Comment by Carol on March 24, 2009 at 7:59am

If you really want to go to the conference you should. There's nothing wrong with having a little time to yourself. Sure it's great to bring someone but to be fair, this is your thing. Seeing so many bald heads at once is overwhelming for us, I can only imagine what it's like for hairy people or someone new to the idea. If you do go, don't worry about everyone sitting at home, have fun and do what you do best - be yourself!

Comment by Emily on March 24, 2009 at 10:31am

I'm literally, as I'm writing this, having the same experience. There was an incident last week that made me start thinking a lot about my experiences with alopecia throughout my life. I have come to the realization that going to the conference this year would probably be really beneifical for me. But do I go alone, do I bring my mother, do I bring my partner (Phil)? My mom is amazingly supportive, but does she really understand what I go through every day? If I go alone will I be overwhelmed and need support? Will Phil really want to come? I decided to test the waters and see what he thought...I just sent him an email explaining that I was thinking of going, because I think I need it at this point in my life, and would he want to come. His response: "of course I'll go, this is one of those things that isn't really optional, it's more of a necessity". So I would say to you, talk to Todd about it. Explain to him why it's important for him to come with you, and what it would mean to have his support while you're there.

Comment by kastababy on March 24, 2009 at 12:23pm

I did that, and his answer was "I'll think about it." Which in Todd-speak means "No." So at this point, do I push the issue and find out why he doesn't want to go or just leave him be??? We're going through a rough patch right now, and I don't know if this is contributing to the problem or not.

Comment by Emily on March 24, 2009 at 12:46pm

Hmmm...good question. Here's my answer - from the counselor in me :). Maybe before you broach this topic, work through the other stuff that you guys are dealing with. If you jump right into talking about the conference you'll probably end up fighting, just because you're upset about other things. I do think you should find out about why he doesn't want to go, though. When you do this, I would suggest making sure to validate his reasons for being apprehensive. Maybe start by letting him know that you understand why he might feel awkward, or that it would be weird and difficult for him to be there. I bet it's hard for him to tell you how he really feels about it, because he's worried he'll hurt you. So if you open the door and show him it's ok to voice his concerns to you, then he might feel more comfortable to talk to you about it. And if he still doesn't want to go after that, then maybe you do need to give him more time.

Comment by rj, Co-founder on March 24, 2009 at 4:53pm

My alopecic and adorable fiancee', Cheryl, has been attending the annual NAAF conference for close to 2 decades. I accompanied her for the first time last year (in the first year of our relationship) and can't say that I regretted the experience. Then again, it really was the members of Alopecia World that I met there who made it such a joyful and memorable experience for me. As someone pointed out, they treated us like "rock stars." Since it doesn't appear that Todd has become personally involved with the wonderful members of Alopecia World, he has deprived himself of this great incentive. Still, he must understand that there's no greater incentive for doing a good thing than it will bring joy to the one you love and strengthen the bonds of affection and mutual understanding between the two of you. Remind him, therefore, that it's not always where you are or who you're around that matters most, but who you're with. :-)

Comment by Tallgirl on March 24, 2009 at 10:35pm

When I went to my only conference in 2000, I had my sons along and roomed with them. But we quickly found our own groups, and even though they had hair, they had a blast with the teenage group. I found that many alopecians wore head covers and wigs, and that the social hours were about food, fun, beverages and jokes just like any other social group. We could choose any topic groups we wanted for the sessions, so I chose humor and dating. The kids performances at the talent show were great (especially a little girl doing Juliet's death scene and the boy who breathed heavily into the microphone like in Blair Witch Project, and then said "I see bald people," so deadpan that it brought the house down with laughter). Dancing to I Will Survive was a communal treat. My teen sons and I bonded over that conference, after a bitter divorce where the ex wasn't exactly supportive about my hair loss. The famous guest speakers, medical assemblies, and wig-care and eye-brow solution groups, as well as lobby vendors or wigs, scarves and hats, rounded out the acceptance and nut-and-bolts of what this is and what to do about it. Go for yourself. Take a female friend so he doesn't feel threatened. If he has a friend in town, maybe he can stay there and join you for one or two sessions or just meet you for the baseball game part. Do this for yourself...it will be another whole year before you can do it again, and you will have a year to develop some good friendships before the next one.

Comment by JeffreySF on March 25, 2009 at 11:36am

I think you should attend Kat. This is about you and your alopecia. Do something for nice for yourself.
If Todd doesnt want to attend so be it.

Jeffrey

Comment by Cheryl, Co-founder on March 25, 2009 at 10:04pm

Hey Yokasta, I don't know if I have a lot of "advice" but I can say, be honest and allow him to be honest. I believe that atleast from honesty all things can be resolved, one way or another... not always to our liking but atleast everything is on the table and you both know what you are dealing with. If either of you are being honest then the cylce continues and the problem is never able to truly be resolved. Good luck and I love you Yokasta!

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