Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Gill on October 26, 2008 at 7:26am

Yes I have had people come up to me and say that they have a relitive who is having chemo, they mean well, but it just makes me realise how lucky I am...................I know alopecia effects us in different ways, but people dont die of alopecia, so I consider myself lucky in that respect.

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Permalink Reply by Andrea on November 11, 2008 at 6:35pm

Hi. I'm Andrea.

This is the single reason why I do not go bald to work. I am afraid that folks will see me as sick.
This is also the single reason why I do not approach bald women in public, out of fear that they may have cancer and think of my hair loss as mocking their life-threatening situation.

How sad.

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Permalink Reply by Sarah Anderson on November 25, 2008 at 2:24am

ok level with me here ........ having cancer or knowing someone who is going threw chemo is a very very tought thing (believe me ie. my mom)
and i think these ppl are in some small or big way hurting and looking for support and lashing out irrationaly.. i have asked ppl why would you say that and they replied you look amazing and would love to pass on the tips to my wife daughter cousin who ever.... you may be giving someone currage by just walking by!!!

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Permalink Reply by Eileen Simpson on December 28, 2008 at 1:58am

I see that this discussion is old, so I hope I'm not to late to make a comment.

Before I shaved my head I had a few bangs in fact I do have most of the front of my head of hair, the back is gone. Anyway it wasn't so bad when they say bangs but since I shaved and nothing is showing it's amazing all the looks I get. I 'm with you I'm not sick but most people think we are.
I was thinking about this and I am a Celiac, when I shop in the gluten free section of the store and I see someone else looking there also, I always ask if they are Celiac I explain to them that I am and if they tell me yes I suggest that if possible they come to a support group meeting. So I think that some of us are looked at differently only because some people would like to help us much in the same manner as I want to connect with others that are Celiac as well.
However I cannot explain the other portion of the population who stare just to stare, some people are just plain rude and there really is no other way to explain them.

P.S. My son worked for Starbucks for about two years. He quit because he just couldn't get along with his new manager at the store he had transferred too. Anyway we are still Starbucks fans.

Eileen

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Permalink Reply by Mary on January 23, 2009 at 6:53pm

Hi Everyone. I'm responding to this discussion quite late...I hadn't noticed it before. I get asked all the time whether I have cancer, or what kind of cancer I have, or how my "fight" is going.... A man once talked to me for 10 minutes in Costco about his wife who died of cancer - even after he found out I don't have cancer. I just reminded him of her.

It IS extremely frustrating, and it's jarring to me when I'm "out" and about and feeling good about myself and NOT feeling self-conscious about being bald. All of a sudden - BLAM - there it is again, the reminder that I look different. But, you know what? The more it happens, the more I just want to go out as I am and encourage other women to do it! The only way that we can dispel this notion is for more women who've lost their hair to go out uncovered.

As I posted elsewhere on AW, I also confess that I've "used" the cancer assumption. (If we have to put up with being seen as sick, why not get something out of it?) A man with a very obviously terrible cold sat down, coughing, next to me in a crowded movie theater just as the lights went down. I took off my scarf, asked if he had a cold (he nodded), then I said I have immune issues...He moved before I even finished the sentence! I didn't SAY I have cancer...and it's true I DO have immune issues. ( ;-)

I really want to have some nice-looking T-shirts made that say "I'm not sick...it's alopecia". And, as Gill said, every time it happens, I feel grateful that ALL I have is alopecia.

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Permalink Reply by Sol on February 7, 2009 at 2:13am

I'm late in, as always lol. I've got something semi interesting to add... a friend of mine who also has alopecia (she's not in this forum) recently found out she has cancer and needs chemoradiation. She said her first remark upon hearing the diagnosis was "oh well at least I'm not gonna have to worry about losing my hair!". I think that when you've already lost your hair (I haven't lost all of mine....probably 80% of it) it gives you one less thing to worry about if you do get cancer. You can draw on eyebrows and stick on fake lashes (well, on the upper lids anyway) but I would imagine the head hair is the worst part of the hairloss, so if that's already gone then the cancer diagnosis comes as slightly less of a blow. Not trying to undermine the seriousness of the situation however, because when you've got cancer cosmetic issues are very low on your list of priorities... Anyhoo...I appreciate this is a delicate issue and I apologise if I may seem a bit flippant.

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Permalink Reply by Tenille Gee on March 31, 2009 at 9:28pm

I totally agree, I said that I wanted to shave my head for research and everyone, including my family who know that I have alopecia, assumed that I would do it for Cancer research. Also, my co-workers who know that I am losing my hair automatically assumed that I had cancer and had someone tell me that they were going to start a prayer group for me.... give me a break, I am losing my hair, I am not dying!

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Permalink Reply by Bobby on April 2, 2009 at 9:31pm

I think the world forgets that when we assume we end up wrong 90% most of the time. If you run into a person that assumes all the time. Then you can probably guess they are wrong a lot. Poor Poor "Assumers"

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Permalink Reply by Karen Froehner on April 15, 2009 at 9:41pm

I have experience this a number of times since 1998. One day a woman that owned a nail salon next door to my massage office ran into me without my wig. She began the I'm so sorry. How long have you had cancer? etc,etc and if you need support I can help. You are so brave to go bald. I have cancer too! I had to tell her No, I have Alopecia. She was so amazed that I could go wigless.
Well, I moved to Taiwan for 3 years soon after that meeting. I decided to drop by her salon to get my toes done. I found out that she had passed away about a year after I moved. Everyone said that she was empowered to go bald by me. She had become so lighthearted after taking it off.
So, don't get upset. who knows how much you can help someone deal with their issues of cancer. If you can be of help so what! Life is too short to be so negative. Be grateful you don't!

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Permalink Reply by Mary on April 15, 2009 at 10:08pm

Yes!!! One of my mottos is "Life is too short to wear a wig".

I frequently get comments from women who have had cancer. You never know whose life you may be helping.

I now have "business" cards that I print at home and give to people who ask me about my bald head. On one side they say:

"It's not cancer, it's not contagious
IT'S ALOPECIA AREATA

For more information please visit:
www.baldgirlsdolunch.org

Thank you and have a nice day."

On the other side they say:

"Check out my videos on YouTube
about Alopecia Areata:

Alternatives to Wearing a Wig

and

Living a Bald Life"

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Permalink Reply by Kathie Nietenhoefer on May 10, 2009 at 12:38pm

I have people assume I'm on chemo constantly. I try to be understanding and if the person is nice enough to actually ask me about my hair rather than making an assumption, I'll explain that I have (trying not to use medical terms for simplicity) that I have a genetic condition that just doesn't allow my hair to grow past where it is. Most people are very understanding when I tell them this and tend to then accept me as I am. Then, of course, there are those who want to make the stereotypical assumption of chemotherapy. "How long have you been in remission, sweetie?" "I'm going to pray for healing from your cancer, dear." "Oh! My (insert family/friend here) is going through chemo too." Usually I'm pretty patient with people - I mean, they really don't have any idea and can only decide based on their own experiences. But, there are some days when I just can't stand the idea of correcting yet another person so I just leave them to their own assumptions and go on.

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Permalink Reply by Mary on June 21, 2009 at 9:33pm

I've also thought of having T-shirts printed - nice T-shirts that I'd be happy to wear all the time - that say something like "I don't have cancer..." on the front, and "It's alopecia areata" on the back. Or maybe, just "I'm not sick".

I say what I just said on another discussion: THIS PRESUMPTION THAT ALL BALD WOMEN HAVE CANCER WON'T CHANGE UNTIL MORE OF US START GOING OUT IN PUBLIC BALD. Period. We have the ability to change it - but WE have to do it. Otherwise, the ONLY bald women people know about are women with cancer. DUH! How else are they going to know anything different?! It's so simple! (Sorry - end of rant.)

National Bald Out - July 19, 2009

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