Comment by Tallgirl on November 13, 2012 at 9:39am

Because I am tall and had put on a few pounds after age 40, I also wanted to eliminate the chance that my hair loss was not considered feminine. My solution was nice wigs, eyebrow powder and make-up, earrings, non-chunky shoes, and more skirts or feminine blouses while teaching. However, it was weight loss that I ultimately decided was the bigger barrier in both job-hunting and socializing. So, I joined TOPS and have lost 30 pounds since April. Lo and behold, I have had better job interviews and flirts aimed my way. True, I have not gone bare-headed for any of the above, but work skills, smarts, artistic talent and friendship are not determined by hair...so what should I care about strangers who do not take the time to look into my eyes and face or listen to my voice and heart before judging?

By the way...I NEVER wear pink or pastels. They are just NOT ME. Blues, black, purple, mulberry, brown...yes. Scarves and bolero or draping sweaters...yes. Fake fur Russian-type black hat and coat with black fake-fur collar for holidays, nice gloves...yes. Knee-high sweater-type boots with fashionable buttons...yes. There are ways to keep warm besides dad's parka! I have even attached pins to hats that message, "Yo! Female here!"

Comment by Meta on November 13, 2012 at 10:08am

Im 33 and all my life I had long curly blonde hair. It was a year ago that I lost all of it after having 3 miscarriages. I lost my identity, my life and anything that made me feel good about myself. It was hard to go out and do life. This summer was my first vacation bald. I knew it was going to be a struggle for me to adjust to new people giving me the stare. The stare that can be kind. The stare that looks at me like I'm sick and gross. The stare that looks at me confused is that a man or woman. That was the stare hardest to get over. A year ago there would be no question. I was a beautiful woman with long flowing blonde locks. Now I'm bald with no self esteem. During my vacation I went out to lunch with my husband. I wore a full coverage baseball cap. I feel I can hide under my brim so I feel most comfortable in that. I excused myself to go use the ladies room. While washing my hands a little girl walks in with her mother and asks her mom "why is there a boy in the girls bathroom". Her mother was embarrassed and quickly corrected her saying that I was a girl and I was just wearing a baseball cap. The little girl argued that I was a boy but her mom just kept insisting I was a girl. My heart was crushed, I couldn't fight back the tears. I walked out of the ladies room choking back my tears. My husband knew something was wrong and kept asking me what was wrong. I knew if I would tell him I would just start histarically crying. So I asked if we could leave. In the car I broke down about a little girl calling me a boy. I knew the little girl didn't know any better. I have nieces and nephews her age. I just couldn't get over the fact that I no longer looked like a typical female. My husband consoled me telling all the wonderful supportive things he could think of. It just wasn't working because I knew being called a boy that day wasn't going to be last. Now a few months have gone by and I feel like I'm adjusting to my new look. I have had my eyebrows tattooed on and eyeliner done as well. I have a prosthetic wig that I sometimes wear. It's weird to say but I feel more like myself bald then I do with my wig on. It truly is a process of grief and acceptance. A few months ago I hated the way I looked. Now I'm slowly getting used to it and learning new ways to make myself feel pretty. It's definitely a challenge but I always live by the saying"what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger" . I'm great full for websites like this. I know I'm not alone in these daily struggles.

Comment by Norm on November 20, 2012 at 3:59pm

I think the self-acceptance thing gets going once your self-image (or, how you think you look, in your head) matches the real you... that is, if you still think of yourself as the long-haired blonde, it's going to be a shock whenever you look in a mirror. I went through all that (er, well, not the long-haired blonde bit!) and it's a subconscious thing as much as anything - it definitely took some time before I naturally thought of myself as "the completely bald guy".
When you start to make those decisions on how you want the world to see you... wig, scarf, nothing, whatever... it's a lot easier if you're not battling yourself. It's a very personal journey, and it's always hard because we can't control how others will react. But when we're alright in ourselves, we're in a much stronger position from which to face the world.

Comment by Cheryl, Co-founder on November 24, 2012 at 12:07am

Norm, I think you are right. I no longer think of myself as the person I was before I lost my hair. Nor do I compare myself or believe that I was "better" when. Thanks for that reminder, I can see a few other area in my life that I need to stop seeing the long-haired blond ;)

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