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A very reaction-y kind of day today
I've been going out bald in public for ooh, about three weeks now and have had a variety of responses from strangers. Going out for dinner in a very arty venue - nobody bats an eyelid. Sitting behind a small child on the bus - slack jawed staring, although in a very innocent, curious way. Walking through town with a friend on a Saturday night - being told by an utterly plastered man than he admired my individuality. Wandering through Primark - people looking and then trying not to look and blushing.
Today was the first day, though, that anyobody mentioned the C-words. First a customer (I work in a shop, she's a regular) asked, very carefully, if I had been ill. I explained about alopecia and thanked her for her concern, but no, I don't have cancer, nor am I going through chemo.
And then, later on I was asked again if I was "in treatment". When I said I wasn't, the woman who asked said she was and that she had just finished chemo. She was wearing a wig, which she took off, and we stood in the middle of the shop floor for a good 15 minutes, swapping stories about being bald, complimenting each other (honestly, she looked amazing for just having finished chemo last month) and generally revelling in meeting someone who knows what it's like. Well, I was revelling. She was amazing, handling both hair loss - which is traumatic enough - and chemo and cancer with a grace that left me in awe. I had to go into the staff room and have a small cry at how brilliant she was and how good it was to have found a fellow baldie, just for that short period of time.
She won't ever read this, but I just want to say that Nicola, you are so beautiful and strong and you absolutely made my day.
Oh, and I also had my first "Mummy, that lady's got no hair" as well today. I told the little girl in question that I used to have hair but I was naughty, so the pixies came in the night and took it away to make skipping ropes. She looked horrified and her mother hooted with laughter.
Today was the first day, though, that anyobody mentioned the C-words. First a customer (I work in a shop, she's a regular) asked, very carefully, if I had been ill. I explained about alopecia and thanked her for her concern, but no, I don't have cancer, nor am I going through chemo.
And then, later on I was asked again if I was "in treatment". When I said I wasn't, the woman who asked said she was and that she had just finished chemo. She was wearing a wig, which she took off, and we stood in the middle of the shop floor for a good 15 minutes, swapping stories about being bald, complimenting each other (honestly, she looked amazing for just having finished chemo last month) and generally revelling in meeting someone who knows what it's like. Well, I was revelling. She was amazing, handling both hair loss - which is traumatic enough - and chemo and cancer with a grace that left me in awe. I had to go into the staff room and have a small cry at how brilliant she was and how good it was to have found a fellow baldie, just for that short period of time.
She won't ever read this, but I just want to say that Nicola, you are so beautiful and strong and you absolutely made my day.
Oh, and I also had my first "Mummy, that lady's got no hair" as well today. I told the little girl in question that I used to have hair but I was naughty, so the pixies came in the night and took it away to make skipping ropes. She looked horrified and her mother hooted with laughter.
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Comment by Mary on November 16, 2009 at 2:36pm
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Cal, your experiences sound just like mine! Thanks for sharing. Different venues sometimes result in different reactions (or non-reactions). I've been asked by supermarket checkers "What are you fighting?". I answer "Traffic", then after the laughing stops, I explain.
You meeting with the cancer patient echoes many I've had. It always moves me, always makes me feel incredibly fortunate that ALL I have is an inability to grow hair!
I firmly believe that all it will take for baldness to be more a choice for women is for more of us to just do it. The only way for people to NOT make the cancer assumption is for us to give them another model.
Love your story about the child....I'll have to try something like that at an appropriate moment!
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Comment by Andrea on November 16, 2009 at 4:59pm
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I loved the response to the little girl! I literally LOL'd!
I'm right now on the opposite end. I wonder if people know I'm wearing a wig. I make YouTube videos and have been debating showing myself "natural." I've had several comments about how great my hair looks lately. One did ask if I was wearing a wig, but she probably remembered me mentioning that I was losing it due to illness.
Congratulations on your victory in public :-)
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Comment by Natalie on November 16, 2009 at 10:10pm
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Oh my gosh I literally burst out laughing when I read the part about the pixies taking away your hair! I am totally going to use that one in the future!! And I agree, it is awesome to meet other "baldies" out there like us :)
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Comment by Gill on November 17, 2009 at 4:00am
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So intresting the different reactions you get, in different places. I find this all the time. I have never "used" a blog, but think I might try.
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Comment by Cal on November 17, 2009 at 4:15am
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Thanks all for your comments!
Mary, I don't know the numbers but I'd guess we alopecians are in the minority compared to cancer patients? If so I'm not too bothered that people assume that. But yes, I'm glad I can, in my little way, let people know a bit more about alopecia and about us.
Andrea, just take the compliments! I'm not a wig wearer myself but if you rock one and feel your most beautiful that way then more power to your elbow, I say.
CD, Natalie and Gill - thank you. I like to think that little girl is going to be very good for the next little while!
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Yes, Cal -I assume that the approximately 2% of the population with some form of AA is much less than the number of cancer patients. I think there will probably always be the assumption that a bald woman has cancer - unless baldness became an actual fad/fashion for women, which isn't likely.
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Smooth shiny bald, probably not, no. I had no cancer comments when it was mostly buzzed with some patchiness but now that it's clearly falling/fallen out in a big way I suppose it looks less like a fashion statement.
Thank you, Daniel.
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I had a guy (male pattern bald) ask me once how I get my head so shiny. I managed to keep a straight face for awhile as I told him I use a very fine grade of sandpaper!
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Smooth shiny bald all over isn't thugely common even for men. I've been paying attention to shaved heads a lot of late, funnily enough, and even men with male pattern baldness mostly buzz the hair they do have rather than take it to a close shave. Or so it seems to me, at any rate.
I reckon the reason it hasn't happened for women is because the only reason we lose our hair as young women is illness. Yes, those of us to whom it happens can choose to embrace it and totally rock the bald look, but very short buzz is different to smooth bald and I think always will be. I can't see smooth shiny bald, on women, ever becoming a fashion statement. A buzz cut is seen as a choice - I have my hair but I want it to be very short, for whatever reason. No hair at all denotes the loss of it and that is a whole other kettle of ball games for most women.
I'm glad you think bald women can look just as beautiful, but I'm just not sure many of us would ever choose the totally smooth look. Not enough to make it a fashion statement, at any rate.
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We appear to be at cross-purposes here. I'm in agreement with your most recent post but I'm not sure how it relates to smooth baldness becoming a fashion statement for women with hair. But anyway.
Oh, and I'm not smooth bald yet - the combination of closely buzzed sparse hair and a camera flash does give that impression but I am still working the velcro head look for the time being.
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