Masculinity

Cheryl started a fascinating discussion about feminity, so I thought I'd start one on masculinity.

So guys ... what's it like to lose your hair? Women, what's it like to see a man with alopecia? How does your experience of masculinity change?

To get the ball rolling ...

My alopecia developed in 2000, when I was in my early 30's. When my hair first started falling out, I was terrified that I had cancer. Once the diagnosis of alopecia was confirmed, I decided to shave my head completely.

8 years ago, (at least in Northeast Ohio, where I live) being a bald man was a bit edgy, socially. Meaning being bald as a man was just on the edge of being socially acceptable.

One of the first things I noticed was that people seemed to equate bald with "tough." I was aware that waitresses brought my food quicker at restaurants and store clerks responded faster. It was really weird at first, because I couldn't figure out what was going on. Then my wife (wise person that she is), pointed out that people were treating me differently because I was bald.

I'm also a practicing martial artist (Aikido), and so many people simply assumed (and still do) that I had shaved my head because of my martial arts practice.


Hmmmm.

I've got some other thoughts about my experience, but I'm curious to hear what other people have to say.

Again, this discussion is open to men and women.

Cheers! :-)

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by JeffreySF on October 3, 2008 at 11:30pm
I have never been a hairy person being 1/8 Native American. (Cherokee People)
My masculinity involves of course being a man, I have really elevated testosterone levels which btw leads can lead to MPB which btw I never had. Hmmmm... where am I going with this?
I guess people dont find me rough, Most people talk to me openly because I am open and very easy going.

More to follow as I am so multitasking. Grrrrrr

Jeff
Permalink Reply by Rose Marie' on October 4, 2008 at 5:03am
Hi

It's really sad but I have met very few men dealing with this condition in person. Only on these type of sites. My understanding is that it is a blow to self image for a man just as it is for a woman. I think the loss of beard and eyebrows are the worst for men. (just my understanding) I believe neither sex gets through this condition without a bit of soul searching and solution finding.

My personal feeling is I could care less if a man has hair or not. My father had male pattern baldness very early in his life as did both my brothers so I never thought it unattractive (of course my dad and my brothers are gorgeous :) ). But the point is what that individual feels. That's what you have to tap into isn't it.

For me the most masculine thing about a man is confidence and presence and kindness. That would make my head turn way before flowing locks would. I think one of the most beautiful things I see when I look at someone without hair is the straight full on honesty of their faces. There is nothing to detract and that is really very attractive to me.

I will look forward to reading the comments on this thread.

Rosy
Permalink Reply by Paula on March 26, 2009 at 2:07pm
in most cases, there is no gender or race disparity with AA. there is a new subtype of alopecia which occurs acutely and diffusely (i believe i fall into this category) and this appears to occur predominantly in women.
Permalink Reply by gerald on October 5, 2008 at 8:20am
I don't believe hair length has anything to do with masculinity or femininity.

A man , regardless of hair length, or if he is bald, has masculine features, voice, and body.

A woman, regardless of hair length, or if she is bald, has feminine features, voice, and body. Some of the most beautiful and feminine women are bald women.
Permalink Reply by Gill on October 7, 2008 at 4:39am
I feel my AU has made me look masculine. Im 5"10 carrying too much weight, but big boned anyway, I dont wear a lot of make up, and have had people calling me sir, which is upsetting, and embarassing for them.
Permalink Reply by Jaime Murphy on July 13, 2009 at 10:26am
I have had the same experience, especially going through my awkward teenage years. I can't throw on sweats and a baseball cap to run errands without being mistaken for a man...very frustrating!
Permalink Reply by Dominique on October 7, 2008 at 7:50am
I find bald men incredibly attractive - especially if they have a goatee ;c)

The other side of this is the understanding I grow to have of Men with alopecia. Whilst a child, I always though (to an extent) that if I was boy, having no hair like this would be alot easier. As I have grown older and matured, I realise more and more - that no matter how it happens - men suffer just as much from hairloss as women.

For men, from what I've read, hairloss is often associated with loss of virility, aging, health problems - all of which involve very negative connotations. I'm not sure its exactly loss of masculinity - but sometimes even I can't avoid the immediate associations it has. I do however have the ability to stop myself and rethink my immediate assumptions - not a skill everyone has.

*hugs* to all the men out there dealing with this in their own ways. I hope you don't associate hairloss with, or feel less masculine for it. There are many sexy men in this world with no hair... and I believe very strongly in taking care of your overall person as a way to boost your self esteem. If you can't work on your hair - then concentrate elsewhere.

Take care, and interesting topic starter Tim :c)
Permalink Reply by Matt on October 10, 2008 at 5:03pm
I don't know that I've ever received more expedient service due to my lack of hair, but that could very well be the case. I was already bald when I entered the world as an independent adult so I have no convenient before-and-after.

I do sometimes think that I intimidate people, though. :/ I should smile more, but I find it hard.

My only real issue with regards to masculinity is how young I tend to look to people. I'm sure lots of people wished they looked younger, and I'll likely appreciate it when I'm older still, but I do sometimes feel that I'm treated like someone younger than I am, which can be frustrating 'cause I'm at a point now where I'm attempting to solidify myself as a stable, mature, independent male. I get the impression that some of the women in my age group disregard me as a potential partner 'cause they think I'm still in my teens, or they otherwise get a "too young" vibe from me.
Permalink Reply by CSue on October 10, 2008 at 11:28pm
I've only met one man with alopecia, but at the time, I just thought he was a guy with male pattern baldness who had chosen to shave his head (which by the way, I think is a better look for most bald men than hanging onto a small "crop" of hair). It wasn't until I had seen him several times at work that I noticed a shadow of patchy hair growth scattered here & there and then realized that he had alopecia. I also noticed at that point that he didn't have any eyebrows. I'm not sure what that says about me - either I'm very unobservant or those things just aren't important to me. Most of the men in my family are bald, so I guess maybe that's why I don't think about it much.
Permalink Reply by Margie on October 11, 2008 at 1:46am
True masculinity lies within the man. The caring and sensitivity, the wonderful sense of humor, strong sense of one's self, intellegence, showing they are there for you always..... He may be balding (not alopecia but that wouldn't matter) and more on the heavy end but I'm madly in love! It's the man inside.
Permalink Reply by Gill on October 13, 2008 at 10:44am
So So true Margie, its so upsetting sometimes when people judge you on the way you look, but hey thats the world. I would dearly like to date a bald man, he then would have a personal insight to what it is like, especially a man with alopecia. Then when we went out we would look like two bowling balls!!!! People I know say its ok for a man, but it isnt always, many men must find this just as distressing as us women, its just that society is more exceptable of a bald man than a bald woman.
And there ends the rate for today !!!!!!! feeling rather sparky today, so watch out !!!!!!!!!!
Permalink Reply by Margie on October 13, 2008 at 3:32pm
My 9 year old son is the one with aa. Going bald is not his idea of being fashionable. I hear sooooo often that he's a boy and so it shouldn't matter. This is a 9 year old for heaven's sake. He loved his hair!!!

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