. She never even looked at the Fing paperwork I brought with me!! INSANE!! ) I have an AUTOIMMUNE DISEASE a DISEASE that I have no cure for! No treatment for because of my insurance company and their BS policy!! So NO, I just want some HELP! I just want my hair back! Either you can help me or you can't! Then she showed some compassion and said she'd have her office call my insurance and see what codes for Alopecia they would accept ... FUNNY, I'd already told her THEY WON'T!! So, I left knowing I'd wasted my time and my money and LOST ALL HOPE!

I cried ALL day yesterday!! It just doesn't make any sense!! It's NOT fair ... but this disease isn't FAIR to ANY of us!!! There are NO accidents in life and through a friend request on FaceBook, I was lead here to Alopecia World!! Not a coincidence!! It is EXACTLY what I needed and EXACTLY when I needed it!!

So, here I am!! Trying to heal my broken heart! and move forward!! I CAN NOT get caught-up in this and shut-down like I did last time!! I can't!!

Thank You for sticking with this LONG post!!