Comment by Jade on March 31, 2022 at 1:28pm

@Kathy, someone is labeled a bully when someone else felt bullied by something they said or did. Being a bully is a subjective label. I don’t see why it is wrong to label someone a bully when in fact so many people including the person who it was targeted (jada) felt hurt by the comment. The comment is labeled a joke because it was said by a comedian. You say humor needs to be preserved? That assumes that humor is being destroyed. In order to destroy something it has to exist, and in this situation-obviously so many people did not find anything funny. Humor is subjective. People can feel pain or hurt by something but that also doesn’t make someone a forever victim either. Jada/some of us feel they were the “butt” of the joke. I agree with you about if no one is talking, no one is listening no one is learning. I think that is exactly what is happening, everyone is talking, but are people listening? It is okay for everyone to have their feelings, opinions, perspectives. Nothing is destroyed, when people are respectful at hearing all sides, instead everything is gained. We as people should be able to tolerate people having feelings, it is part of being human. Not everyone will feel the same and it is all still valid. Will Smith was human when he reacted the way he did. Chris Rock was human when he made that (in my opinion) a terrible joke, all the people including me are human for feeling Jada’s pain and understanding Will’s response, you and others are human for believing it was not a big deal.  We are all human and co-exist in this society, the best we can do is try to get along and sometimes that means being uncomfortable and disagreeing. 

Comment by Versida on March 31, 2022 at 3:00pm

While folks have been mentioning the word alopecia repeatedly the surface of the condition has barely been scratched, and those of who have been navigating life with hair loss haven’t really been heard or seen.

Whether you are bald or have thinning hair or wear wigs we have all experienced the stares, whispering, giggles, unsolicited comments and/or advice from those we know and don’t know. And while we may have wanted to slap or curse out the offender we don’t, often we internalize it.

We understand the psychological and social toll, having dealt with and in some instances continue to deal with issues surrounding our confidence, identity, image and femininity…the struggle is real and people outside of our supportive circle need to know this.

We also know how what we couldn’t control has empowered us…alopecia made us more confident, strengthened our since of self. Many of us see what once may have been a curse as a blessing. All sides of this condition need to be known, who better to tell it than us.

Together we can keep the topic of hair loss in women in the forefront so that the next woman knows she doesn’t have to walk this road alone, and that the next 12 year old little girl like Rio will know that ending her life isn’t the only choice that she has.

To further awareness I hope you’ll help with amplifying the voices of women with alopecia by sharing a selfie video of your thoughts on this and/or what you want the world to know about alopecia. Collectively we can become a force to be reckoned with.

Upload your video here: 
https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1otVCDvcm4k6v-bHnIOfz8TQjI8M...

Thanks,

Sabrina

Comment by dreamscometrue on March 31, 2022 at 3:18pm

Let's also not forget men in this situation too.  Just because the current event involved a woman, women are not the only ones who suffer, get depressed or feel left out with this disorder.  Let's not make this a woman thing, it's a disorder thing, that's what it is.

Comment by Versida on March 31, 2022 at 5:16pm

dreamscometrue I'm well aware that men are equally effected, but as a women who has lived with AA for more than half my life I'm also aware that bald men are treated much differently in this society. I have 2 close male friends who decided to shave their head because of male pattern baldness and not one of them have ever had a stranger come up to them asking if they had cancer or had an interviewer be more focused on their bald head than their resume nor have either of then had issues with dating because they are bald, and there's not a day that goes by that they don't see someone that looks like them...another bald man. Why? Because society has normalized baldness for men...just look around they are everywhere. I can count on one hand the number of completely, not close shaven, bald women I have seen in my life time and I'm not talking about on this website or instagram or facebook. I'm talking about in stores, workplaces, restaurants, magazines, television, etc. I had no choice whether or not to have hair, but after many, many years of struggling with the toll of my AA I finally decided to ditch the wigs which I never felt comfortable in, and live in this world openly and proudly as a bald woman.  It was not easy at first, but as each day passed it got a little easier and I love it, my only regret is that I wish I would have done it sooner.  Every stare, giggle or cancer question has been my opportunity to educate people. I've had women approach me and say that their head looks like mine under their wig or hat or their hijab and wish they had the courage to do what I did.  I don't see it as courage, for me if I had seen more bald women out in the world it would have really made a positive difference in my AA journey. So until women who are afflicted with alopecia in all its forms are also normalized by society, it'll keep being a woman thing for me.

Comment by dreamscometrue on March 31, 2022 at 5:39pm

Im a woman with AU.  Started as AA about 13-14 years old, progressed to AT and eventually AU, for the last 30 years of my life.  I'll be 60 this year.  My ex hubs had AA from time to time, on his beard, on his legs, but it never progressed.  Thats all I can say about men with this disorder.  I dont have enough data to draw any conclusions on men with Alopecia, and neither do you. And, I wont diminish anyone, men included with how they experience this disorder, because I am not a man. Period.  I have no right to dictate how someone else feels, should feel, or tell them how to feel, or diminish their experience on the basis of gender.  I am a woman and I can only speak from that perspective, because thats all I know, personally, not objectively, or subjectively, but personally because I wake up as me and my experience, every day.  AA, AT and AU is not normal, to normalize it means no funding for research, no reason to look for cures, or answers, means ore needless suffering for kids and children, and even adults.  I have AU and no, I dont like it, and Im not gonna pretend I do.  I live with it, and I also research it.  I have no expectations of society as no one in society owes me anything but simple basic respect.  Outside of that, I can handle myself pretty well.  Im not looking for pity, from anyone, in society or otherwise.  I've seen many bald women that rock theirs so well, and they're so pretty too!  It looks so good you dont even notice it, you think its just the fashion.  Thats how good they look, men too!  I dont feel I fit in those categories, but even still, I dont expect equality with special privileges.  I live my life, do what I gotta and keep it moving, wig makeup and all.  As a woman, because thats all I know, for sure, is that I'm a woman.

Comment by Versida on March 31, 2022 at 6:10pm

dreamscometrue I understand and respect your opinion.  The wonderful thing about any discourse is that we can respectfully agree to disagree. Have a great evening and weekend ahead!

Comment by Dollhead on March 31, 2022 at 6:18pm

Apparently Senator Ayanna Pressley did tweet on what CR did, but took the tweet down. This is in a larger article on a woman with AA in Texas who cried all night afterwards:

https://news.yahoo.com/texas-woman-living-alopecia-said-214519641.html

and this. Apparently the Wayans Brothers knew this reckoning was coming years ago. Like I said, "Eff around, and find out":

https://atlantablackstar.com/2022/03/30/not-to-kick-a-brother-when-...

Comment by dbr on March 31, 2022 at 6:24pm

Will Smith was wrong on so many levels.  I have alopecia so I know the drill.  How did Jada & Will even know if Chris knew about Jada's alopecia? It's not all about you Jada.  Will looked pathetic.  He thought the joke was funny until he looked at his wife's face.  Personally I think Will's pent up frustration is due to his wife's infidelity's, not like she hides it. Just sayin!

Comment by Dollhead on March 31, 2022 at 6:45pm

Also, no matter how much you want to say that you're out and proud with your bald head or wearing a wig, the message on Saturday still is that there will be someone who will take you down for it and make you feel small because of it. Think about kids who hear this and think, "I'm not going public because if I do, someone will make fun of me and people will say, 'you poor baby!' to your bully." And that the person who did wrong apologized and gets cr@p, and the person who caused the incident in the first place gets sold-out shows.

And once again, CR wrote "Good Hair" BECAUSE his DAUGHTER asked why she couldn't have good hair. At least she has hair - there are parents on here who can only wish their kids were so lucky!

And once again, if Black men and other people are going to go on about "protecting Black women," what CR did wasn't it. He stripped a woman bare by ridiculing something she has no control over in front of the whole damn world. And the producer, who is Black, also has a part in this. He and his camera crew CHOSE to keep the cameras rolling. So much for protecting Black women.

And while we're at it, the Academy can also miss me with this whole concern about their image in this. On top of the "Me, Too" movement:

John Wayne had to be restrained from attacking a Native American woman on stage simply because she asked that her people not be represented the way they were, and made racist comments about Blacks, Native Americans, and the LGBTQ community in Playboy. His estate still has his Oscar he won.

Hattie McDaniel had to sit by herself when she won the Oscar because Black people weren't allowed to sit with white people.

Jada Pinkett Smith has more money and power than any of us here. She doesn't have to worry about how much it's gonna cost to find a wig that "makes her look normal" because insurance won't pay for it. She made a choice to be open about her AA and not wear a wig, and for that CR tried to make her and women like us feel small and insignificant and exposed.

Look at it this way: Sunday was "Carrie" without the pig's blood.

Comment by SabineTawni on March 31, 2022 at 9:44pm

You "don't buy into this victim mentality"?  Fair enough.  Sometimes, it really irritates me too. But what irritates me even more is the "blame the victim" mentality, and I am seeing a lot of this with Jada Pinkett in this situation.  But we do live in an upside down world today, so it's not surprising that Jada is being portrayed as the transgressor and Chris Rock as the victim.  "How is a comedian a bully"?  When he/she crosses the line and takes a cheap shot at someone who has a medical condition.  Why did Jada laugh initially?  She was likely in shock, that's why.  I am sure she never saw this coming, and why would she?  Frankly, I was in shock myself.  People laugh for many reasons, and it's not always because they find something funny.  Sometimes, it is simply a way of regaining balance after a sudden and shocking verbal attack, etc.  Preserving humor is a good and necessary thing, but I don't find my AU humorous, and I refuse to pretend that I do.  So in the final analysis, I am on the side of Dreamscometrue. I think she stated her case simply and eloquently.  But I will defend your right to your opinion, and I realize that all opinions may differ.  But, no one can deny you have certainly bolstered the cavalier attitude of the "it's only hair" crowd, which is kind of a shame.

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