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And something about the fringe that makes me look like a hippy
My new wig arrived Thursday. Absolutely gorgeous! very very long chocolatey brown colour. I'll post a photo at some point.
I got it, I loved it. It was brilliant.
And I was a total mess all day.
I'd be totally fine one minute, then all panicy and sad and angry the next. Then I'd be fine. I had no idea what was going on for quite a while.
Then it kind of struck me:
Imagine holding the thing you want most in your hand. Imagine getting that thing which will make everything better, even if you logically know it won't. Imagine getting that, and knowing it's a complete and utter lie.
I keep being told that "the first rule of wig care is respect your wig". How do you respect something a very significant part of you hates? how do you respect this incredible lie? how are you meant to believe "you look so pretty" when you're wearing this gross, obscene thing ?
Now this isn't my first wig. This isn't my first time dealing with this. But its the first time i've really understood what my issue was and had somewhere to talk about it with folk that "get it". folk that dont have to imagine. And I'm alright with the whole thing now, but seriously, my head turned into a big convoluted mess of feelings without a great deal of higher brain function for a couple of days there. Anyone else done that?? I'm not up to going completely bald in public, though parts of me want to.
also, update of the re-bald (as opposed to regrowth): just in the week or so since I last checked in i have two more 20 cents piece sized patches in my patches than last time. Bugger. But no sign of eyebrow escapism so yay there (touch wood).
also again, I'm still working on my alopecia piece for my Drama class major work. I'm still looking for people's "real stories" to tell. If anyone is at all interested leave a comment or inbox me. I'd love to hear from you :D
But yeah, anyway... I'm going to go watch some Doctor Who and not do my homework.
I got it, I loved it. It was brilliant.
And I was a total mess all day.
I'd be totally fine one minute, then all panicy and sad and angry the next. Then I'd be fine. I had no idea what was going on for quite a while.
Then it kind of struck me:
Imagine holding the thing you want most in your hand. Imagine getting that thing which will make everything better, even if you logically know it won't. Imagine getting that, and knowing it's a complete and utter lie.
I keep being told that "the first rule of wig care is respect your wig". How do you respect something a very significant part of you hates? how do you respect this incredible lie? how are you meant to believe "you look so pretty" when you're wearing this gross, obscene thing ?
Now this isn't my first wig. This isn't my first time dealing with this. But its the first time i've really understood what my issue was and had somewhere to talk about it with folk that "get it". folk that dont have to imagine. And I'm alright with the whole thing now, but seriously, my head turned into a big convoluted mess of feelings without a great deal of higher brain function for a couple of days there. Anyone else done that?? I'm not up to going completely bald in public, though parts of me want to.
also, update of the re-bald (as opposed to regrowth): just in the week or so since I last checked in i have two more 20 cents piece sized patches in my patches than last time. Bugger. But no sign of eyebrow escapism so yay there (touch wood).
also again, I'm still working on my alopecia piece for my Drama class major work. I'm still looking for people's "real stories" to tell. If anyone is at all interested leave a comment or inbox me. I'd love to hear from you :D
But yeah, anyway... I'm going to go watch some Doctor Who and not do my homework.
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Comment by Tallgirl on March 5, 2011 at 12:07am
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Toilets are unnatural, too...but I don't want to go back in time on that issue. Walking is more natural than using cars, buses, trains and planes. Even bikes. What is up with stoves, fridges and sewing machines? Bra? Glasses? Make-up? Clothing? I went through all this argument with myself at 16, and decided to go with the things humans have "been allowed" to create for the betterment or warmth of the human body. At least wearing a wig means less gashes on the noggin from various low doorways, shower tracks, branches, etc.
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Comment by Anne Williams on March 5, 2011 at 10:19am
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Words of wisdom Tallgirl! Thanks from someone who will be wearing her first wig out in public today.
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I eagerly anticipate a full, humor-filled review of the day before bedtime!
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Comment by Tamera on March 5, 2011 at 11:38pm
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I had that whole mindblowing revalation about 3 weeks ago, I paid a huge amount of $ for this top of the line wig...(I have had many many wigs over then years) I was soooooooo crazy for it, I thought that this was going to be "the one", it was going to solve everything with my hair problem, or my lack of hair problem. I put it on, and I hated it, not that it wasn't beautiful, not that it wasn't perfect, not that I didn't look really nice and normal(whatever normal is).... I didn't like it because it wasn't me. I looked in the mirror and I didn't see me, I did see hair that I always wanted but it still wasn't mine. I wore that beautiful wig just about nonstop for 6 weeks, 3weeks ago, after I washed it I let it dry and that has been the last time I have touched it. I don't see myself going in public with a naked head, but I also don't know that I want a wig on either.... I guess it isn't getting what you want but wanting what you get. I thought that this was my magic cure all, maybe not or maybe not yet.....
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Comment by Georgia Gardner on March 6, 2011 at 2:08am
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I like the way you think, Tallgirl :P thats a very good way of looking at it.
I think the issue is that it is, essentially, a body part. We end up wearing a prosthesis, which once grew from someone else (which is kinda creepy when phrased like that). Its not as easy to adjust to as other "unnatural' things like bras or glasses.
Thats a cultural thing too. We're used to fridges and trains. No one advertizes wigs on television. Its a silent market. We don't really talk about it outside of our own little world and I think that makes issues for our psyches more than we realise most of the time.
And for Tamera - I totally know what you mean. Even though I've had wigs for many years, this one probably shook me up the most. I have a bit of a theory for why...
As alopecians, we have our expectations shattered. No one sees this coming. Especially those who get alopecia young, but also those you get it as adults, get kicked in that part of our brains that still believe in Disney movies and happy ever after. Some of us end up quite pessimistic - I would be one of these. But a part of us still has that hope that it will go away, that periods of remission will last, that wigs will make it better. And when these symbols of our hope get proven wrong as well, all of that original pain, the shock of alopecia and the reality of this - it comes and hits us in the face all over again.
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Every time I get a new one, it is a new "role" for me to play for awhile. That fun takes me out of any funk about alopecia for awhile. After so many years, wigs ARE normal to me...to my life.
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Well said, Tallgirl! I think that what you have said is so true and no one should feel like wearing a wig is a lie - I don't see it that way. I see it as an extension of who you are.... :) Kate
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I wore my first wig out in public yesterday. Big pac 10 basketball game, lunch out with my husband. It made be feel glamorous and slimmer! It didn't feel any different than wearing a hat all day.
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I apologize that I'm being quite negative about this whole thing. I'm completely aware that most of us lucky enough to have wigs really love them. They are really helpful for fitting in and feeling confident. At the same time I have the deepest respect for those who go out bald and shiny. A lot of the time I want to go without wig or scarf, but haven't quite gotten to that place yet. Soon, maybe :)
I'm just personally in a bit of a funk about stuff at the mo, so thats kinda coming out in the blogging.
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Comment by Dominique Cleopatra on March 7, 2011 at 5:04am
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Since I got a bonded on hair system, me and my fair "alterna-hair" have realy, well, "bonded"!
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