Comment

Comment by Natasha on January 12, 2009 at 7:12pm

I understand how you and your wife may have felt. I love my head and I choose not to wear wigs and just be myself. On occasion throughout my life I have chosen to wear wigs just for fun and have recieved comments that were okay and some that I found offensive. I have had numerous people see me with a wig and say that I would be beautiful if I had hair. It made me feel like I was ugly without it. I know that is not true and that is probably not how they meant it.

Comment by sgomez on January 11, 2009 at 2:08am

I also saw a video clip of Cheryl trying on wigs at the conference, and I thought she looked really realy good in a wig too!!! My personal preferance is a wig that' just me, but I think Cheryl is georgeous either way. It's funny, because I once had a facial from a Mary Kay lady. As soon as I took off my wig (so that it wouldn't get in the way) she blurted out, in her very authoritative New York accent, "Oh my God! Your georgeous! Honey I don't know why you even bother!" It made me feel really good.
In the situation of the 'fighting words', I would have wholeheartedly accepted it as a compliment and said thank you. Then I would say that I just feel more beautiful, and more like me just bald.

Comment by Lee on January 10, 2009 at 9:02pm

I admire the fact that Cheryl let the comment roll off her back. It shows that she is truly comfortable with herself.

And isn't that the place we should all strive to be in?

And this comment was from a dear friend. So, I'm sure it was just a comment. But loved the way Cheryl handled it.

Comment by Cheryl, Co-founder on January 10, 2009 at 3:41pm

Letting go of what people think of you is such an important lesson, I have learned it well with alopecia.

I made the decision to no longer wear wigs to give myself peace. To start picking up comments from everyone around me would only whirl me back into a place I do not want to be. I can tell the difference between when someone is being malicious and when someone has just slipped and perhaps revealed his or her own person thoughts. People are going to react. I knew that when I made the decision. I also knew I was going to have to find a way to deal with it, without it brings me to a place of wanting to conform. I have to let people have their own opinions and thoughts in the same way I want to have mine.

I realize that you cannot be yourself until you are ready to stop pleasing others around you. To be honest I am in the process of trying to apply it to another area in my life. I guess real growth needs to be learned and repeated for it to become character. I do not believe situation only come up once, I think they keep coming around in different packaging.

PS: Babe, that picture makes me smile :)

Comment by LeslieAnn Butler on January 10, 2009 at 1:57pm

Hey, it's really no biggie. I agree with the others who say that it's similar to people who tell you they think you look extra cute with a certain hairstyle or outfit.
I also would like to add that it is fabulous that Cheryl and many others love to go without hair, but it should also be an acceptable and celebrated option for people to choose to wear wigs all the time. I've seen a lot of comments to the effect that unless you bare it all, there's something wrong with you; you're not accepting your condition. If we are a community of acceptance, there should also be an acceptance of people who like to wear hair, and not make them feel that there is something wrong with them because they have made that choice.

Comment by theantichick (Shannon's Mom) on January 10, 2009 at 12:16pm

I think you guys handled it fabulously. People make comments not thinking how it comes across. My daughter's starting to come to the place where wigs aren't a necessity, and I'm glad for it. Her wig has come off a couple of times now playing b-ball at school and we're taking family pictures today and she asked me if she *has* to wear her wig. I told her of course she doesn't have to... when and where she wears a wig or any other head covering is and has always been her choice, my only requirement is a sun hat on sunny days and a warm hat on cold days. (It's the mom in me...) I love that people like everyone here at AW is speaking out and hope that we're making a small change in the world so that people don't feel like they HAVE to look a certain way in the world.

Comment by Mary on January 10, 2009 at 11:23am

Good discussion. A well-meaning older friend made repeated comments to the effect that I look SOOO nice in my wig, and has asked me why I'm not wearing it anymore. I eventually asked him to wear one of my wigs for an hour so he could feel what it's like. He declined, and hasn't asked me about wigs again.

I think the interview I did recently on TV has helped many of my friends and family finally "get it". It's on AW, and I also just posted it on YouTube: "Living a Bald Life".

Overall, I've had many more positive comments from strangers who see me bald, than negative ones. And, I agree with Georgia about the chemo comments. I had a 10-minute conversation in Costco with a man who lost his wife to cancer last year...he approached me because I reminded him of the way she had looked, and even after he found out I don't have cancer, it comforted him to talk to me and tell me about her. It is a blessing.

Mary

Comment by willow on January 10, 2009 at 10:53am

and Rj, naked snowangels is a good idea, I'll have to suggest that to my hubby...lol

Comment by willow on January 10, 2009 at 10:52am

We all say things that we wished we'd taken a moment to think prior. Part of being good friends is that they know, it was never meant malicious. So when something out of norm comes out of our mouths its often a chuckle, by being ribbed for a bit.

Comment by Vicsta on January 10, 2009 at 9:20am

I think people can't understand why we might not 'want' to have hair... in the sense that we have reached complete acceptance of not having it, so we don't feel the 'need' for it.

The rest of society thinks of hair on a woman as being a necessity and, therefore, believes that should we lose some or all of it, we must surely want to replace/replicate it through a wig, topper, integeration piece etc.

I don't think the remark was meant in a bad way. I would take it as the ignorant comment of someone who has no idea or understanding of where Cheryl is at and cannot imagine not having their own hair and being happy!

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