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What Do You Say To Curious Children?
So, last night my husband and I are having dinner on the outdoor patio of a nice restaurant. It was a beautiful San Diego evening, so I was bald when we came in, and stayed that way for the first part of the meal. As we sat down, I noticed three little girls at a nearby table staring at me and exclaiming to their mother. I'd guess the kids were about 5 or 6 years old. I ignored them, and eventually put on one of my Turkish scarves when it got cooler.
After awhile, the three girls came up and stood next to me. One of them looked at me with wide eyes, and said "You don't have any hair." I told her that's right. She asked me why. I told her that I'm not sick, I just don't have hair. She asked me why. I thought "alopecia areata" would be too much for her, so I said there's something wrong so that I don't grow any hair anymore, but I'm fine. She asked why....
About this time, her mother apologized. I said it's okay and that it's a good thing for kids to be curious and ask questions nicely. I told the mother what I have and that I just lost my hair 2 years ago, and she knew about AA because she's a hairdresser. She complimented me on my skin, eyes, head shape, and attitude, and thanked me for talking to the kids. The kids started to ask more questions, and mom said that was enough.
I never had children, and have never been around them very much. Those of you with more experience, how do you think children's questions about my bald head should be answered? What do you say to a child who keeps asking "why"? How do those of you who go out in public bald handle kid's questions?
Mary
After awhile, the three girls came up and stood next to me. One of them looked at me with wide eyes, and said "You don't have any hair." I told her that's right. She asked me why. I told her that I'm not sick, I just don't have hair. She asked me why. I thought "alopecia areata" would be too much for her, so I said there's something wrong so that I don't grow any hair anymore, but I'm fine. She asked why....
About this time, her mother apologized. I said it's okay and that it's a good thing for kids to be curious and ask questions nicely. I told the mother what I have and that I just lost my hair 2 years ago, and she knew about AA because she's a hairdresser. She complimented me on my skin, eyes, head shape, and attitude, and thanked me for talking to the kids. The kids started to ask more questions, and mom said that was enough.
I never had children, and have never been around them very much. Those of you with more experience, how do you think children's questions about my bald head should be answered? What do you say to a child who keeps asking "why"? How do those of you who go out in public bald handle kid's questions?
Mary
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Comment by Judith on April 9, 2010 at 4:51am
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Nathan, my 13 yr old does almost exactly the same thing as Cindy and Samantha. It's interesting to see him with younger kids, he sometimes ends up with a little crowd around him at his sister's school when we go to pick her up, and he says it's just that his body kind of freaking out and not liking his hair. He also said that it wasn't catchy and that he didn't need his hair to be him. Most of the kids then just kinda shrug and go "Oh.. ok." and wander off again, curiosity satisfied. Conversly, the kids at his own school, being that much older, seem to not ask him about it much, but go to his older brother in case they upset Nathan if they asked questions.
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Comment by Mary on April 9, 2010 at 9:49am
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Thanks for all your responses! Trixie, Cindy and Sam...I love the "allergic" angle. Much easier for kids to understand, especially since so many kids these days know about peanut and other allergies.
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Susan, as usual, your wise words touch my heart.
I understand about wearing a wig allowing you to blend in. I enjoyed that part of wearing a wig. It DOES make life easier in many ways.
I've had to balance the emotional/psychological discomfort of being seen bald, being stared at, being asked if I have cancer, etc....against the physical discomfort of being hot and otherwise dealing with the wig. It's all a balance, and unfortunately for me and women like me, the scale tips the other way.
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Thanks. ( ;-)
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Comment by Tony on April 9, 2010 at 12:10pm
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For me, the response all depends on the child. Some are simply inquisitive. No harm, no foul as I see this as the innocence of a child. They typically get the "I'm allergic to my hair" version which seems to satisfy most. Luckily I've only run into one of the 'but why' kids. Fortunately his mother was very helpful.
There was only one little curtain climbers without any sense of manners that I can remember. While I'd like to have used RJs approach, he got off easy with a scowl & the evil eye. That send him packing.
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Comment by Norm on April 9, 2010 at 2:38pm
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Well, it used to be that when you went to a restaurant, they'd ask you, "smoking or no smoking?". But now that's not an option (yesssss!), maybe they should be asking, "children or no children?" and we can say, "the no children area for me, please"!
Kids in restaurants, tho'.... I dunno. They're OK, but I couldn't manage a whole one. ;-)
One of my Kid Experiences was back in the good old bad old days in the early '80's... I was going round a museum in York, and there was a boy of about 6 or 7 who couldn't stop staring at me. You just knew he was going to say or do something - you could feel it, he wasn't looking at any of the exhibits - and sho' nuff, eventually he leaned close against his Ma and said, in what he thought was a whisper but could probably be heard in London, "Mum, that man's got no hair!" And before his embarrassed mother could say anything, I said to him, in a similarly-loud whisper, "yeah, but his ears are still OK". Cue much laughing from all and sundry, and sheepishness for the kid... I gave him a wink, though, to say it was alright really.
The ironically funny thing is, he's probably got a shaved head himself these days.... ha! :-)
Sooz... got any of that ice cream left??? No? You greedy pig. :)
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Comment by Petra on April 9, 2010 at 2:44pm
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Great question Mary. I have been wondering the same thing. I have a 3 year old nephew that I don't see as much as I like but when I do I notice that he reacts differently to me depending on if I'm wearing a bananda or wig. He has never seen me without my wig and I'm afraid that if he does it will scare him. My sister who is 12 years younger than me fainted when she first saw me without hair when she was 6. Yes, things were kept pretty Hush Hush in our house. I know that 3 is pretty young and he is not really going to understand what is going on with me but I was wondering what is my best approach in handling this, should I wait till he starts asking questons???
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Comment by Galena on April 10, 2010 at 8:03pm
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Hi Mary!
You handled it perfectly, you really did. You will always be blessed for showing compassion to young ones. As each situation and your mood dictates, always go with your heart. Short answer or long, children are asking questions because they're learning; their brains are hard-wired to learn. Now if they are rude or unsupervised they're being raised by a wolf. If you have to get snappy with kids like that don't feel guilty, it's unfortunately a preview of their future unless someone (other than their sub-par parent) teaches them manners.
Big hugs to you,
~Galena
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Comment by Galvin on April 12, 2010 at 10:24am
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LOL....LOL....LOL
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Ah, well, y'see, this is where it all goes wrong for me.... I can ask for "no smoking" and "no children", but I can't, with all good conscience, ask for "adult". As you'll have worked out for yourselves.... ahem. :)
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