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How could I possibly date a bald woman?
In one episode of the sitcom Seinfeld, George dated and claimed to have fallen in love with a bald woman named Georgina.
Jerry couldn’t believe his ears and yelled, “How could you possibly love a bald woman?”
“Since when was love about looks?” responded George.
“It’s always been about looks!” shouted Jerry.
Given that my fiancée, Cheryl Carvery, prefers to keep her head shaved bald because she lost a significant amount of the hair on her head due to alopecia areata, sometimes I wonder how I would respond to someone who thinks like Jerry.
Fortunately, the closest I’ve come to having to do so was at my parents’ home last year. Cheryl and I were visiting them and, after one of my close relatives saw her, she immediately pulled me aside and asked with quite a look of befuddlement, “Is she bald?”
I assumed that my relative could see the obvious and was really concerned about whether Cheryl had a more serious disease like cancer. So I calmly assured her, “Yes, she’s bald, but she doesn’t have cancer. She just likes to look like me!”
My relative laughed and looked like she was truly relieved.
All jokes aside, I wouldn’t find it amusing at all if someone like the TV character Jerry Seinfeld questioned me about dating a bald woman; not because the question he raised is intimidating – it’s not -- but because it’s an ignorant, insensitive, and insulting question.
Like far too many people in far too many societies, Jerry not only assumed that there’s some indissoluble link between locks and love, but also between the amount and arrangement of hair on a woman’s head and the degree to which she is attractive.
In other words, Jerry could not believe his friend George was dating the bald Georgina because bald women simply were ugly and unlovable in Jerry’s eyes.
I don’t fault people like Jerry for having their own dating preferences and the like. This is fine with me. However, I do fault them for attempting to foist their preferences on others.
Physical beauty is in the eyes of each beholder, which means I find it perfectly acceptable that what’s pulchritudinous to one person may be petrifying to another, and vice versa. Nevertheless, I don’t believe anyone should be made to feel as though their eyes are blind or should be gouged out because they do not behold beauty the way someone else or the dominant culture does.
Therefore, to the Jerry Seinfelds of the world I say that I can and do love and adore a beautiful bald woman -- not a woman who is beautiful despite being bald! -- because this simply is my choice. In my opinion, having the least concern about the presence or absence of hair on her head would be to me much ado about absolutely nothing.
Besides, a woman’s hair is not her “glory,” a sure sign that she’s competent or healthy, or a dead giveaway that her mind and spirit are as beautiful as someone might deem her hair and outward appearance to be. Regardless of the mythical significance humans arbitrarily attach to hair, it’s just hair. No more and no less.
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Comment by Sarah McIntosh on October 21, 2008 at 6:41pm
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Although I agree that everyone has the right to their own preference when it come to dating or deciding what is truly beautiful for themselves,it's only when I hear of a show or a real person voice something which can be incredibly discriminating as Jerry did, and then see that others around think it to be comical or acceptable that I truly get offended.
I think this blog was well written and shines light on to a world that alopecians deal with a lot of the time, and the struggle to understand where we really fit into today's society.
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Comment by Carol on October 21, 2008 at 8:46pm
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This is one of the reasons Seinfeld is not allowed to play on MY television and started turning me off of TV. Another show, American Dad, is not allowed on my TV because the dad's daughter looses her hair in one episode and everyone keeps making her life utter hell with comments and looks and at one point in the show another character even mentions that she looks like a giant penis!!! How is it supposed to be funny when a person's feelings and sense of worth are poked fun at? A little more sensitivity please!!!
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Comment by Alexandra on October 21, 2008 at 11:28pm
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This is a wonderful blog, RJ. Every time I read something you write it inspires me to believe that real, kind, genuine men like you exist in this world. Not the superficial, ignorant asshole types who are running rampant. I hope the world is filled with many more men who think the way you do and I hope I find one some day. I've known too many Jerry Seinfelds and not enough Georges in my life.
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Comment by Dominique on October 22, 2008 at 4:26am
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I don't think I ever saw that episode, or the above mentioned American Dad expisode. I did however see the Friends episode where Ross had dated (I think it's Ross) a girl who used to shave her head, and then met her again and fell for her more when she had a full head of long blonde hair.
Rachel I think was jealous, and convinced the girl to start shaving her head again, so she did - and Ross promptly dumped her.
The effect this episode had on me when I was about 14 years old was not as severe as I'm sure it could have been - but it definately left an impression. From the attitudes of both the male and female characters of this show. It put me off Friends for a while that's for sure.
I am extremly lucky to have only ever met one person who truly reflected this opinion to me - a cab driver who told me was lucky to have a boyfriend due to my hairloss. I told him to go jump.
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Comment by Gill on October 22, 2008 at 4:53am
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As usual a wonderfully written blog, why isnt there more men like you ???? I want one !
Yes this is another incedent of people assuming that outward appearance determinds what the person is like inside. How many time has we all made a friendship, wether personal or business, with somebody on the phone, email etc, we natually build a idea in our minds what they will look like. When we eventually meet them, they are not what we think, that is a form of judgement, as is getting to know somebody, then meeting their partner and being shocked, because they are not what you expect. I suppose we are all guilty of it, but since getting AU I am far more aware of my actions towards people.
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Comment by Lorena on October 22, 2008 at 1:28pm
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Well said Tamgirl!..and RJ your a dream boat and cheryle is a lucky lady. Those of that are single envy you. May we all find our true loves as well. There are far too many sitcoms that promote smarta$$ comments as comedy. I was raised on the golden rule, if you can't something nice don't say nothing at all.
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Comment by jamie1 on October 22, 2008 at 2:09pm
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I absolutely HATED that episode. As I recall, they did not even have the courage to show George's bald girlfriend on camera as being bald. The final episode of Seinfeld showed these characters for the silly, self-involved, superficial people they were. Good editorial on the part of Larry David. Too bad that, in reality, there are so many Seinfeldian types out there.
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Comment by J on October 23, 2008 at 6:42am
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I like this blog very much. Some people are just so superficial that is is scary.
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Comment by Sheila Anderson on April 10, 2009 at 10:47am
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All I can say is wow! RJ and Cheryl are beautiful people. I sure would like to meet a guy like RJ he's a saint and Cheryl is a blessing. They have given a lot of us inspiration.
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Comment by MiNAH on July 20, 2015 at 2:12am
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RJ and Cheryl an inspiration to millions with Alopecia worldwide xo
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