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Life After (or WITH) Alopecia? (Please respond!)
Hi everyone!
I'm handling my female pattern baldness a lot better than I used to handle it. I believe once again that I'm worthy of love and fun. But every now and so often I catch myself thinking "I better enjoy this while I can. If I am ever bald, I won't have this." This is mostly true of dates and relationships with guys. I know my girl friends are there for me and with me no matter what. They think wigs are cool, so this would only be an "exciting" condition to them. Guys, on the other hand, seem to handle baldness and wigs a bit differently. Some are more accepting than others. (I want a man who doesn't just "accept" me. I want him to adore me and not trade me for anyone in the world.) Lucky me, I seem to date the batch of guys who don't find any joy in a bald woman (not bald yet, but have casually mentioned it in conversation). So sometimes I feel like my enjoyment with them is a race against time. How much longer will I be able to enjoy my time with them? When will my hair reach that point where it no longer looks good and needs to be shaved off? Will that point ever come? How will I know? What will happen next? Will I ever know from love and dates again?
These have been the questions that run through my mind. So my question to you all is this. How is your life with alopecia? How have guys and dates reacted? Do you wear a wig or not on a regular basis? What have been some reactions that you've gotten? How has your life changed since being bald? Did it change much at all, or is it pretty much the same?
And anything else you'd like to add, feel free to do so.
This Alopecia is a sneaky little disease, I tell you! I think it has as much of an impact on what's INSIDE one's head as it does for what's ON one's head. But I refuse to let it destroy me.
Alexandra
Happy Valentine's Day!
I'm handling my female pattern baldness a lot better than I used to handle it. I believe once again that I'm worthy of love and fun. But every now and so often I catch myself thinking "I better enjoy this while I can. If I am ever bald, I won't have this." This is mostly true of dates and relationships with guys. I know my girl friends are there for me and with me no matter what. They think wigs are cool, so this would only be an "exciting" condition to them. Guys, on the other hand, seem to handle baldness and wigs a bit differently. Some are more accepting than others. (I want a man who doesn't just "accept" me. I want him to adore me and not trade me for anyone in the world.) Lucky me, I seem to date the batch of guys who don't find any joy in a bald woman (not bald yet, but have casually mentioned it in conversation). So sometimes I feel like my enjoyment with them is a race against time. How much longer will I be able to enjoy my time with them? When will my hair reach that point where it no longer looks good and needs to be shaved off? Will that point ever come? How will I know? What will happen next? Will I ever know from love and dates again?
These have been the questions that run through my mind. So my question to you all is this. How is your life with alopecia? How have guys and dates reacted? Do you wear a wig or not on a regular basis? What have been some reactions that you've gotten? How has your life changed since being bald? Did it change much at all, or is it pretty much the same?
And anything else you'd like to add, feel free to do so.
This Alopecia is a sneaky little disease, I tell you! I think it has as much of an impact on what's INSIDE one's head as it does for what's ON one's head. But I refuse to let it destroy me.
Alexandra
Happy Valentine's Day!
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Comment by Tallgirl on February 15, 2009 at 10:52pm
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I have the same thoughts after 50, being single again after a marriage. Funny how dating issues of youth re-enter one's life with Alopecia. I have the advantage of at least having had marriage, children, grandchild, travel, education, jobs, etc. by my age, so my Bucket List is rather complete. Finding the accepting man to adore me seems not only impossible but also nonessentisal at this point. I can make my own way, and I think I will actually have more peace NOT having to deal with some man who may leave again. If any of you are out there for a Meal Ticket in a man, all I can say is Woman Up and get your own education, food, home, career...even adopt a child...without Mr. Mythical Prince. He may not exist, and you may be wasting emotional energy that could be spent getting your degree and job.
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Comment by Dominique on February 16, 2009 at 1:21am
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Hi Alexandra,
I've been bald since I was real young, so I have nothing to compare it to. No experience of a 'normal' dating life - if that's an appropriate way to refer to it.
However, I still feel I lead a fairly normal love life. I'm aware that when I walk into a bar, whilst I may be the woman who stands out most ;c) - I'm probably definately not going to be the first to be offered a free drink on account of my looks.
On the whole though, I have known my fair share of admirers. Men that not only found me 'acceptable' - but desirable, worthy of pursuit and didn't want to let me go for anything in the world. Men who loved me for who I was inside, but also found me the sexiest and most beautiful woman they'd met :c)
From my experience, most women are way to harsh on ourselves about all the blemishes and faults we find, things that are for the most part invisible to the opposite sex who aren't nearly as concerned with such things as we are. Women are much worse critics of eachother, and ourselves.
So - give the men a chance. Those that don't find you beautiful aren't worth it - because there's always gonna be someone else who will.
*hugs* hang in there, and Happy Valentines to you too!
-Dom
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Comment by Mari on February 16, 2009 at 3:42pm
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I have been on both ends of the dating scene lol. I have dated when I had hair, and am back in the dating thing now, and am as bald as a baby's butt :o) Sometimes I wear a wig in my everyday life, sometimes I don't. It depends on what is going on and where I am honestly. But- I do wear my wig when I have gone on dates. I have always been upfront and tell any perspective person right off that I have alopecia, but sharing myself with that person takes a bit. It takes me awhile to open myself up like that honestly, taking the chance that they actual show and tell doesn't really go well. Anyone can SAY they are okay with it, but......
Recently I have been dating a man who says, and shows, that he is totally fine with it. So I am hoping that things keep working there. Honestly Tallgirl is right! The dating thing sucks no matter how young, old, pretty, hairy or hairless we are!
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Comment by Nants the Rebellion Dog on February 16, 2009 at 4:59pm
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No matter what, over the long haul you need to find a mate who looks past the physical. I have just recently lost my hair, and I've been married for 20 years, and he's totally good with it. So imagine you hook up with a guy and he can't hang with the "no hair" thing. What's he going to do when you pack on 30 lbs with pregnancy, or (God forbid) get breast cancer and have to have a mastectomy? If they're only looking for a pretty face with a great head of hair, maybe they should get a poodle.
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Comment by Jill on February 16, 2009 at 6:32pm
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Nants, that is the best comment ever and so true. I couldn't say it better myself.
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Comment by Galvin on March 5, 2009 at 11:06am
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You sound like you enjoy being a girl...I'm sure you will handle the baldness very well. If you enjoy
make-up your gonna love the variety wigs give :) I committed to wearing a wig at 11 years old.
I was married two weeks before my wife saw me without a wig.....although I had told her about my
alopecia a year earlier I never took off my wig. Even when I had kids...I took the wig off after everyone
else was asleep and I woke before everyone else did..... I would of stayed awake anyway being the husband/father/protector..... Today you have an opportunity of more freedom of expression, but
you have to do what your comfortable with. I had a very comfortable wig....silk lined...nice warm
feeling. I hear too many people here complain that wigs are uncomfortable, I think its too much
emphasis on style an not enough comfort.
I did end up getting divorced (after 20yrs) but I realize now alopecia was not a factor in the marriage
or divorce.
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