Just this past Saturday I had gone for a nap as I was quite tired, my hubby stayed up to prepare dinner then decided to watch a movie.As I woke up came downstairs my husband was walking into the kitchen and this commercial came on about hair or lipstick whatever it was i stood just at the ramp of the stairs and watched as my husband came out of the kitchen stared with an onion in his hand.I continued coming downstairs and naturally I confronted him and said you must find this girl quite beautiful with her hair and all as I watched you.Imedietly he changed the subject, when I seen him do this I got this pit of worriness or hurt in my stomach.I felt crappy this entire week-end because I think he misses the woman he married with hair and now it's gone.I wish it had never happened to me while i was married i wished that if were going to happen it would be before i got married.
Yesterday morning I fixed myself up and my husband said to me Lisa why are you wearing wigs I think you look wonderful like the way you are and I just looked at him and said thank_you but deep inside I din't believe him for a second.
Am I over insensitive here cause I'm confused now and i'm doubting my husband feeling I can't give him what he needs.
He tells me " i want you no one else I have you" and of course my reply is yes you have me because naturally you can't have the woman on tv!
Feeling very sad and I just feel awful about the way I look just when i was starting to feel comfy I felt as tho someone stomped on that for me.

Views: 471

Comment by Tallgirl on July 16, 2012 at 2:17pm

Ever consider that he may have been thinking she was all Hollywood and he was glad to have a real, unshared YOU, not some actress? Or that he was thinking how to let you know you are special despite hair loss? Instead of telling him what he felt, did you wait for him to tell you what he really was thinking or feeling?

You make people believe what you feel and state about yourself in this world, so why not take the "I am blessed to have love and a husband, I am so glad I have him" stance, and do something sweet and special for him, you, or both? After all, he did say "Lisa why are you wearing wigs I think you look wonderful like the way you are."

Sure wish I had a man here and present in MY life daily. Count your blessings.

Comment by alamogirl/ aka Judy on July 16, 2012 at 3:48pm

Lisa: I think this junk makes us all feel self-conscious and lacking in (our former?) confidence. I think it must be hard to be the partner of the afflicted one, too, and they don't always know how to act. I find I need much reassurance from my loving husband that He loves me NO MATTER WHAT! We share 45 years and a vibrant faith together so I am twice blessed. But I know how it can feel to see these Hollywood types with their flowing, shiny hair with the implication that you are desirable BECAUSE of your hair. This is just another one of society's shallow values. Your husband sounds like he loves you to the depths. Trust him when he says he loves you. He did not marry your hair; he married you. We miss our "flowing locks" ( mine was really thick and gorgeous), but I won't be defined by it, just as I am not defined by my glasses, insulin pump, 10 extra pounds or whatever. You are fabulous. Be strong.

Comment by Norm on July 16, 2012 at 4:56pm

Hi LL.... yeah, you're being oversensitive :)

The way us guys work is that we're programmed to act like that... it's a survival hangover thing. Anything that catches our eye, we'll stare directly at it - it could be a threat or something, so we can't really help it. Just cos it's a hairy wumman doesn't mean we're going "phwoooaarrrr!" And even if, in this case, HubbyMan did think she was attractive, it doesn't mean he's making comparisons. I bet he'll stare after that Vette cruising down the street as well, but it doesn't mean he's gonna go and buy one! The reason for his defensiveness when you spoke to him is because you put him on the back foot.... you made him think he'd done something wrong, but he didn't know what. Come on, cut him some slack... how long have you two been together? If he wasn't happy with you, he'd have been long gone by now!

Anyway, what about the last time you looked at a hunky guy? What d'you suppose your Other Half thought of that? And don't tell me you never have... ;)

Comment by Lisa-Lynn Marini on July 16, 2012 at 6:39pm

First i'd like to say a special thank_you for thoe of you who replied to my blog!! I was just on my way out to the store to buy another wig bcause i wanted to be more atractive to him and once i've seen your messages it touched my heart and it really made me think about what you all have to say,I defenitly will read this when i'm down again.

Norm, you made me smile you're a swell guy, ty for sharing your comment!!

Comment by BTB (John) on July 16, 2012 at 8:02pm

The whole point of being with partner id to be in a partnership, the days leering, or comparing how someone else compares to your partner are gone. I can choose to look at another woman or I can choose not out of respect for my partner. we can control our actions and if I start looking at other women I know that I am not in a partnership that is built on the respect it needs to maintain the bonds that tie it together. The personality type that has to look to other women are generally, single and don't have the commitment needed to be in a long term relationship, got some mates in that situation and spend most of their time trying to find a partner, find one and then start looking again. Relationships need a lot of work to keep them healthy and being a counselor I have witnessed some disasters over the years, and being with a partner for 43years who is also a psychologist, we both work the work. I can find a woman attractive but if I find I am attracted to her I am doing something wrong in my relationship. Open honesty and no matter what the situation always works the best. Thanks Lisa great question and Pat after 23 years of Alopecia still feels sensitive it is not a normal situation for a woman to be bald, its a perfectly valid emotional response to have feel many powerful emotions because of alopecia. Men plain old male pattern baldness which is accepted in society as normal can cause all sorts of stressful responses from men who have. Alopeia is a bitch Pat and I deal with it but it dont mean we like it or that it does not cause us a lot o stress.

Comment by Kimberly Grise on July 16, 2012 at 8:04pm

First let me start by saying that I have had Alopecia since I was ten years old. Every woman with this issue feels like this from time to time, or all the time... even if they do not admitt it. I have dated alot of men, and been married myself, some guys are just shallow... as with all people. But yours must be good, or you would not have married him. I will share with you something that my mom shared with me when I was a teeager. I've used it, and it seems to work... "Guys do not always care how you look. If you notice something wrong with you, and if a guy likes you, never tell them your flaws. They will never see them. Be and act confident, beautiful and secure; and you will be".... it works... Remember, for better or worse. He loves you. Its ok. You guys will just be stronger for it. Do not let those thoughts eat up who u are. : ) My mom always told me guys are attracted to any woman anyways lol. They just keep the special ones around. ie: see Norm above lol.

Comment by LilyBell*Murphy'sLawLuvsMe on July 16, 2012 at 10:00pm

LL he loves you and I know you know that. He may have thought the woman was attractive but I am sure he was NOT comparing you, the love of his life, the mother of his children, the person who has stuck by his side through thick and thin and loved him, faults and all - just as you have loved him. He finds you beautiful - not just because of your physical attractivenss but because of your heart! : )

Comment by Norm on July 17, 2012 at 6:44pm

Wow, LL... I don't think anyone's ever called me "swell" before! Stop it now, before my head really DOES swell! :)

Something I realised I should have said, after I'd posted my earlier reply, is a thing that John mentions - openness and honesty, no matter what the situation is. Did you actually give The Hubster a chance? You need to explain your feelings, calmly and rationally, and explain what you thought seemed to be happening. Or did you just make an assumption, and jump on him? As I said before, he might not even be aware of anything being wrong - but if it's causing you grief, you need to tell him what the problem is and give him the opportunity to put your mind at rest. If you fail to do that, you can end up in a really bad place - you've effectively laid the foundations of mistrust, and put an elephant in the room every time an attractive girl appears (for real, or on the TV), and that's the start of that slippery downhill slope. Failure to communicate properly, stopping talking to someone, not getting something that's bugging you out into the open and sorted once and for all... you can end up holding onto a grudge and becoming bitter over something that, if you'd talked about it, turned out to be no problem at all.

Anyway, just looking (by either partner) never harmed my marriage - we managed 25 years, after all. Cancer... now THAT'S a bitch. Alopecia's nothing compared to that.

LL, Lilybell is totally correct. So go and give your confused fella a big hug, NOW!! :)

Comment by Lisamarie on July 18, 2012 at 7:21am

I'd also like to point out that a lot of the time these women are also wearing wigs or hair extensions. Obviously not for the same reason we do, but they're still using fake things to make themselves feel like they look better or to look the way the media dictates how we should look. Natural beauty is near on non-existent in media.

Comment by Tallgirl on July 18, 2012 at 11:35am

Yep. Check out this article online (and several more articles telling about other stars with wigs, like Beyonce, Oprah and Halle Berry):

BALD HEADED??? Jennifer Lopez Has A SECRET WIG ROOM ...
Apr 10, 2009 – Here's what Star Magazine has to say about a secret room that she has in her home: ... Tags: hair, jennifer lopez, star magazine, usd, wig .... children.


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